Sins of the Flesh

Chapter 7 Cole

My first kiss. I am reeling, staring at Caleb's office door. My first kiss and it made me cum in my pants. I was too wrapped up in the moment when it happened to be embarrassed. Then it sank in. Caleb, Father Nichol's from my mom's church, was my first kiss from a man. What the holy fuck! I have no idea how I am feeling. On the one hand, my first kiss was better than I had ever imagined. On the other hand, this could be considered every level of evil.

I went to the working bathroom to clean up as much as possible. My mind is in a fog. I can't remember what I am supposed to be doing—oh, right, the list for the kitchen project. I take a couple of deep breaths and grab my notepad and pen. Focusing on this may help clear my head a bit.

When I returned from the hardware store, I am no more settled or clear than I was when I stood in that hallway. I dropped off the supplies in the kitchen and decided I need to man up and talk to Caleb. Something caused this, and I worried I would be the one to blame.

I knocked on his office door. "Caleb?" There was no answer. I tried the door and realized Caleb had locked it. I knocked again, more determined this time. "Caleb? We need to talk." The lock clicked, but the door didn't open. So Slowly, I turned the knob and peered in. Caleb was at his desk face down, resting on his folded arms. His hair was tousled as if he had repeatedly run his fingers through it.

"Caleb? We need to talk about..." I took a deep breath. "about w..what happened?" he didn't stir, and my nerves became increasingly frayed as the seconds passed. I decided I needed to talk then if he wasn't going to. "If you don't talk, then I will,"

I start. "That um kiss was the first one I have ever had," I pause, and he shudders. "I'm not mad about it, and I'm sorry if you are." I wait a second. "I guess that's it."

I rise and turn towards the door to leave, but his words stop me. "You think I'm mad at you?" he asks bewildered. I turn around. "Well, aren't you? You think I seduced you or something?" His eyes go wide. "You..I...What?" He studders. He takes a deep breath. "You didn't do anything to make this happen, Cole. Why do you always think I will blame you?" he asks, his eyes showing fear as if afraid of my answer.

"Because I...I'm gay, and I thought somehow you knew," I said in a small voice.

He comes around his desk and cups my jaw, forcing me to look into his eyes. "This was ALL on me...I did this. Do you understand what I am saying?" I nod as best I can.

He drops his hands and turns his back to me, running his fingers through his hair and stopping to cup his neck. "If I am mad at anyone, it is me. I am the monster here." He says darkly, and I step up behind him so I am at his back and lay my cheek between his shoulder blades. "You are no monster, Caleb," I whisper. He chuckles. "I took from you, Cole, something that wasn't mine. It was selfish. Not to mention I am married and a Priest for fucks sake. How am I not a monster!" he throws his hands up, turning around and facing me, his eyes tortured.

I step into his space, and we are chest-to-chest. "I wanted you to take it...my first kiss." His look is surprised. "You did?" he asks, an innocent lilt to his tone now. "I dreamt about it after the power outage," I say, blushing. He cups my face. "Cole," he breathes onto my lips. "I... we can't." It is a hoarse whisper as his lips find mine in a sweet kiss.

He pulls back, one palm resting on my cheek. "So, have you ever done anything?" he pauses. "sexual, I mean?" he asks carefully. I shake my head, and he groans.

"Cole, we can't do this. It isn't right, not for either of us." his tone pleads as if I hold all the cards. "But what if I want to?" I ask, sounding braver than I feel. A part of me knew we shouldn't. Of course, I wasn't stupid. But Caleb made me feel things I never had physically and emotionally, and I wasn't ready to let that go.

His sigh is heavy. "I don't know if I can resist you." I knew it was the truth. "You might have to leave here for your own sake, Cole," he says, resigned.

I feel a panic rise in me. "N...no, you can't fire me or whatever this is. I..I..I" I can't get the words out; I am hysterical. He pulls me into his chest, stroking my back. Tears are forming in my eyes.

"Shhh," he soothes. "You don't have to go." I look at his face. "But you want me to? Is it because I'm gay?" I ask cautiously, my voice choked. He chuckles, pulling me back to his chest. Then he sighs. "I don't want you to go at all. I just. You have brought out something in me that I don't understand, and I am so afraid I will hurt you. Hell, I'm afraid I'll hurt everyone."