Depersonalization Disorder / l.r.h

{ chapter 1 }

Having a human being that feels the same love for you as you have for them is unreal and indescribable. Pain is also a factor in the game of Love and infatuation. It comes and it goes. It is so simple to get over everything and anything, for most people that is. Not so much me.

-
May 11th 2011

9:25 pm
Leslie (:
lmao. you really scare me sometimes, hemmings. i like it ;)

My face heats up and beautiful thoughts fill up my whole mind as I read the text.

9:25 pm
To : Leslie (:
Why do you like my such horrible offensive jokes, Leslie? Do you got a crush on Lucas THE ROBERT Hemmings? Hmm? ;))

My nerves kick in but I send the message anyways. I've been so in love with Leslie Jane Mikks for 5 years now. I knew I was first in love when she gave me a handful of her Frosted Mini Wheats on the playground when we both were 10. I feel feelings for her that I never knew existed.

9:27 pm
Leslie (:
maybe !! maybe maybe!!.. hey luke. my dad just came busting in my room screaming at me to go to bed. i'll fake sleep for about an hour and i will sneak text u again. wish me luck ((: bye luke THE ROBERT hemmings ;)

-
10:57 pm

My anxiousness grows for her text.

To : Leslie (:
Oi! Are You awake or did you actually fall asleep? :-D

Minutes pass and I feel the sadness in my chest. I knew you shouldn't of have said that! You really messed your life up this time. She doesn't like you! Who would? Besides, Leslie is your bestfriend! You guys weren't meant to be together as a couple! Negative thoughts keep pulsing in my thoughts and I can't make myself stop.

1:03 am
I find my eyes getting droopy and my breathing calms down. I let myself fall into a deep sleep forgetting my mistakes. Sleep is my only release.
-

May 12th 2011
11:17 am
I toss and turn not wanting to wake up. I let myself accept the fact that I'm not falling back to sleep. I stretch and turn over towards my night stand. My body gets a weird feeling as I see my phone on my night stand. I reach and turn it on, revealing no new messages from Leslie. I sigh and bring it closer to my face so I can see the screen clearly. I unlock it and begin to text her again.

To : Leslie (:
Hey! I need someone to tell me good morning! I'm sad without you! I'm also lonely and cold... :(

I sigh again and turn it off letting it fall onto my chest. I stare at the white ceiling just thinking. I peal myself from laying down and I stand up and begin to stretch. I stick my phone in my flannel pajama pants pocket and make my way to the kitchen. My mom and dad are sitting close together looking at a stranger I've never seen before on the other side of the table looking concerned. "What's going on..?" I ask confused. "Luke come sit down.." My mother says. I make my way to the table and sit down to reveal that the stranger is a policeman. I get nervous and my parents are looking sad and concerned. "Leslie passed away last night, Luke." My father said looking sad. My chest gets tight and a ginormous dry lump in my throat pains me. Tears fill my eyes and come rushing down my cheeks. I put my head in my hands and weep out my sadness. My heart beats fast and catching my breath is a challenge. My mom comes over to comfort me by rubbing my back and hugging me. I keep bawling and all I care about is realizing and trying to get through my brain the fact that the girl I've truly loved is gone forever. I run out the front door wildly and just collapse onto my knees in the middle of the front yard. "Luke!" My mom yells from the porch. "No no no" I keep mumbling to myself still crying. "Luke sweetie I'm so sorry.. I am so sorry.." She says to me holding me in her arms sitting down on the grass with me. She runs her fingers through my hair and I just cry on her arm. She rocks back and forth trying to comfort me. "She's gone forever!" I say loudly. "Luke-" I race up out of mixed emotions and scream "I was so fucking in love with her!" I yell to my mom. Her emotions look totally dead and I'm standing there like a psycho. "I'm so sorry.." She says sadly. Sitting on her knees. I put my hand over my eyes and wipe away flowing tears. She's dead. She's gone. Forever. I will never talk to Leslie Jane Mikks ever again.

-

Love hasn't came my way since.