The Boy Who Couldn't Save Me

Chapter 10: The Heir

first borns are said to be nothing more than imperious with the desire to seek power and for many that would be true...
in this case, that was just the nature of the middle child, subconsciously trying to outshine their older sibling...
question is, who really held all the power here?

Today, I wished that I had the superpower to stop time because it was her birthday. Or maybe just for the ability to reverse time and make everything different.
Sadie was finally seventeen-years-old and she wasn't even here to wake up to her special birthday breakfast like every year before.
There was a particular feeling in the house today, which was unsettling because I knew exactly what the feeling was. Emptiness. And how can you feel emptiness if it means to be in the state of containing nothing or to be without something? We were without Sadie, but we definitely weren't feeling nothing.
Summer rain had been on and off for two days now. It was like the universe was tapped into the reality of our lives and this was just its way of acting out. It's been two days since Frankie and I made our statements and all that I know was that when we left the station, the cops were on their way to arrest Hunter.
People can normally settle for the no news is good news thing but that didn't sit well with me. I believed that no news was just no news and it was not knowing any news that would tend to send me into panic mode.
Did they get Hunter?
What did he tell them?
Did he admit to what he did? Of course he didn't! Don't be stupid, Bailie.
Did he get released on bail? Exactly who would bail him out? My dad was still in prison and there's no way his mom would have that kind of money.
As much as she didn't deserve it, I couldn't help wondering what this has done to Zoey. Her face when Hunter wore pride on his face when she asked him if what I told her was true. And another thing I couldn't stop thinking about was what Hunter told me.
He's my brother.
How could that have possibly happened and no one apart from Zoey and my dad - and now Hunter - knew about it? All this time, all these years where I wondered what it was about Hunter that my dad seemed to love when he seemed to hate everything about me? I would just tell myself to believe that it was because he was a son, but he even abused Hunter as well as me. Only one of us turned out good and the other bad. Although, Hunter has been surrounded by people that weren't good for him his whole life, whereas I got out and found people like me. We really were two sides of the same coin.
When we got back from the station, we were both so exhausted from everything that day, that we just went straight to bed. But, the next day we told the family what we were told by Zoey and Hunter. No one could believe it, especially my mom. She had no idea that my dad and Zoey even spent any time together and even though Dina was aware that they did, she thought their friendship ended on d he married my mom and she definitely wasn't aware that anything romantic had come of it. Zack was in the most shock. He didn't say anything but his face said everything. He gave us a 'I told you going over there was a bad idea' look and then just locked himself in the living room for most of the day, until he decided to go back to Kenedie.
I walked downstairs and into the kitchen to find Dina and Nathan wrapping presents at the table. It seemed like what they were doing was so normal that I half expected Sadie to walk into the room and for this whole thing to have been a nightmare. Sadly, that wasn't the case. I knew this for definite when I noticed the unmissable pile of used tissues that were scattered next to Dina on the other chair.
I didn't speak to them because I didn't want to interrupt them. They were still wrapping birthday presents for their daughter and trying to still have a normal birthday for her - even if it meant having to celebrate it without her. I didn't know what to say to them. There was nothing that I could have said to them on this day that they both took off work to be with the absence of their own child. I wish to never know what that's like.
Zack came into the kitchen behind me and was rubbing his tired eyes as he yawned, making his way around me and over to the coffee pot.
I heard him crying last night. He did go back to Kenedie's house two nights ago but he wanted to wake up here today so he spent the night on the couch. I thought it was ridiculous that Frankie and I still were stuck sleeping in Zack's bed, it made me feel worse. Zack didn't really seem to mind since he knew that all we were definitely doing was sleeping. But again, it did made sense if Zack was gonna go back to Kenedie's again, where I knew they were definitely not just sleeping.
"What did you guys get her?" Zack asked his parents as he made his way over to them. I realised I was standing in the middle of the room like a statue so I shook myself and also made some coffee.
"We got her a photo album, you know she loves those," Dina smiled a hopeful smile.
"We also got her some puzzle books to keep her mind busy," Nathan said without smiling, almost as if he was just going along with this for the sake of his wife, almost as if he didn't believe she was ever coming back to open these presents.
