You Are My Unreachable Grandeur [BL]

Part 1

1

The day I returned to the country coincided with Bao Jian Zhi's thirtieth birthday.

He is much steadier now than he was eight years ago, calmly drinking by the side at the bustling party.

I came in the heavy snow, my breath melting the snowflakes on my eyelashes, turning the man into a dark silhouette.

It wasn't until a dazzling red dress appeared that I saw her standing next to him.

I never took that step forward.

Watching them clink glasses and chat, they were a perfect match in terms of appearance, figure, and temperament.

Yes, Bao Jian Zhi was thirty now, the age to consider marriage.

His personal life is very clean, rarely associating with the opposite sex, and many previously speculated whether he was asexual or had an abnormal sexual orientation.

A secret I kept in my heart was hoping it was the latter.

"Young master, why don't you go over?"

I smiled and shook my head: "No, I'm a bit tired. Please help me pass the gift to brother."

I originally planned to return to the Bao residence, but thinking about that scene, I felt insecure and returned to my other residence instead.

Bao Jian Zhi never mistreated me.

Cars, houses, he would send them over every year without me even asking.

People in our circles in the capital say Bao Jian Zhi truly cherishes me.

But the man never cared to talk much, only smiling faintly, "My Ah Chen deserves it."

Who would have thought, these things are beyond my reach.

2

Bao Jian Zhi picked me up.

As a child, I was not very smart, naturally slower than normal people in reaction, and unclear in logic.

My peers often called me stupid.

My mother frequently pointed at my head, saying, "Why did I give birth to a son with brain problems, our whole family is dragged down by you, you know!"

Once she lost her temper, the whole family had no choice but to turn a blind eye.

They never pitied me, and I didn't know how to cry; when hit and in pain, I could only laugh foolishly.

Even when my father came home from work at night and saw me covered in bruises, he just disdainfully looked away.

"Why can't you be like your brother."

"You were born a fool."

"It would be more useful to raise a dog than to feed you."

Back then, I often couldn't understand why they didn't like me yet kept me.

I've fought with dogs over food and slept in the same room as chickens.

When my mother took my brother out to play, fearing I would run around, she would chain my neck with a chain as thick as an arm.

Back then, I often stood on a stool, tiptoeing to look at the scenery outside the high window.

I didn't understand what freedom meant, I just hoped my mother would come home before dark.

I was afraid of the dark.

3

It was cool on my forehead, and I almost instantly opened my eyes.

Bao Jian Zhi didn't expect me to wake up, the scent of agarwood on him mixed with a bit of alcohol, wasn't unpleasant at all.

"Having a nightmare?"

Still buffering emotionally, I wasn't prepared and could only nod slowly.

He withdrew his hand, kneeling on the bed, the alcohol seemed to slow down this usually rational man, he frowned slightly in thought: "What should we do then?"

Bao Jian Zhi seemed different.

This was my most direct feeling.

He seemed to have become more humane—

Yes, the previous Bao Jian Zhi was always described by everyone as gentle, but only when you really got close would you know, actually, his heart was cold, everyone was shut out.

"May there always be strength behind you.

"May you become your own sun.

"May you forever reside in time and fall in love with each other's appearance."

This was the first time I heard Bao Jian Zhi sing. [1]

The man's voice was slow and deep, leaning beside me, his actions casual.

My thoughts were pulled far away by his voice.

4

The first time I met Bao Jian Zhi.

I was lying on the ground, covered in blood, indescribably disheveled.

He kicked open the door, came in against the light, and just with a cane, he knocked down that nouveau riche.

The man was graceful and gentlemanly, warm as jade, and it was easy to fall deep with one more glance.

He used a clean handkerchief to wipe the blood stains on me, and what approached was a faint scent of agarwood.

"Would you like to come with me?"

At that time, I didn't understand the meaning of these words, but I just felt he must be a good person, so I nodded vaguely.

Bao Jian Zhi's home was unimaginably big and luxurious.

These were only ever seen on TV dramas, but now I was actually living in this house.

Perhaps because it was too big, it was very quiet, no liveliness.

After Bao Jian Zhi brought me home, he didn't stay there for the next few days; the servants said he had always been busy.

During those days, I lived in unease, often dreaming of a man greasy-faced, reaching out his hands, plunging me into hell.

Later, I found out that only the scent on Bao Jian Zhi could reduce the nightmares.

So, every deep into the night, I would curl up in front of his door.

The place he often stayed carried the scent of agarwood.

I didn't expect to be caught by him on the spot.

Unexpectedly, I slept until noon, and as soon as I opened my eyes, my whole body turned cold.

Because I didn't know when I ended up in Bao Jian Zhi's bed.

He just quietly sat on the sofa next to it.

"Do you want to study?"

He just asked this question.

I pondered what studying meant.

It seemed that every time my mother scolded and hit me was because my brother scored high marks, dad would leave work early to buy my brother's favorite cake, grandma would tenderly hold his face and call him a good grandson.

Studying seemed like a good thing.

If I learned, perhaps the world would like me a bit more.

I nodded.

Decades later, on some night, I would be grateful for this decision, grateful for meeting Bao Jian Zhi, which changed my life.

________
Footnote:
[1] The name of the song referred here is 愿你.