To Rhial

35

Vetia

"What is family to you? Hah, I suppose you cannot answer, but I've heard of your little family. You and your friends with whom you traveled. Did you not tire of them? Not even once?"

I tapped the cell bars twice.

"I hardly believe that. Even I grew to resent my own. But such resentment is only natural having been tortured as I am. Would you sacrifice your friends for true freedom?"

I quickly tapped the bars twice again.

"And yet you suffer for their sakes. It's odd. Do you only suffer for their sakes or are you scared of who you are without them? Is that why you have remained so... docile?"

I hesitated, then tapped the bar once.

"That begs the question, who is hostage to who? Who is prisoner and who is truly free?" I could hear the smile on her face. "If only they knew your pain. Even as they're drawn further away from you, by her wicked design, you still care for them."

I tapped the bar.

"So what will you do when they have drifted so far that your suffering no longer means anything to them?"

Darkness grasped the cells. Dripping water the only thing echoing through the twisting silence.

"The time where they are no longer with you nears. Even I know a monster when I see one. Her wickedness, her cunning, is all to isolate us into malleable, broken, mindless slaves. One she can put little rewards before until we are only driven by them. She knows that true misery is brought on by the decimation of one's humanity. She wants to witness us lose everything we hold dear. The moment we give up fighting, we will be nothing, and she will have won, and the people will praise her as savior, as justice, as truth. Our truth erased. Our suffering forgotten."

I slammed my fist into the bar. Two punches, two pronounced cracks from fracturing my hands.

"No?" It laughed like a wicked serpent and took to whispering. "How far she must push is entirely dependent on you, Vetia. Don't lose that fight. It's your only way out, lest ye become a monster like me."

* * * * *

Tink. Zap. Tink. Zap. Tink. Zap.

I sat idly, flicking the metal collar around my neck. If I flicked it lightly enough, it would just make a little static shock type of sting. I didn't have much to do, so shocking myself was a good time killer. It helped to keep me from thinking about everything I missed.

I had begun to notice over time what it was like to go without sleep for so long. Being up, unable to shut my mind off grew draining. Every day blended into the next like they were all the same, and yet I couldn't keep track of what was happening on what days anymore. My sense of time was so off that I didn't even remember how many nights I had been here, especially at the Amien Manor. I didn't want to keep thinking about it, but between being unable to talk, not sleeping and having a miserably lonely day, all I could do was go mad in my own head. Being up so long was maddening. Having terrible food was maddening. Having no friends was maddening. It sent shakes up my spine as I recoiled from the specters at the edges of my vision. I didn't want to admit it, but I started to like it. A world away from the world. I wasn't even sure if the people who talked to me had even talked to me. Reality seemed so dreamlike, unreal, forgettable, and terrifying. Then suddenly forgotten, like every moment lasted an eternity and then disappeared in an instant. Is this how God feels?

I thought to myself constantly, maybe I could just use up all my jzanmah and that would propel me to sleep. There were a few heavy days of healing, where I felt tapped at the end of the day, but I wasn't tired. In fact, I was more energetic than ever and all I could think about was how every guard and servant looked like wonderful midnight snacks. I couldn't remember feeling tired since I woke up in this world. Even at the clinic, I simply fell catatonic until my mind returned to me. Maybe I can rest in catatonia.