Change for me | Bbangsaz

Guilt

Minji's POV, 2 years ago (TW: Suicide mentions)

"Amen." Multiple voices surrounded me as I looked straight at the coffin lowering into the ground.

"Minji, would you like to say anything else for your mother?" The priest said to me but I was too lost in my own thoughts. I didn't comprehend anything he was saying.

"No." I said blanking before turning on my heel and heading straight to the gate to leave. I couldn't handle anymore of this bullshit. The whole evening people have pitied me and I just want to be left the fuck alone.

My mother just died and it's all my fucking fault. She was laying in a bathtub for gods sake asking for pills claiming she had a headache. Why the fuck did it not occur to me she was gonna kill herself.

Tears came flooding down my cheeks for the first time today. I heard people calling my name behind be since the funeral wasn't over yet. Why can't ever shut the fuck up. I just want to disappear.

Why did she leave me alone in this fucking world?

I found myself walking so far away from that graveyard and right to my dealers house. I was drenched from the rain but I didn't care I just needed something, anything. To take away the guilt and the pain.

I banged on the door not leaving space between knocks. I basically jumped out of my skin when the loud ass intercom I forgot about started playing loud static.

The annoying sound finally went away when I heard the sound of my dealers voice. "Minji, You can't be here right now."
Ilooked at the security camera above the door in disbelief. "The fuck do you mean I can't be here? I have money." I said rummaging through my pockets bringing out crumpled up dollars.

"Look, Minji." He sighed before continuing on, "I know about your mom, I'm not gonna give you anything." My anger was boiling over at this point. Why the fuck does he decide now to care about me.

"Fuck Hyun, please." I was begging at this point I don't think I've ever been this desperate for drugs.

"I already said no Minji. I shouldn't even be selling to someone your age. I can't-" It seemed he wanted to say something else but cut himself off. "Just go home." He said before shutting off his microphone.

Tears were threatening to spill down my face because what the fuck am I gonna do now? I kicked the door to hopefully vent some of my anger out but that barely helped.

I started walking away knowing Hyunk wouldn't budge. I wiped the tears that were slowly coming out of my eyes before taking a deep breath and pulling out my phone.

The only person that I felt comfortable with was my girlfriend, Aaliyah. But it's kind of a problem when I've barely seen her for like a week or two.

I can't even see her at school since we're on break and she's always busy doing who knows what. Hopefully she'll actually answer this time.

I went to messages and her contact. The last message she sent was two days ago, I didn't even get the chance to tell her about my dead mom.

Me: Aaliyah, where are you right now? Can I see you?

No reply.

Me: It's serious I really need you right now.

Is she fucking serious right now? When I need her the most she can't even reply?
I sighed deeply then remembered she told me her address awhile ago. If she can't take the time to answer my messages I'll see if she's at home.

I have nothing better to do anyway maybe this will occupy my thoughts because currently they're filled with straight up depression.

I put the address in my GPS and started my journey. The rain slacked up a little so it made walking a little easier.