gently like leaves

48

[ KAELA'S NEW NOTEBOOK ]

First Page:

LOVE LOCKET 202X

Second to Third Page:

TO SPEAK OF LOVE IS TO SPEAK OF YOU

When I received that call one afternoon, about two years ago, I understood how it feels to have your heart fall onto the ground. And when your heartbeat refused to come back on their own, it was too late to catch what was falling, and I was left with something broken beyond repair.

I thought love was a smoke kept within the walls of my heart, and now that it has crevices lurking beneath the layers, it continues to escape out of me— not for others to feel, but simply just to abandon what was once their home.

Pa, losing you felt like losing love in me. It wasn't just a heartbreak. It was a heartwreck. That no matter how much love I received from Mama and Kylie, it kept flowing out of me like it's water I'm trying to embrace, leaving me an empty shell that was once filled.

Yet, I continue to give whatever I managed to save, because I somehow need to make them at peace that I am okay. And they deserve to receive the love they give. Because like me, I know they're hurting too.

Still, constantly, I run out of it.

And there's no you to fill my cup anymore.

But I knew you heard my cries. I knew you would've wiped my tears if you were here. You would have made me my favorite aroscaldo to lighten the heavy heart, and you would've prepared my favorite chocolate drink to fill the emptiness inside. And you would've sung me to sleep until I woke up healed.

Knowing that you have loved me so dearly, and would've continued to, is what keeps me going; it's what keeps me loving, and receiving, and giving, and healing.

Because there was you in my life, I was loved.

Because there is still you in my heart, I am loved.

So, I will love.

Until love will, once again, find a home within me.

And pa, for the past weeks, I think love has found their way to me. It was a small ant at first who found my heart worthy of home, then it called its colony to fill the spaces that were left unoccupied. Now, I'm slowly getting filled with it.

I see Mama's love clearer now. She's not into words as much as you are, but she shows her love through her actions. She drives us to school whenever she can. She constantly checks up on me and intentionally makes time for us twins. Whenever she goes to work or comes home from work at dawn, she stops by our room to kiss our foreheads— I caught her twice doing that to me (I assume she's doing the same to Kylie) and I just stayed still and played the part as her sleeping daughter.

I appreciate Kylie's love more. I felt like I used to take it for granted as we are twins anyway and loving each other is as normal as breathing. But to hurt and love still, to lose something and still be generous, to break and be gentle anyway, are something I didn't know love can do until her. She has been nothing but sunshine to me and Mama, just like you. She reminds me of your love. She has been patient in healing: mine, Mama's, and her own. And I aspire to learn that love.

Then, there's a boy in school. Before you give me a suspicious look, he's just a friend. He was that ant I was talking about. He approached me one night before class started and for some reason, since then, daylight has reached this side of town. I've grown closer to Cia and Joven because of him, I was welcomed within a circle of friends through him, I was able to spend less time in my room and alone, academics isn't as heavy as it used to be, I was able to visit places and try things I haven't tried, I look forward to tomorrows often now, and I look back to yesterdays with a happy heart. Now, I'm able to experience the love friendship brings. Honestly, thanks to him. His name is Clief.

So, pa, there's nothing to worry about. I also know now that I don't have to worry. Because your love is with me, Mama's love is with me, Kylie's love is with me, and my friends' love is with me.

And I will be healing and loving because of all your love, because of all of you.

Love,
Kaela

[ INSTAGRAM ]

👤 kmdtorre | 7h

[ A post with four pictures, all in landscape.
> The first one is a selfie pic of Kaela with her Dad. Her dad was the one holding the phone and Kaela was clinging to her father's arm. A field of greenery is seen behind them.
> The second one is a selfie pic of Kaela with her mom. They were inside a car. Kaela was seated in the passenger, holding the phone, while her mother was smiling from the driver seat holding the steering wheel.
> The third one is a picture of Kaela and Kylie. They were both in matching pink silk pajama. Both are seated on the bed with their backs rested on the headboard and their legs folded. Kylie raised a peace sign with her tongue slightly out and left eyebrow slightly raised. Kaela gave a smile, teeth hidden behind her lips, and hands rested on her legs.
> The last one is Kaela and her friends' group photo on the booth, without the border this time. A soft copy sent to them by CTE. ]

Liked by cliefalforque and others
kmdtorre and when i speak of love, i will utter your name
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summersun love u always sissy ☹️💛☹️💛
ciabiel ANOBA KAPAG AKO UMIYAK

⤹⋆⸙͎۪۫｡˚۰˚☽˚⤹⋆⸙͎۪۫｡˚۰˚☽˚⤹⋆⸙͎۪۫｡˚

#gllclkb