BSD React/Chatfic

BSD learns the ABCs - ft Ari

hi tinies~
issa me the ded author, back with more stupid shit!!

i did say that updates were basically impossible but i ended up writing this to distract myself from the world

enjoy~

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Ari teleports BSD into the "Primary for babies" school!!!

Ari: Hello motherfuckers!!

Atsushi: I have fucked no mothers

Ari: I would argue with that but ur not a hoe :(

Auktagawa: How's that a bad thing?

Dazai: Ahh, primary school. Lots of memories

Chuuya: Bitch you didnt have a childhood

Dazai: Says you

Chuuya: Dont bully me

Yosano: School. Really.

Ari: Well technically there's only 3 babies in the room

Junichiro: And one of them is a fully grown 26 year old man child

Ranpo: hEy!! I heard that!!

Yosano: That would've sounded more serious without the lollipop and the hot pink fidget spinner 

Ranpo: Poe wouldn't let me be bullied like this

Poe: Uhm- Don't bully my baby?

Ranpo: Babe you could be a bit more threatening

Poe: Orrrrrr I can just set Karl onto them

Ranpo: oh that works too

Kyouka: not the racoon again 

Atsushi: Again??

Junichiro: *visible shuddering*

Ari: uhh anygays

Ari: we're learning the ABCs today!!

Dazai: OOOooooOOOO

Chuuya: we're literally adults why

Ari: bc yes!!

Auktagawa: you're a 2 year old in the body of a 24 year old.

Dazai: ouchhh- im 24???

Chuuya:......................................you're 22 dumb bitch

Dazai: aww so nice of Chuu to remind me!!

Chuuya: why are we married again?

Ranpo: you were drunk af

Yosano: i have a feeling chuuya didnt actually fully consent to the marriage

Chuuya: see, that's true. but also not

Atsushi: im concerned...

Auktagawa: they had me be the witness. that was the only time i'd seen Dazai-san drunk

Junichiro: eh? he can get drunk

Dazai: see, with the power i hold over the elements, i-

Chuuya: shut up, you fishy mackerel bastard

Ari: .......................guys

Atsushi: why "fishy mackerel" if mackerel is a fish

Poe: it's a fish?

Junichiro: pretty sure it is

Ari: *pulls out megaphone* ATTENTION MOTHER FUCKERS

Atsushi: I have fucked no mothers

Ari: YOU- nvm. YOU'RE LEARNING ABCs today. repeat after me!

Dazai: someone likes being in charge

Chuuya: *slaps dazai*

Dazai: am i supposed to feel hurt or turned on

Auktagawa: ................................it's a wonder you're not divorced yet

Dazai: pupil mine, why must thee be so rude

Yosano: im 99 percent sure that was grammatically so wrong

Poe: maybe

Yosano: shouldn't you know?

Poe: I can't bring myself to care, with Ranpo sitting next to me

Ranpo: that's sweet.

Junichiro: ngl i feel like this love is one-sided

Ranpo: *insulted toddler noises*

Ari: OKAY- ARE YALL GONNA LISTEN OR DO I HAVE TO SHUT YOU UP

*they all fall silent, miraculously. the author takes a second to recover from shock*

Ari: A is for ARSON

Ari: B is for "Back off, i'm going to commit arson"

Ari: C is for "Commit arson"

Chuuya: are you insane

Ari: *tsk noise* that's I. I is for "insane people commit arson"

Atsushi: omg she's lost it

Auktagawa:*dials a mental hospital*

Junichiro: naomi come pick me up

Ari: *le gasp* you choose her over me? how could you

Junichiro: my mental health is at stake in both places, does it matter

Atsushi: go hang out with Kenji

Junichiro: ...........................he's walking the cows 

Junichiro: and kunikida-san is............................................also walking the cows

Ari: HELP WTF LMAOOO

Atsushi: im surprised that kunikida-san isnt dead yet

Dazai: right? thought he'd die of a heart attack long ago

Chuuya: you guys are so wierd

Auktagawa: we aren't any better

Auktagawa: higuchi was sobbing over a model 

Chuuya: hey, in her defence, he was hot

Dazai:huh? who's hot?

Chuuya: some guy

Dazai: that's not me?

Chuuya: you think you're hot?

Yosano: *stage whisper* apply cold water to the burnt area.

Dazai: *clutches chest in mock anger* Chuu!! how could you

Chuuya: bc i can? besides, he was hot

Ranpo: this relationship is alive only because Dazai's crazy

Dazai: ouch, chuu loves me, right chuuya?

Chuuya: it's somewhere between "i wanna hit you" and "i wanna fuck you" 

Yosano: what

Dazai: ykw, i'll take that

Atsushi: i would not let that slide ngl

Auktagawa: good thing you'll never have to hear anything like that

Atsushi: aww, i love you too babe.

Ari: *retches* bleh, affection, disgusting

Ranpo: aren't you also dating someone

Ari:....................ignore that

Ari: also, you were supposed to learn ABCs

everyone: fuck it

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haiii welcome back to bullshit 101

hope u had a fun time

bye

love u guys smm