who knows anymore ♡ Poetry & Prose

good night

I remind my friends,
"I got on a greyhound and went to New Jersey with $50 in my pocket,"
Because I see how
Some of them still doubt
Always will
But my friends with the deepest cuts
Also cut the deepest,
Seeing through whatever
Programming I grew up with
Into my homeless veins,
Behind the beating of my heart
Sits a different rhythm in
Every chamber from the
Beatings it had taken
Been forced to escape from
Calling bluffs on murderers
To harmless muggers
Constantly on the ready
All for the sake of maybe one day
Getting home safely
Trying to build it
Neither here or there
But in a place protected by
A family of those looking into
My raw vernacular or
Masked tones
All meant to hide from
Giving away too much of myself
With prior history
Of giving too much being
All that I have
While still being told
It will never be enough
Or I don't care
Years later,
Told I care too much
So I sleep on my couch
Unable to stand
Or sleep soundly in comfort
Knowing my family
Decided they could
Come and go as they please
And take whatever they want
With them
Spreading gossip and stories
Without ever encouraging
Anyone to reach out
And care for me
Having lost all blood
Left with only the ones who
Choose me back-
I'm left with the cherry bombs, runaways, outcasts, damsels in Doc Martens,
Born into slaying
Standing beside me
While I do my best
To get one good night of sleep