Our First Beginnings

smile and a shrug ↔

I know you were his friend, but sometimes I wish you could've been mine too. 

I tried my best to understand him, and I truly don't want to blame him for not talking to me, but I can't help but feel that maybe things would have worked out smoothly if you had lent your hand towards me, even just once. I learned to accept that he would always assume the worst of me, no matter how many times I reassured him. I just wasn't the person he wanted to talk to. 

It's nice he had a friend with whom he could share his difficulties with, but why did it have to be you? Or should I ask, why did you never come to me? Every time I came to you with an issue I had with him, you would simply shrug your shoulders, give an awkward smile, and reply with "He told me not to tell you." Even just the smallest bit of information would have made me feel so much more at ease. I don't think you ever knew just how many hours I spent, begging him to talk to me, just for him to go to you so easily. I understand it's difficult to confront the person you have an unresolved issue with, but how could one's communication be that terrible? 

Yet, he went to you so easily. Again and again. 

You could see how much I was struggling. You knew how overwhelmed I felt. We had known each other for years while you had only known him for a few months. Am I wrong to feel you chose sides? Even when you saw me breakdown, you never uttered a word. 

A smile and a shrug was all you gave me. 

I understand he was your friend, but I was yours too.

by: k