Sins of the Flesh

Chapter 14 Caleb

Pulling into the driveway of my house, I take a deep breath. Get out of my car and go inside. The house is as quiet as a tomb—the feeling of foreboding seeps into my bones. My nerves are a frayed, sparking bare wire. When I get to the bedroom door, I find Ally sitting on the bed, her hands wringing in her lap. I go in and sit near her on the bed.

"I'm..." I start, and she cuts me off. "You're in love with him, aren't you?" I don't know how to respond, so I don't. "In all our years together, I have never seen that look in your eyes, Caleb." As she says this, she turns towards me. Her face isn't giving away her emotions, so I just listen.

"The passion you had was unbelievable. You...you were a different man." She sounds sad but also in awe. "How long has it been going on?" she asks. "Just a few weeks," I answer.

I take her hand between both of mine. "Ally, I'm gay," I say regretfully. Not regret for being gay but regret for hurting her because I didn't know I was sooner. Guilt climbs my throat, choking me.

"I suspected," She says, and I just gawk at her. "Caleb, you have to admit our sex life has never been...passionate." I agree that it had always been more of an expectation, even the first time. Until Cole, I didn't realize sex had any value at all.

"Ally, I'm so sorry you found out that way," I say remorsefully. "Me too," She laughs. "But it's a good thing, Caleb." I look at her incredulously. "Caleb, you have been my best friend nearly all my life, and honestly I think that's all we ever were, just best friends playing marriage. Not that it hasn't been good. You're a great husband and father," I scoff, and she pats my knee.

"You have always put everyone before yourself all your life. This time, you took something for yourself. And I know you're drowning in guilt because you are not a selfish man, Caleb." I look at her, tears filling my eyes. Ally could always read me way better than I could read myself.

She wraps her arms around me in a hug. "It's time we got a divorce. The kids will be home tomorrow, and we can tell them." She sighs. "Caleb, you are a good man; even good men make mistakes. Falling in love wasn't a mistake, but the secrets were. You are still a good man; I want you to remember that. Let the guilt go, Caleb. You have found your happiness for once. Don't let it go not for me, not for the kids, and not for the church, do you understand?" She has tears shimmering in her eyes when she lets me go.

"I am staying at my sister's tonight and I'll be back tomorrow to talk with the kids with you," She says. As she grabs her overnight bag, which is fully packed, she walks over to me and cups my cheek in her warm palm. "I love you, Caleb, always have, always will." Then she leaves.

The next day, Ally and I walk into the living room hand in hand, each taking one of the armchairs that sit side by side with a small table between them. Joshua is lounging on the chaise, and Ashley is on the other side of the couch from him. "What's up, guys? We haven't gathered like this since the last time the principal called," Josh jokes.

I'm nervous, but Ally squeezes my hand in reassurance. Just before I am about to speak up, Ally says, "We are getting a divorce." Ashley and Josh's twin wide-eyed stares would be comical under different circumstances.

"I don't understand," Ashley says. "Well, a lot has gone on recently, and we have realized we aren't right for each other romantically anymore," I say. "What has gone on?" Josh questions, eyes narrowed. He was always way too observant, like Ally. "Well...I'm gay," I say, feeling my stomach drop out of my ass.

Ashley's lips form an O. "How did you figure that out?" Josh is now gazing at me suspiciously. "Well," I say, clutching my neck with my free hand. Josh jumps to his feet and glares at me. "You cheated on mom!" he screams. "Sit down, Josh," Ally chides him. He starts to step towards me, and Ally steps in front of me. "No one is innocent in this situation. SIT DOWN!" she barks at him.

Ally sits back down as Josh retreats. "What do you mean, mom?" Ashley squeaks, "What do you mean no one is innocent?" Ashley is near tears now. Ally sighs heavily. "About a year ago, I met a man at work. He and I started a secret relationship." She looks at me with sorrow-filled eyes. But I am not angry. How could I be? I did the same thing.

"What the fuck, mom!" Josh yells. "Language," Ally and I say at the same time. Josh laughs mockingly. "You two are a mess! You just told us you cheated on each other and are getting a fucking divorce, and you're worried about a few cuss words!" he is raking his finger through his hair up and pacing in front of the couch.

"Josh, we are sorry it came out this way, but not everything in life is black and white!" He laughs. "Nope, sometimes it's rainbow, right, dad?" He scoffs. "Josh! Your father did not choose to be gay!" Ally defends. "Oh, I know, neither did I," He says. The whole room goes deathly quiet, and Josh looks at us. "Oh, by the way, I'm gay. Guess I don't have to worry about you guys being mad at me for it now," He says sarcastically, sinking back onto the couch.

We all sit in an unsteady silence. Absorbing all the information that has been exchanged when Ally breaks the silence. "Yesterday, I went to the church to confess to your father about the affair and ask for a divorce. That's when I found out about his affair." Ally says matter of factly. "What are you saying, mom?" Ashley asks. "I'm in love with John and your father..." She trails off. I squeeze her hand as the tears roll down her cheeks.

"Do you guys remember Cole Abbot?" I ask. "He was a grade behind us in high school," Josh says. "Well....I...I'm in love with him," Ashley gasps, and Josh dramatically covers his eyes with his arm, falling onto the couch. "At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if I had a secret sibling! Wait, we aren't actually triplets or something, right?!" Ally, Josh, Ashley, and I all laugh. Ally throws a pillow at Josh's face.

We all sit in silence again. Then Ashley gets up, walks over to me, and wraps her slender arms around my neck in a hug. "I love you, dad. You and Mom deserve to be happy," I kiss her cheek. "Thank you, honey," I say, emotion creeping into my throat. Josh stands before me and his mother, his arms crossed over his chest. Then he throws his arms up and says, "Ok, fine, I love you guys too," and he hugs us both.

"What about the church, dad?" Josh asks seriously. I shrug. "I don't know. I guess we will find out on Sunday."