Introduced myself to mother again today.
I've always wanted to have a regular childhood. But my mom doesn't want it. She says that I'm a waste of money and that I shouldn't be here. Mother said I'm the reason why dad left. I always fear to tell her about myself, scared of the consequences ahead of me.
I try my best to be perfect for her, but she never accepts me for who I am. My ex broke up with me because of her, I had no choice but to shrug it off.
I can't show my weakness in front of her.
"Why are you such a disappointment?" Mother yells, throwing a glass coffee cup at me. The glass breaking and piercing into my skin. "This is all your fault! Why can you be a good son for once?"
"I'm sorry! I–"
Her expression hardens even more, "Don't talk back to me, you little shit! From now on, no going out! I can't risk wasting more money on you!"
I just sit there, on the floor. My skin is burning from the glass and my eyes are getting blurry. I try to hold in my tears, but Mother will beat me up more. "Fine, I'll be going now." I sigh as I stand up weakly and limp to my room.
My room is the only safe place in my house. I lock myself up there for days on end. Of course I go out for hygiene, but most of the time it's just me and the four corners of my occupied space.
I slip on a new pair of pajamas and I head to my desk, opening the cabinet and grabbing a few bandages. "Fuck, these are bad..." I mutter as I cover up the marks. "I should call the hospital."
But then I remember, no money wasting. She needs it. She needs it to gamble.
A sigh leaves my lips as I set the materials down. I run a hand through my hair as I open my computer, clicking to Sunghoon's contact.
Sunghoon
sunoo?
sunoo
this isnt funny
is it your mom again?
i swear i'll fucking call the cops
He's always so worried about me. What did I do to deserve him? As I read the messages, a smile starts to form. I quickly type out a response, assuring him that I'm alright.
Sunoo
im fine trust me
just a few injuries and glass
Sunghoon
GLASS?
sunoo are you insane?
you can get an infection
Sunoo
im fine
not worth wasting money on
Sunghoon
im calling the doctor
I'm glad I found someone like him. He's always so caring.
As I close my laptop, I turn to the wall. Maybe he's right. Maybe I will get an infection, but this isn't the first time this has happened. All of this just makes me confused.
The bed creaks as I sit on it, my weigh pressing down on it. I close my eyes and try to sleep while ignoring the pain. The faint sounds of the tv can be heard outside my door.
I wish I can live normally.
—
My scars have healed, but I feel weaker each day. Sunghoon called the doctor as promised and they helped me remove the glass. Mother did not approve.
Time went by and mother started forgetting who I was again. I felt pain and relief from this because she wouldn't abuse me anymore if she didn't know who I am. This happened regularly and each time it did not go well.
I quietly walk out of my room, trying not to disturb her and quickly walk into the kitchen. Mother looks up at me and she suddenly becomes confused. "Who are you?"
Usually after I say, "your son" she starts to get mad at me. So I decided to lie this time. This one time.
"I'm just a hallucination."
She stares at me blankly then turns away, not caring about my presence. This is the first time she ignored me after a response. I felt relief throughout my body.
I grabbed my snacks and headed back to my room, immediately opening my computer to text Sunghoon. He helped me throughout my high school years and I couldn't ask for more.
Sunoo
thank you for everything
(NOT PROOFREAD)
hello
school started so expect less updated from me
makes no sense sry