Zack had the same look as his dad but hid it with a hopeful smile. He just wanted this day to go smoothly for his mom. And that's all I wanted too.
"She'll love them," Zack smiled as his parents. His eyes then shot up at me and I realised I was staring; staring too long. I looked down at my coffee mug as I had nowhere else to look.
Dina began taping a tag to the wrapped present and then wrote a message on it to Sadie. Nathan then did the same on his present and they piled them on top of each other.
Zack looked exhausted, like he hadn't been sleeping no matter whose bed or couch he was on. He sparked up a cigarette and walked to the back door which was open, and he sat on the single step which was dry and covered by the porch roof. I found myself again twirling the charm on the best friend bracelet Sadie gave me for my birthday and wondered if she ever did the same, if she still even had hers.
I walked to the step at the back door with my coffee and sat next to Zack. I felt him looking at me as I kept my eyes on the ground and listened to the pitter patters of rain drops.
"I know that today is gonna be so difficult for you guys," I began. "But, I'm gonna be there as much as I can for you."
"Thank you," he nodded. "How are you feeling?"
I was now looking at him. "Don't you worry about me today. We have forever to talk about that."
"Are you really gonna go through with it? Carrying his baby?"
Hearing those words made my insides burn and like I wanted to throw up.
"I don't know," I answered. "I can see in Frankie's eyes how much he wants me to but he understands my decision, no matter what it is."
A small smile formed on Zack's lips.
"What?" I asked him.
"All the years I've known Frankie, he's never been more ready to move heaven and earth for someone."
"Not even Hallie?"
"There was no way he would have stood by Hallie if this happened to her," Zack said before taking another smoke and that gave me only little time to think about that. "He's crazy in love with you."
This gave me a warm feeling in my chest which spread through my entire body like shallow ocean waves.
"Are you good with that?" I asked him and he looked at me with a serious look.
"I cheated on you remember," he pointed out. Like I could forget. "I'd have to be a real fucking asshole to get in the way of you being happy, wouldn't I?"
"Yeah, I guess you would," I laughed and he smiled.
After a few seconds of him continuing to smoke his cigarette and me holding onto my coffee mug for dear life, letting the coffee inside go cold, Zack spoke again.
"Bailie, I'm sorry," he quietly said and I looked at him. "You've no idea how much I hate myself for what I did and what makes it worse was that I can't even use the excuse that it was just a drunken mistake because it wasn't."
"Why did you do it?"
"I don't know, I guess I was desperate to find a way to get you to hate me."
"Hate you?"
"Yeah, you were right. I couldn't cope with what happened to you. I knew why you couldn't tell me but I was just mad that I was too dumb enough to notice that something was off with you. Anyway, with Sadie going missing and all, it just sent me over the edge and I could feel how much I was hurting you. I thought that if I could get you to hate me, you wouldn't wanna be with me anymore and I could stop hurting you."
"Well, that definitely backfired," I joked and a small smile appeared on his mouth.
"I don't know why I thought me hurting you was a good way to stop hurting you," he shook his head. "Drunk thoughts make no fucking sense."
"No, I get it," I said. "Things were spiralling out of control and they just seemed to keep coming and you saw Kenedie as a way out of it. I don't blame you for that."
"Thanks," Zack half-smiled.
"And, for what it's worth, I could never hate you," I told him and then there was a twinkle in his eyes.
"I've really messed things up with Frankie too," he burrowed his head to the ground.
"No you didn't," I told him. "Frankie's head is just all over the place and he needs you more than he thinks."
"Yeah right," Zack scoffed.
"Trust me, he loves you just as much as you love him. You're both just as stubborn as each other to be the bigger man."
"Do you think he would forgive me?"
"Without a doubt," I told him. "He just wants you go forgive yourself and so do I."
Zack put out his cigarette and then put it in a little bucket next to the step. He then looked back at me.
"You know, you're one of the sweetest fucking people in the world," he said and I smiled. "You really see people."
"Probably because I spent most of my life being invisible. And I owe you everything."
"Why's that?"
"Because you're the first one who saw me," I told him and then I watched the colour slowly fade back into his cheeks.
"What do you think I should get Sadie for she birthday?" he asked.
"I don't even know what to get her," I admitted. "Sometimes I still go to call her, I keep forgetting that the cops have her phone."
"I don't even know if she thinks about calling me," I said. "My phone's still broke anyway so she wouldn't even get through."
"You still haven't gotten that fixed?"
"No, flying under the radar seemed peaceful for a while."
"You should get it fixed," I told him. "You have no idea how much people still need you."
I saw the tears in his eyes but he quickly blinked them away. He then winked his eye at me and stood up. He put his hand on my shoulder before walking back into the house.