Depersonalization Disorder / l.r.h

{ chapter 3 }

"Luke! Wow hey man! I was thinking that you were going to blow this off.." Calum says opening the door. I swallow harshly and blush angerly. "Why?" I ask out of defense for myself. "Because you about ran me over with your car." He says laughing. I cringe at his happiness as he invites me in. I clench my jaw and slowly step into the doorway. "Everyone's in the basement. I'm going to get some sodas if you want to wait for me." He says jogging to the kitchen. "Nice.. place.." I say awkwardly trying to make conversation. "Thanks, Coke mate?" He asks handing me a cold Coke-A-Cola. "..sure." I say trying to act nicely because I know deep down I will probably leave it open sitting somewhere.

"Right this way." He says as I follow him into a hallway of stairs going down. I hear girls laughing and talking behind the wall we are about to pass. "The man of honor has arrived!" Calum says loudly as he gets one giggle. "Livie, this is Luke." He says as I'm just passing the wall. I turn my head to see her and I about fall down the stairs. My heart drops as I see the girl sitting beside Calum's sister with her arms crossed. She quickly gets up and my chest tightens as she is more gorgeous than most of the girls I've ever seen. She smiles awkwardly and I return a small smile. "Well. Don't be shy y'all." Says Calum's sister. I swallow again as I follow Calum to the couch.

"I'm Livianna." She says as I sit next to her on the couch. "Luke." I say with another awkward smile. She smiles back sweetly and I feel my cheeks light up as I watch her. She looks down then looks back over to Calum's sister. "Luke make a move dude." Calum whispers. I give him a glare and look back to Livie. My eyes trail down to her arm and she has bracelets upon bracelets going up her wrist. "I-I like your bracelets.." I say awkwardly and nervously regretting it as soon as I say it. "Oh thanks. Yours too." She says blushing and smiling as she looks to mine. Mine are simply a cover up for bad memories and mistakes. Sad times if you will. "So. Anyone up for a scary movie?" Calum says breaking the awkward silence. "I..I will be right back.." Livie says and quickly gets up heading for the bathroom. "Is she okay?" Calum rudely asks. "That's rude." I say playing with my ugly bracelets. "What?" Calum says shuffling all the movies in his movie basket. "Nothing..." I say back.

Livie comes back out and she is looking to the ground. She sits closer to me than she was making our arms touch. I blush and Calum finally picks a movie. I keep glancing over at her and she's staring blankly down into her lap. I playfully nudge her and she looks up at me with a small lazy smirk. Was that confidence? What the fuck? It was like a reflex or something.

30 minutes into the movie and awkward silence, she gets up in the dark and pulls me up. "W-Where are we going?" I ask her blushing insanely even in the dark. "No questions." She says loudly sighing trying to make her way through the dark. She finally draws back a curtain, revealing a sliding glass door to a padio. She opens the door and gestures me with her hand to follow her. I swallow nervously and follow. She takes me to two lounge chairs lit up by the porch light. "I don't know about you, but I hate scary movies." She says plopping onto a chair. I sit in the other one in front of her and look up at the night sky. It's so cloudy so it's like looking at a grey and black color piece of construction paper. "I'm not totally fond of them either." I say back. She tilts her head looking at me and out of nerves I look down. "Calum.. told me that we have something in common.." She says looking down also. "I-I was really surprised.. It seemed like I was the only one ya know..?" She says playing with her bracelets. "I know.." I say nervously biting my lip. "So um. Could I ask you something.. if we are both fighting this together?" She says not looking up from her bracelets. "Oh. Okay.." I say carefully. "H-Have you ever.. Been so empty.. That you've h..hurt yourself?" She says obviously nervous. I clench my jaw and I get a mini wave of the cold sweats. "..Yes." I say admitting. "Noticeable?" She says blinking hard. "..mhm.." I say. She looks up at me and then down to my arm. "D-Do you think that we're wearing bracelets for the same reason..?" She says tightening her grip on her bracelets. "I.. I can tell you right now that I do it for the fashion." I say. She dry laughs and looks back down at her bracelets. "Wow. You like.. Broke my no laughing streak." She says smiling. I give a small smile and look over to something that's not actually her. "So.." She says. "Y-You've been sad?" I say. She looks up looking a tad suprised. "Are you not scared talking about it out loud?" She asks. My face heats up while I think of something to say. "It's.. It's reality.. It's ya know. Life. I mean yeah, I get nervous as hell talking about it but it's me. Sadness is in my mind.. And if you ask me about it, I'll tell you the real answer.. " I say swallowing. She nods and gets her phone from her pocket. "You're alright Luke.." She says smiling at me. I blush and look down like an idiot. She hands me her phone and there's something typed into it.

I'm really fucking sorry I'm so lame and awkward and nervous and weird. You probably already hate me. But I just can't get my words out loud and I always mess up my words and .. Yeah. So. Let's start over?

I type for a bit, then finally talk. "Hi. I'm Luke." I say to her and her face lightens up. "Livie." She says shaking my hand with a smile. "Are you as fucked up as I am Miss Livie?" I say still shaking her hand. "Oh I do most certainly believe I am." She says with a silly smile and I hand her back her phone. She looks at it, and starts to read.

Livie you are totally wrong. I haven't even known you for an hour and you are already cooler than 90% of the people I know. I don't hate you. I'm actually glad that Calum set us up. And I 100% get how you can't get your words out. It happens to me literally everyday. I don't say stuff how I want to and it just comes out like shit. Anyways, I'm awkward as fuck too, so don't feel bad about that. And just to be clear, yes I have had dark days when I opened my skin up. And yes I do cover the remains with these ugly ass bracelets. (-: (yes that is a sarcastic smiley.)

She frowns and she also smiles as she reads. "So." She says. "Can 'sarcastic smiley' be our new inside joke?" She says smiling.