Depersonalization Disorder / l.r.h

{ chapter 5 }

/Cherry Wine - Hozier/

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"I love when the sun goes down.." She says breaking the awkward silence. I look to her focused eyes locked on the road. "You can actually see space.. Humans are so oblivious and ignorant. Why did we just take control of Earth? Like, what if dogs were supposed to rule us? What if we were supposed to be free as fuck? But no.. We had to take control and we are ruining it without even noticing it. It's terrifying." She says with emotion in her voice. "I hate humans, too." I say still admiring her natural beauty. She looks over at me for more than a second with a small smile then back at the road. I swallow down the nervousness and look out the window. "can I ask you some questions?" She says moving in her seat. Anxiousness sets in my fingertips and I wait for her first question. "Okay." I say. She breathes out and starts. "Okay.. So. When did you find out that you had a disorder?" She says looking over at me for a second. "Uhh. It was when I was 16." I say waiting for her response. "Do you know how you developed it?" She asks. I feel my legs tingle and I swallow again. I knew she was going to ask that. "A loss.. Of a very good.. close friend of mine." I say trying not to let the lump in my throat make my words shake. "Words can't express the pain a loss gives, right?" She says swallowing. I blink away the tiny tears as I sadly look down into my lap. "It's okay." She says putting her small hand on my shoulder and rubbing softly with her thumb. I force myself out of sadness by shifting around in my seat. "Did you love your friend?" She asks looking over to me. It feels like my head is getting bigger by the second. I shake my head yes. "It's a tender subject.. I understand. I just can't control the curiosity in my mind about you. And you're here, in my car, driving to my own home with you. I'm going to be completely honest with you. When I first saw you, I thought you were going to be with the same mind set as any teenage boy would. And this is only the second time I've ever met you and I feel like I've known you for the longest time. You're growing on me dude. I like your presence a lot." She says tucking her hair behind her ear and moving her hands with her words. I totally feel the same way about you, Livie. You're beautiful. "Really? You are the actual first human to like my presence." I say with a smirk. She looks at me and smiles back. "Yeah it's pretty okay I guess." She says with a blush and giggle. I feel as if I had won the lottery every time I cause her to smile. I run my nervous fingers through my messy quiff and look back to the window. She rolls it down with a button on her door and I look to her and laugh livening up the mood a bit. "Livie! It's too cold! Roll it up!" I say with my arms wrapped around my torso and a laugh. "This is what you get for not making me spaghetti!" She says laughing. "LIVIEEE" I say begging. "Fine, dweebie." She says rolling the window up. "Am I really a dweebie?" I say with a pouty face. "Yes. Totally. Not even a single doubt. But you're a cool dweebie. One of rarest dweebies in the solar system." she says giving me a sly smile. I look at her for the longest time. "The whole solar system?! Crazy" I say smiling automatically.
...

"Wow. I love this song so much." she says after our little commotion with the window, reaching to turn up the volume. "What is it?" I ask admiring her half humming and singing. The song is rather slow making it awkward but soothing for me. Her voice is so hollow and smooth. It feels like i'm in a dream. "it's called cherry wine." she says continuing her humming. "anything that associates with autumn or wine, i'm in love with it." she says with a small smile and a glance at me. I feel hopeless, she is so filled with her own personality it makes me numb to the touch. "me too." I say as my cheeks reveal blush. She gives me a surprised and  happy glowing expression and looks back at the road quickly. The song soon ends and so does the autumn vibes. "L-Livianna.." I stutter. "mm-hm?" she answers. My chest gets tight. "you are my bestfriend.." I say with a flustered smile and nervous tugging at my lip ring. "stop it!! you're so sweet I don't get it. you're so reserved and quiet but sometimes you'll have your little funny ass moments and I lo-" she stops right before the "L" word comes out. My heart begins to rot at the fact she didn't finish. "I love it. you are definitely my bestfriend, too." She finishes. She fucking finishes. It feels like angels are singing when she says that "L" word. She nervously laughs a tiny little laugh I've grown to know since we've hung out. "Here it is. My own little heaven." She says as we turn into her little driveway. "My parents literally live like a minute or two away. it's sad and I probably shouldn't of told you that." She says taking the keys out of the ignition. She looks up to me and her face is brightened perfectly by a baby blue street light. "Let's get our spaghetti on." she says with my giant comforter wrapped around the uncooked noodles and sauce. "Fine. But I swear if you get marinara sauce on my blankey, I will totally kill you and make it look like an accident." I say with a lazy smirk and can't help but look at how perfect her lips look in this light. "Deal." she says holding up her pinky. We interlock pinkies and scurry up to the house.