Amidst Our Broken World

Chapter 10 (Part 2) - Sympathy

The whisk of the curtain felt too long, its weight too heavy. But he was there nonetheless. Lying peacefully on the bed, his head resting on the voluptuous pillow. I'd never seen him so relaxed. 

I looked up at the heart monitor on the other side of the bed. It beeped softly, so as to not disturb his sleep. He's alive. I shut my eyes, letting out a small sigh of relief.

I was ready to leave any second after confirming his safety, but I couldn't tear myself away from his bed. Kneeling down beside him, I folding my arms and rested my elbows on the soft mattress.

With all his facial muscles at rest, he looked so gentle. His skin was smooth and flawless, his lips slightly parted unlike their usual tenseness. Blonde curls laid around his head, decorating the white pillow like tiny marigolds blossoming through winter snow.

Then I remembered what he'd suffered through to end up here. His faint screams of pain echoed through my ears. My imagination ran wild with conjured images of his suffering. The two orderlies who'd dragged him out, each taking turns stunning him with their batons as he was chained to the wall. My cruel uncle watching his victim shrivel underneath him.

I brought my hands up to cover my mouth as the sobs exploded from my chest, along with the tears that streamed from my eyes.

"What are you doing here?"

His voice was like an oasis in a desert to my ears. I blinked away the tears that clouded my vision to be met with a set of inquisitive blue eyes. They were like snow globes, where if you looked closely, you could find an entirely different world inside, the beauty of its maker's creativity.

"I-" I stumbled. I wasn't expecting for him to wake up since I was originally planning on leaving once I'd seen that he was still alive. "I wanted to see you."

He furrowed his brow slightly, but the rest of his face was still relaxed, still tired from slumber. "Why are you crying?"

I looked at him incredulously. Wasn't it obvious? "I thought you were dead."

Clearly still drowsy and not in the right state of mind, he closed his eyes and shook his head. "Why do you care?"

Because you saved my life once.

"I'm... not sure," I answered, unable to look at him.

Peter scoffed in ironic amusement. "You could get in a lot of trouble for sneaking out here, you know." He raised an eyebrow at me. "If they suspected you for trying to escape, they could shoot you on the spot."

Though that did sound plausible, I doubted they would resort to something as extreme as killing me immediately. I was sure they'd at least try to capture me first. Then they'd punish me later. Perhaps the same way as they did to Peter. A thousand volts through my body.

"Why did they do that to you?" I felt the worried expression form automatically on my face.

I could have sworn I saw his eyes widen at the slightest, but he quickly looked away. "I gave Eleven some advice."

"What's wrong with that?"

"It made her strong."

That was ridiculous. Wasn't the whole point of this experiment to turn these kids into military weapons? Stronger than Soviet missiles?

"That doesn't make sense."

Peter's expression became serious. "Strength makes her difficult to control."

"That doesn't call for this." I gestured to him, lying on a medical bed in the clinic. "This is all wrong--" Ugh, here come the waterworks again. I was finding it incredibly difficult to control my emotions, especially around Peter.

Embarrassed with myself for letting him see me cry, I buried my face in my arms, letting the tears soak the sheets and my sleeves. He didn't say anything.

And then I couldn't keep it in anymore. All of the things I had been suppressing, pushing to the back of mind, to stop myself from having a full-blown panic attack for just how doomed my life was, bursted out.

"This whole place is so wrong. Stealing children, abusing and manipulating them. Forcing employees to help punish those children and torturing those same employees when they act out of line. I hate this place. But I'm stuck here forever. And no one is going to save me."

Silence. 

"I want to go home," I utter quietly, to end my finale.

We both stayed where we were without speaking for a while. Him, probably lying on the bed, trying to think of ways to comfort a hysteric stranger. Me, with my head still down in my arms, waiting for these hopeless feelings to pass.

"You should go back to your room." I looked up to be met with a stony gaze. 

How could he look so detached? Did he not care about my suffering? Then why did he save me that time? Was it just for the sake of his convenience? So he could get off work faster without more trouble? Was he over all of this? Was he long gone from the state of never-ending despair I was in? 

I began to regret coming to visit him. His expression was cold and resolute. I'd spent hours crying and worrying over what had become of this man, even doing something as dangerous as risking my life, and he couldn't offer even one word of consolation? I shouldn't have cared so much, had I known it was bound to end in disappointment.

I thought he was different. Different from the other orderlies. Different from every person without an ounce of compassion who worked at this lab. I couldn't read him after all. Maybe, I'd never really been able to. He confused me so much. And when I was with him, I became confused with myself too.

Looking away in shame of not only my sudden break-down, but also my mistaking of a conscience in him, I got up and left.