Lethal Lovers

Why I'm a Cannibal

The following text is from a notebook with entries dating from 2001 to 2004. I found it beneath a floorboard when moving into my home in New Jersey. It's certainly strange and despite certain identifiable information within it, I have been unable to find the previous owner. This is to be expected as it's unlikely anyone would want to claim this. It appears to be the manifesto of someone who ate human flesh for years. It jumps all over the place timeline-wise, some parts discussing the past, some the present. I was tempted to put it together in a more linear format, but for the sake of preservation, I will not.

The title "Why I'm a Cannibal" is repeated at the first line of each page with the date next to it, followed by a one-line gap. Interestingly this is the only time where line spacing is ever used. Something I will be altering for the sake of readability and personal sanity. This book's handwriting got increasingly messy as it went along, so forgive me if I get anything wrong or if it sounds especially strange. However, the cadence on display is already concerning when transcribed with no margin of error. With those disclaimers out of the way, onto my findings.

Why I'm a Cannibal 1/1/2001

It sure is wonderful when a day, month, and year line up. A rare moment of perfect, natural, symmetry. I like symmetry a lot, I always have, ever since I was a kid. Anyway, that's not the only reason I'm happy to write about today. I met someone at a smoothie place, I have been dying to write so he can live outside of my head. He was beautiful with almost perfect symmetry, around my age, and had a bit of meat on his bones, especially around his legs. He wasn't muscular, which is good for me. His nose was prominent with flared nostrils, I love a good nose. I sat next to him since he was sitting alone. He seemed a bit unnerved at first, but I was able to muster enough charm to get him comfortable.

He was beautiful and had a gorgeous accent too. I asked him where he was from, he said Armenia, apparently he was studying abroad. I smiled at him, but that fact made me a bit upset. Not because I hate Armenians, I don't, that would be stupid. No, because it meant that I'd have limited time to spend with him. A real shame since he was so beautiful. Still, it wasn't that bad, the window was still rather large and it didn't take me long to get him alone with me. I am not upfront about my intentions, but I'm good at making it sound like I am. Playing with food is fun, but that's not ultimately the part that gives you strength.

I obtained his number and spent a bit more time with him after. However, once he left, I returned to my natural state. I am not a naturally charismatic person, I have simply learned to appear that way by observing what actions and behaviors get good responses. At the same time, I'm not as analytical as that process would lead one to believe. I don't enjoy learning, I just gather what is necessary to do what I need to do. So, in that way, I'm not all that smart, just single-minded and good at staying on whatever task is given. That is if I care about it, if I couldn't care less I would be of no use. I'm rambling to myself again, but I guess that's not an issue since only I'll see this even if it's more fun to act like someone is reading.

I called him every day after that and talked to him as often as I could. I invested my time in his life, soaking up all the important details along with a few fun facts. Others compare people to pigs, and I agree with that comparison. Not because I think they are dirty, I don't, I think there are too many people for such a broad statement. No, because they are highly intelligent beings that I have no qualms with eating. Well, maybe I have some more reasons behind eating people than eating pork, pork just tastes great. But the point generally stands, eating both brings me joy even if some cultures deem it wrong.

Historically, by choice, cannibals liked the power it gave them over people or the joy of taking away humanity. I'm not like that, I won't write about all my motives now since I find myself losing track, but the humanity within my meals is a highlight for me. What elevates it above a pork dish as I find both to be quite similar in texture and raw flavor.

Anyway, back to the Armenian college student. I was able to get him to hang out with me for drinks. I can handle my alcohol, but to my chagrin, he could as well. It ended up taking a few expensive shots and pretend sips to get him worn down. I called a cab and he was woozy enough to think coming home with me was a good idea. A common mistake in my meals. I let him settle in and get comfortable on my couch. Preparation was of course needed, especially since he was such a prime piece of meat.

We talked for a few minutes as I moved my special rug near him. He didn't notice, continuing to chat about his life back home. He was a faithful man of god, which I found attractive, dedication is a trait that I maintain and appreciate in others. He was also studying to be a botanist, and we had a good discussion on different herbs. He had quite a sweet personality and a sharp enough mind. It was my best pick in a long time, I was mapping the different flavor sections of his brain as we spoke. It was a pleasant evening, but of course, I had to end it. I left the room once he got tired and came back from behind him and gently strangled him to death. He didn't fight, which was expected based on his person.

It did the trick, knocking him out then and there. I proceeded to my bathroom/kitchen where I took off his close and began boiling. Getting water from my custom boiler in the basement and bringing it up. Others would likely conduct the whole cooking process there, but the bath was always more thematically appropriate to me. While food can be just as tasty conducted in a damp dirty room like a basement, cleanliness and a sleek interior are preferred. Once the meat was tenderized with bath salts and some of the herbs he recommended, I took him out and separated the pieces by size. It was standard procedure, but it felt different since it had been a while since I did it. He tasted just as wonderful as I expected, and it was especially great when I had it with the sauce that he described the recipe for. Overall a fantastic meal primarily because of the person I was consuming, as usual.

Goodness, writing out my process and the person I ate was a splendid experience. I think I will make this a more regular occurrence. It feels refreshing to release these things rolling around in my psyche.

This ends the first entry I discovered. I re-wrote all these messages in my handwriting so I'd better be able to discern what I was looking out for when typing them here. From the moment I finished reading, I knew I had to share this with the world. It got under my skin in a way nothing I read before ever has. Which I now realize sounds like an insensitive pun but I promise that wasn't intentional. Anyway, as morbid as it was, I couldn't help but be drawn in and want to know more. Something I ended up doing as I continued, a decision I still grapple with as I wonder what it says about me. Regardless, the least I can do is not carry the burden of this alone. Hopefully, at least one person reading can find this useful in some respect.