FILTHY INFATUATION [KTH]

54 FILTHY INFATUATION

present 

54| “A trouble not so worth it.” 

As they stepped in the house, a prolonged silence tumbled in. Taehyung’s breaths were like razors sharp behind his throat and came out into short, hectic pants. His shoulders were locked, his back muscles bunched in certainty upon feeling her gaze following him like a thundering cloud. With panic knotting his bones, he gazed back at Nina, who was now staring at him with countless questions written all over his face.

“I’m sorry, red. it must be hurting a lot right, I wasn't in my senses. I’m so sorry, I'll never intentionally hurt you.” His words cut off when she reached him and cradled his face into her soft palms and there his pretense to be strong thawed under her touch.

“Look at me. I'm fine and I'm not hurt.” Nina assured him with such gentleness, Taehyung’s blazing heart softened. “But… are you okay?” 

“Yeah, of course. Why wouldn’t I be?” Seeing his beautiful, golden eyes filled with emptiness was no different than having a knife plunged deep into her gut. 

Hyeon’s visitation and all the venomous things he had said had rattled Taehyung as it was radiating out of him in silent waves. Nina couldn't just sit and see him go through the turmoil alone. So all this time, the kindness from Hyeon and the love and respect he showed for his family was a composed façade – because from whatever she heard and had found out tonight, Nina understood Hyeon runs a lot deeper than what meets the eyes. He wasn't a good father, not a good husband, nor a good person. He was supposed to care more about Taehyung and his family, he should have been their pillar, but he failed to do that.

“Your dad—” He didn't let her finish the words. 

“Don’t worry your pretty head about him, he can go and fuck himself.” As Taehyung uttered the words, it didn't sound comically strong, they were as brittle as his breathing.

A sigh abandoned him when Nina wrapped her arms around his waist and tightly embraced his coiled muscles. The comfort. The reassurance. The overwhelming warmth. He wasn't alone. He had Nina. Taehyung buried his nose in the curve of her neck and his chest vibrated because she smelled like a place he could banish himself without having the fear of darkness. She was his own very secret gardenia. 

“We can talk.” Nina mumbled against his chest, her voice was a fragile light in the darkest abyss in his mind. 

Talk about exactly what? What could they discuss? The unspeakable horror of his past where he couldn't save his people? His mother getting thrown into the asylum because her fault was to fall in love with this heartless man? His little sister's disappearance? His father's abandonment? The nightmares that suffocated and haunted him, the voices that screamed at him to end it? Would he tell her how the voices tell him to kill himself because he was an empty cell of misery and was a waste of space. Or would he be able to tell her how he was going through the crushing guilt and fear of hurting her? 

His thoughts scorched his body and tendril through his veins.

No, Taehyung couldn't tell her all of this. It was too shameful, his head was a fucked place and, Nina should stay away from it. He didn't need to taint her light with his sordid reality.

“Let's not talk about it.” Taehyung pulled away, his eyes looking everywhere but her. His steps were wobbly as he grabbed the car keys and was about to escape, Nina’s next words halted his breathing.