prayer for player

Chapter 20

I was at office therapist office my sister princess was with me as well my other sister as Cree
We was sitting in a chair she was writing notes and she had to sign papers that nothing was said could be said outside of these doors i mean nothing
My sister said she was one of the best doctors that was here in nyc so I said I give it a try
I don't know if I'll come here every week or months but I'll try it out and see if I'll like it
I wasn't only one in here like I said princess, Cree , my sister was here too Javon claims he was too busy to come
Idk how he doesn't work or nothing but rein been keeping him busy for a dude in a wheelchair she sure loving him up
He said he had enough doctors to worry about
So she said who wants to start
Portia said that they all here because we as a family was going through lot of things together some of us have coop up negative nasty feelings towards eachother
She said me to go first since I'm the root of the problem
I'm not the problem but whatever I told her my mama died so did I I told her I been having these dreams of her sitting at the table and drawing or should I say painting
My sister Portia said every time she use to paint it meant someone was in trouble or she was upset with them
My therapist said something sometimes when we go though dramatic events our emotions get tie up to our dreams sometimes we can get like nightmares if our emotions isn't express or release
Cree said he was here simply because he was mad that I killed his father
I said I did my time I know I was wrong and I didn't want him mad at me but at the time I was 16 and young I didn't know what to do
Portia said she was here because she doesn't like her son not except his step father he's been in his life since day one
Then Cree was like he felt like everyone was keeping secrets from him he didn't know that I was his brother and uncle at the same time or that Charles was his father only knew because ladies from church told him

Portia was crying because her son didn't understand she was rape that she didn't want to get an abortion... that her mother was involved blaming her being a hoe

Then suddenly princess cherry said her piece I don't know if that what broke me or them or for them to see me crying like I'm grown man crying I'm old but darn
Meee
She said Charles is her father he beat Portia mother on Saturdays and beat her mother to the point she was on drugs they both was on drugs she went days without eating and helping raise her brothers and sisters.... She pray every day and night for her mother to get off the drugs because she wanted a normal childhood but that wasn't the case one night Charles came in the house and some guy wanted sex Charles friend raped her in front of her mother he threw some money on her mother and said you done owe me money
She never felt so unloved her whole life then she had friends one night that same guy came back to house try to rape her again her brother try to beat him up but dad beat him up bad so bad in the hallway the next door neighbor had to call the police secretly without him seeing her she just peeking out the door all her life she never felt unloved by her parents she hated the holidays and she didn't even talk in school everybody had stuff or good functioning parents she was lost .. she said this my brother Jeremiah was only thing keeping me going and alive he was only boy bringing her food and stuff and he only one to beat up her father.. her other sisters could go to there father house but not her and her older brother he was quiet after that beating then one night her dad brought this young girl (Simone) to the crib she was supposed to dance she wanted to be a stripper at the club but things got out of hand .. she never saw a man beat a woman until that day so she call Jeremiah
She didn't know at the time Jeremiah was her boyfriend... so between her (Simone ) and Jeremiah there Jeremiah wa beating up Charles Charles told me to get the gun I was shock I knew if I didn't listen I would get it myself seems like everyday we was fighting to survive I was done I threw the gun on the floor Charles picks it up shoots Jeremiah in the arm Jeremiah lost all balance fell to the floor where dad was he start choking him Jeremiah on the floor Simone picks up the gun and kills Charles he pops up gasping for air then Jeremiah pulls the gun out of her hands she was in tears he went to jail for it because Simone was pregnant with his child at the time
The therapist looked at Cree now Cree understands
Portia now understands too and so you knew the whole time Portia said we were blaming Jeremiah because he didn't tell us what happened that night
Princess said well he was beat up bad and he was shot in the arms I only stood away because I was a witness I had to be on probation anything's said from me could be use against me I was in jail too I just got out few months before him because I refuse to press charges on anyone in the room or snitch and I gave the gun
His brother got up and hugged him I'm so sorry man

After the therapy session she pulled me to the aside she said Jeremiah the reason why your having those dreams over and over again is because your mother is trying to get you to tell the truth she wanted you to tell the truth what happened that night because she felt like you took the blame for everything that you didn't do you trying to be the hero for so long that you didn't see the pain others were putting on you.. if you want i would like to work on you couple of more sessions if that good with you
I told her i would think about it and let her know then I said goodbye and thanked her. Deep down i knew she was right . I was glad for letting the truth out.. the weight was off of my shoulders finally I can breathe and hopefully sleep again..
But he definitely understood why he was in trouble with his mothers in his dream