The Happy Lights in your Window

Chapter 3

Weeks have gone by and Kas is captivated by the weird complex life of Zander Bernard. He keeps recalling the scene from the dark rainy night and wonders how Zander lives his life. It's almost noon and Kas is strolling near the local football ground, just hanging around after school hoping to catch the "" three little pigs" at play. He suddenly feels a hard shove on his back. He loses his balance and falls flat on his face into the dry ground. He doesn't even need to get up to see who hit him. Zander still hits Kas at every chance he gets. He gets up gingerly, wiping off the dust to see Zander with his lover boy Kevin and Jackson standing tall over him.

"You again! You always seem to be around everywhere these days. Pesky little fly which won't go away "jeers Zander. Kas replies mindlessly without thinking "Yeah, flies always buzz around crap". He bites his lip the moment the words have left his mouth. Zander stares at him disbelievingly. Both Kevin and Jackson laugh spontaneously then abruptly stop noting Zander's stunned expression. "Did you just call me crap, you little shit"? asks Zander furiously. 

Before Kas knows it, he is flat on the ground again with Zander kicking him hard on his stomach. Zander lands another hard kick near his face. Kas quickly curls into a fetal position protecting his face. Zander angrily kicks him again a couple of times. He crouches next to Kas and says in a low threatening voice "Did you forget about your mommy maid who works for us"? Hardworking little lady, isn't she? It would be a pity to fire her "!

Kas numbly listens to Zander's nasty words. He sits up and looks up at Zander. There is blood intermingling with sand in his mouth. But it doesn't taste as bad as the words he says next "Am really sorry Zander. I don't know what came over me. I shouldn't have said that ". Zander looks at him thoughtfully. "Run five laps around the ground singing "I am a dirty little fly ". He smirks at both his friends who agree very promptly and loudly. Kas stands up slowly, his body hurting with Zander's beating.

He takes off slowly, limping, muttering under his breath "I am a dirty little fly ". "Can't hear you "singsongs Zander. "Louder! ". Kas says out loudly, "I am a dirty little fly". Kevin and Jackson give out a loud showy laugh. "That aint no singing brat ". Zander sneers. "Should I order your mom here to sing? And who said you could walk. Run, freak, run ". Kas ignores the pain of his scraped knees and starts running slowly. The bitterness at the unfairness of it all burns in him as he jogs slowly around field singing. The trio sits on a nearby concrete seater and watch, laughing and making jokes. He keeps trudging and singing, his mind and body both numb.

After another long painful round, he quietly sneaks a peak at the guys. The trio has left, probably bored with watching him run. He collapses wearily to the floor, looking up at the clear blue sky, panting hard. He feels as if his lungs are going to burst with the exertion. His lips are trembling uncontrollably and his eyes are full of bitter unshed tears. He furiously blinks them away. Kas has never allowed himself to cry as long as he can remember. It's a dam that must never be breached. A dam holding back all the anger, frustration and misery of a hard life. Tears is a treat he never indulges in.

He gets up wearily and starts trudging his way out of the ground. He sees the three outside the ground near Zander's car. Zander hoots loudly when he passes them. "There's a dirty little fly", sings Zander. Kas keeps his face blank and moves away quickly. That night, as Kas lies in bed, he wonders what Zander's life is going to be like. Even to his young mind, it's quite obvious that Zander obviously is gay and very much in love with Kevin. He casually wonders about the chaos when Zander's parents find out. He wouldn't actually mind being a dirty little fly on their wall when that happens. He is oddly filled with excitement. Can hate excite you he wonders. ?? He wonders if he should write a novel about it.

He sits up abruptly. ...excitedly. Oh yeah! he could write a book inspired on Zander's life. He feels the adrenalin rushing through his body. It could be a best seller! He decides to seriously observe and make notes on Zander. He starts pondering over the title of his first novel. He rummages through his stuff and finds an old unused small notebook. He neatly writes on the first page in capital letters "ZAZA'S SECRET". Its sounds like a great bestseller title!! He feels euphoric. It would be poetic justice, wouldn't it, he thinks. That his biggest nemesis has given him a meaning in life. An aim that would help him get away from all the misery and make some money in the bargain. The next day, armed with his notebook, he steps out in the bright day, feeling rejuvenated with his new purpose in life.

Three sets of random punching, six sessions of abuses and four weeks later, Kas's book has plenty of notes, all carefully made observations. Two observations stand out repeatedly.

1. Zander's love seems quite one-sided. Kevin looks reluctant and uncomfortable most

of the time, using the excuse of the fear of being caught repeatedly.

2. Jackson. Zander's close buddy. The third of their trio. The odd piece of the puzzle.

Jackson, is also an extremely fascinating character, Kas realizes.

 First, it seems to Kas as though Jackson is blissfully ignorant of the undercurrents between the other two.  Then, through his constant watching of Jackson, he realizes that Jackson calmly watches the sneaky caresses and vibes that Zander gives Kevin and casually looks busy, pretending to be completely unaware. Kas's young mind comes to the conclusion that Jackson must be embarrassed and pretending not to know being the best way out in this situation.