Behind The Lens

EIGHT

   Another day, another horrible moment to be alive, for me. I sat in front of my loyal laptop, editing the pictures I had taken at the concert, the guilt of lying to Joost weighing heavily on my mind. I couldn't help but wonder what would have happened if I had stayed and talked to him. Would he have asked me out for a drink? Would we have hit it off and become friends? The possibilities were endless, and the regret gnawed at me.

    As I cropped and adjusted the photos, I found myself lost in thought, replaying my brief interaction with him over and over again. I wondered if he had seen through my stupid excuse and knew that I lied. I couldn't shake the feeling of unease that had settled in my stomach ever since then.

  Soon, I couldn't help but wonder if I had betrayed my boyfriend in some way by lying to Joost. I had been in a committed relationship with Davis for years, but there was something about Joost that intrigued me, something that made her question everything. Was I settling for comfort and familiarity, or was I truly in love?

    As I finished editing the last picture and getting ready to send them to Teun, I sighed and leaned back in my chair, feeling drained and confused. I knew I had to confront my feelings and talk to Davis about what was going on in my mind. I just can't keep these thoughts bottled up inside any longer.

    I was so close; I picked up my phone to call him, but something in me hesitated. I didn't know how to broach the subject or even where to begin. How could I explain to him that I was questioning my faith because of a chance encounter with a musician? It wasn't the first time I approached male celebrities, but this one had something. With a heavy heart, I put my phone down and closed my laptop, deciding to give myself some time to gather my thoughts and figure out what I truly wanted.

   I had to. I knew it was the right thing to do. Joost was only the one to truly open my eyes, make me understand something is wrong. It wasn't Joost the one I really fell for, it couldn't possibly be, but it also wasn't Davis. I knew that it wouldn't be easy, but I was determined to find clarity and peace of mind, no matter what the outcome.