No idea what to call this story (A light in this dark world)

Chapter 26

Clay goes back to the counter and takes the order of a girl who just entered the bar. Ash takes a sip of his beer. I hesitate before tasting what Clay picked for me :

"Ash : A Virgin Piña Colada huh.
Me : What ?
Ash : I know why he chose this drink.
Me : Why ?
Ash : Your duo with Mao, the song was something like 'i'll be your Piña Colada...-' i don't know what follows but you got it. You were also practicing that the first time we met.
Me : Yes ! I love this group, Boys World. But.. They disbanded a few weeks ago...
Ash : Kpop group ? I don't know them.
Me : Nope, american girlgroup.
Ash : Oh, okay."

We sip our drinks in silent. Ash wanted me to clear my head, when I feel even more locked with my problems. Leaving the crew... To go where..? To do what..?

"Ash : Hey, stop thinking about what goes wrong in your life. Think about the good part.
Me : What's the good part ?
Ash : It's your life not mine. Tell me. Oh I know, i can tell you one thing that goes well, you can count on me. And on Clay too. And on Halia. You said you had no friends anymore but that's false. Mila is still here for you too. It's just the closest and.. maybe the ones you were friends with for a long time who left. Of course it hurts. But.. You need to move on in your life. You can't let the ones that abandon you stay in your head when they're far away.
Me : Right. You're right. I should take my balls lmao.
Ash : Yes ! Take your damn balls and move forward in life. What's your biggest dream, Leni ?
Me : I guess.. Being able to live as a dance ?
Ash (trying to make me smile) : And that's not gonna happen in the snap of a finger ! Why aren't you training right now ?
Me (amused) : Because you're bothering me ! You wanted to take a drink with me. That's your fault.
Ash : Fortunately I was there to pick you up with a teaspoon ! You would've ended up depressed in your bed, thinking everything's your fault.
Me : I'm not the Christ. I've never thought my distance with most of my friends was entirely my fault. Same for Ryu's absence, it's not entirely my fault. I was the only one not prepared mentally, when the others were. But, I think I trained as much as I could and led the crew quite well too..
Ash : On stage, you seemed lost but also tired.
Me : Maybe I should've slept more buuuut I wanted to train.
Ash : You can't perform 100% if you're not in a good health. What did you eat today ?
Me : A yogurt this morning. Half of a wrap this midi.

Ash analyzes my answer.

Ash : ..Wait.. That's it ?? You trained the whole day and ate not even one proper meal ??
Me : It made up for my day yesterday !!
Ash : Why do you say that ??
Me : ..You don't have to tell me how to eat ! I eat well, to be normally healthy, okay ??

Ash listens to me with a slint of pity and a touch of misunderstanding. Pity ? Keep that for yourself, Ash. I'm trying to act like a grown woman, I have to look credible.

Ash : I beg your pardon ma'am ! I'm just trying to understand you.
Me : We keep talking about me. That's boring. And you ? You must have problems, like everyone.

He shrugs.

Ash : Like everyone, yeah."

He doesn't say anything much. I assume he does have problems, probably deeper than mine but he doesn't wanna talk about it. We finish our drinks and decide that it's getting late and that he should drive me 'home' now.

I fall asleep in his car.

                                    *

"Ash : Hey, terminus."

I slightly open my eyes and remember I was in his car :

"Me : Sorry.. I guess I fell asleep.

He laughs. Tell me what's funny about falling asleep please.

Ash : Don't worry, you're arrived.
Me : Thanks. For driving me home."

We stare at eachother. Why am I not leaving ? I should just open that door and join Bo. I detach my seat belt. Ash looks away and puts his left hand back on the steering wheel :

"Ash : I'm sending you the videos as soon as I get home. Tell me when you'll take your decision about your crew."

He smiles as I close the door behind me. That moment felt weird. Like we were retaining ourselves from something. Hum. p

In the dormitory

"Bo : How was your performance ??
Me : Crap.
Bo : Ouch, what happened ?
Me : A member only showed up at the middle of the performance and I messed up everything because of stress and.. and everything. I think I'm gonna leave my crew.
Bo : Oh. Damn.
Me : I'm gonna take a shower.
Bo : It's 11:30.
Me : So what ?"

Ash sends me his videos too. I didn't take time to look at Halia's ones neither. I decide to do that after my shower.

A few minutes later

The last thing I want right now is to watch myself messing up and looking totally lost on the stage of 'The room of the dance'. But I'm still doing it. Look for consistency... Let's start by Halia's ones. Once the lights turn on, I look surprised and taken aback, like I wasn't supposed to be here at all. Everyone can notice that I'm following the others' movements. I'm so ashamed. So much work for that, ew. Let's move to the next video, my duo with Mao who's supposed to be -okay-. Well it's.. Mid.. The first part is really awkward and the whole dance lacks synchronization and YES ONCE AGAIN I'M GONNA SAY IT, it lacks chemistry. But my gain of confidence for the highlight part is outstanding. I can't help but feel proud of it, proud of finally being about to properly master a dance on stage ?? I've done that at least 10 times !! Now, my solo, oh my god. I love the song I chose ! The beginning.. I look confident.. I don't even know if I could do it with that vibe again. Suddenly, someone near to Halia makes a comment. Oh, it's Ash. Wait, what did he say ? I put the video back.

"Dang.. She's sexy... Wait you're filming ??! Holy fuck"

-(^-^)- :Ashhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
i just re-read the first chapters and realized they were wayyy more well-written and funny than the last ones. I promise, Leni's depression is almost over 😶🍪