who knows anymore ♡ Poetry & Prose

New York City

"When are you going to move to New York?"

"When I feel like it."

"What do you mean?"

"If I had wanted to be there right now, I would be.

It has never been the right time.

I have not finished writing a novel.

Trying to find somewhere to live in a city with two cats sounds extra difficult.

Classes are cheaper at the local college.

Too many people live here that care about me.

I have traveled there, and likely will again.

There has not been a need to uproot myself, now that I have found footing.

Moving away from love was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do, which I am not sure I could ever handle again.

I am not made to give up on dreams or goals, in it until the very end.

I dreamed we were together, waking up after a long night watching a movie both of us thought was 'okay', with the sun preaching through curtains onto our bed to highlight the freckles on your arms clenched around me while you snored heavily, undisturbed by my turning to face you.

I used to fantasize about waking up in a shitty studio to a stray dog I adopted licking my toes to let me know it is far too late to be sleeping in if I am to ever have any hope of my words being read by someone that matters.

I catch myself acting curious as I question whether or not my words mattered to you.

Finding your love filled a hole inside of me I didn't know was there.

As attached as I have become, I would not wish on heartstrings pulled thousands of miles tight with the hope you might hear me.

Loving you is a good enough reason to stay.

The future I wished for was only a wish.

The future I planned for was already real.

I will not stop until I can feel the same sort of safety I once felt within you.

I will not find that in New York City."