(Skeppys annoyed at the clinginess bad shows him, and then it escalates into flash backs that remind skeppy of when he was in high school.) TW: VOMIT
Skeppys POV~
I just woke up, and I'm about to cook breakfast, but bads holding me from behind like he usually always does. It really restricts my movement, and I really want some space from time to time.
"Bad. Can I have some space please?" I ask and try to move his hands off my waist. "Why?" He asks as he keeps them there. "I just want some space to myself for a few minutes!" I say angrily.
He loosens his grip in response. "Why are you so clingy all the time?!" I remove his hands from my waist. He steps back and I turn around, slightly mad. "Because I love you.." He says with hesitancy. I can tell that's not the whole truth.
"What's the real reason." Annoyance in my tone. "There is no 'real' reason!" He starts matching me. "I can tell when you're lying! Are you seriously going to lie to me right now?!"
"You already know the reason!" He responds. "No, I don't!" I look up at him expectantly. "Yes you do! Don't play dumb skeppy."
"It's not playing dumb if I don't have any fucking clue what you're talking about!" I raise my voice a little. "If you really want to know, it's because every time you're out of my sight for even a second I worry something bad will happen." He says cooly.
"That's still not the full reason. Plus, you can look at me without needing to have your hands on me all the time!" We're making eye contact now, and my eyes are filling with tears.
"Fine then! It's because ever since you came out as gay in high school I vowed to protect you and be no more than a foot away from you at every possible moment, and ever since you tried to end yourself I've been extra protective because I don't want you to even have a moment to think about doing that ever again because it destroyed me. Every time I can't reach out and touch you I remember when I wasn't there for you and it almost resulted in your death. I hated myself for a long time because I always thought it was somewhat my fault since I decided to go on that trip, and there was a chance we could've never had all this together and I blame myself for that! When I touch you, I remember when you finally started to recover, when you finally started to not hate yourself, and when you finally didn't hate yourself more than you loved me!"
I'm taken aback. I caused so much to him with that attempt. I always thought he wasn't entirely truthful with how it made him feel, but I didn't know he felt like that. I feel tears streaming down my face, and I'm at a loss for words.
I can't speak, and suddenly I'm seventeen again and in my bedroom the day of. I bolt upstairs, my brain blocking out all the sounds and words bad might be making, and head into the bathroom.
I lock it behind me, and sit with my knees up and my head in my hands, just like when I was in the hospital. I sob, loudly. Probably the loudest I've cried since my panic attack in bads backyard that day after those boys beat me up.
My eyes cloud with tears, and I'm choking on air. I choke out sobs over and over, I'm definitely not a pretty crier when I cry like this.
Suddenly, my chest feels heavy, and I start breathing insanely fast, so fast that my lungs start to sting, this feels the same as the time I was in bads backyard in high school having that panic attack.
My eyes start to hurt with how hard I'm crying, and I rock my body back and forth on the cold tile of the bathroom floor. I'm reminded of all the times bad took care of me while I was at my lowest, and I feel selfish for running off and crying, I feel selfish for yelling at him.
I can't get up, the only motion my body is allowing me is rocking back and forth and gripping my hair angrily. I struggle to breathe and breathe too much at the same time, it feels so weird and I hate it. Tears soak my T-shirt, and I start to feel a tingling feeling in my stomach.
I move myself over to the toilet, as if my body was on autopilot. I open the lid and there goes last night's dinner. My stomach hurts, and I can't see at all with how many tears are in my eyes.
"Baby? Are you throwing up?! I'm so sorry, please can I come in? Im sorry I'm sorry I didn't mean to make you feel this way in so sorry I love you so much, I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry-" Is all I hear from the other side of the door.
That just makes me sob harder, and clearly that can be heard by bad from the other side since he starts knocking, and talking more with a worried tone. My brain shuts out what he's saying, and it feels awful. The feeling in my stomach arises again, and the sound of the stuff previously in my stomach hitting the inside of the toilet makes me nauseous.
I feel horrible that bad is apologizing to me when I'm clearly the one that needs to apologize, and it just makes me cry harder. I can't form any words but I desperately try to, failing miserably.
My stomach hurts, my lungs hurt, my legs are shaking, I can't move my body, and I can't see with how hard I'm crying.
I feel like I'm in high school all over again.
"Baby please let me in, I'm so sorry I didn't mean to make you cry, I hate making you cry.." Bad says with a soft tone in his voice.
I try to speak, and I get slight results, "c-come i-" I'm cut off by excreting more of my previous meals into the toilet in front of me. "I can come in?" He asks sweetly. I try to say yes, but all that comes out is a gurgled "ye-" more and more food falls into the toilet, and my stomach starts to hurt bad.
The door to the bathroom creaks open quickly, and I feel a presence behind me. My legs shake pathetically below me as I cry and lose all my previous meals into the toilet. "Oh baby.." Bad says with serious concern in his voice.
There's no more food in my stomach, so I cease in the removal of it. My body still wants me to, but I physically can't. It hurts so bad. I cry even harder now, and don't turn to face bad.
"I'm really sorry, I didn't want to tell you all that but it just came out, I'm so sorry." He says. I feel a hand gently go through my hair, and another hand over by my stomach. "Your stomach must hurt now honey.." He says. I still don't say anything, but I manage a slight nod.
He pulls me back so I'm leaning against him, and I tilt my head to look at his face. He's crying too, and I hardly ever see him cry. It makes me feel so much worse. He pets my hair gently, and with his other hand he rubs my stomach. It slightly relieves the pain there, and I do enjoy it.
Seeing him cry makes me cry harder. My eyes are cloudy, and they hurt really bad. The hand in my hair retracts and after a few seconds there's toilet paper wiping my mouth off.
The toilet infront of me flushes, and I shut my eyes. "M' s-sor-sorry..d-didnt mean t' make y-you f-feel.. That w-w-way.." I manage, my words slurred and I fear he won't understand.
"It's okay baby.. It's okay.." Bad says as he pulls me closer. I scoot myself closer too, and now I'm sitting in his lap. "I love you so much, none of this is your fault.."
I try my best to believe him, and I slowly start to fall asleep. I move my arms and hold onto him as tightly as I can, afraid he'll disappear if I don't. "M' sorry.." I mutter out before falling asleep.
END
IDK IF THIS IS GOOD ANGST OR NOT..
by the way I have a long smut chapter coming out soon with lots of stuff combined into it at once so we'll pretend this happened after that lol
Word count: 1485 :3
