Remember My Dreams

12. Waiting for the right memories

POV Elise

The days, weeks, even a whole month had passed since I was admitted to the hospital. Every day felt like the last, with only a few small differences to tell them apart. My memory remained a mystery, a tangled maze with no exit. Dr. Müller, Sophie, however, stayed tirelessly by my side, her care and dedication unmatched. Every time I panicked, she was there to calm me down. Her presence gave me a sense of safety that I found nowhere else. Other doctors couldn't give me the same confidence she did. Sophie was my rock.
Bas visited daily, and although it was hard to believe I actually had a friend, I felt a growing joy every time he appeared at my door. His cheerful presence and endless patience were a bright spot in my days. He told me stories about our adventures together, none of which I could remember. One of the most bizarre revelations was that we had opened for Tokio Hotel, something I initially thought was a joke. I had laughed and assured him I couldn't carry a tune, but he showed me photos of myself on stage and even played a few songs from our CD. It was hard to believe I had done all that. It felt like I was looking at someone else's life.
The topic of Tokio Hotel was otherwise avoided. The thoughts of Bill and Tom, whom I barely knew, constantly haunted my mind. Bas told me he wasn't allowed to say anything about them, and Sophie repeatedly assured me that talking about the band or seeing its members would only confuse me more. But deep down, I thought differently. Maybe, I reasoned, it would actually help me regain my memory if I saw them or talked about them. That thought sometimes kept me awake at night as I lay in my hospital bed, staring at the ceiling.
Today was my last day in the hospital. Tomorrow, I would finally be allowed to go home—or what I believed was home. My brain had created fictional memories, making me think I lived with my mother, but reality was different. I had no mother anymore; I lived alone in an apartment. Sophie had gently explained to me that my mother had passed away some time ago and that I lived independently. It was a harsh reality to accept, but I couldn't wait to see my own place and reclaim a piece of my life.

Like every morning, I decided to take a walk around the hospital. The fresh air did me good, and I was so glad to get away from that oppressive room for a while. The fresh air filled my lungs, and the gentle rays of the sun warmed my skin. The sound of birds singing and the rustling of leaves calmed my thoughts.
Along the paths were benches, strategically placed to offer patients and visitors a moment of rest. As every morning, I found my usual spot and sat down. The bench had a view of a colorful flowerbed, a small patch of nature amidst all the medical chaos. I enjoyed the vibrant colors and the subtle buzzing of bees going about their work.
Next to me sat a young man with a cap and sunglasses. His posture was withdrawn as if he were lost in thought. Under his cap, I noticed hair that looked like it belonged to a wig, but that wasn't uncommon here. During my morning walks, I had met a few cancer patients, many of whom wore wigs to cover the baldness from their treatments.
I took a deep breath before greeting him. "Good morning."
He was clearly deep in thought, as he started when he looked up. His eyes, hidden behind the dark lenses, focused on me. "Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you," I quickly said, almost apologetically.
"No problem," he replied in a hoarse voice, still gazing at me. He continued to look at me, but said nothing more.
"Nice day, isn't it," I said, my voice suddenly sounding banal and superficial in my own ears. What a cliché line! Couldn't I think of something better to say? But to my surprise, I saw the corners of his mouth curl into a smile. It was a small gesture, but it gave me a glimpse of something kind behind his quiet façade.
It seemed as though he wanted to say something, but instead, he stood up abruptly. He gave me a brief nod and left hastily, his steps quick and purposeful. I followed him with my eyes, wondering what had just happened, why he had suddenly left so quickly.
Still lost in thought about the encounter, I suddenly felt a presence beside me. I looked up and saw Sophie, who had seated herself next to me on the bench. Her expression was, as always, friendly and reassuring.
"Good morning, Elise," she said with a gentle smile. "How are you?"
"I'm okay," I replied, my gaze still on the man who was now disappearing into the distance. "I just wonder who he was."
Sophie followed my gaze and smiled softly. "Sometimes you meet people at the most unexpected moments," she said. "Maybe you'll see him again. But for now, how do you feel about tomorrow? It's a big day."
I took a deep breath. "I'm nervous but also excited. It feels like I'm finally taking a step forward, even though I'm not sure where that step will lead me."
Sophie nodded understandingly. "That's normal. Know that you're not alone, Elise. Bas, I, and everyone here at the hospital are here to support you."
I smiled at her. "Thank you, Sophie. That means a lot to me."
I noticed Sophie hesitating, as if she wanted to say something but wasn't quite ready. Her expression was serious and concerned. "Do you have something to say?" I asked her, looking at her intently.
She looked at me and slowly nodded. With a sigh, she took my hand. "Elise, will you please promise me that you'll stay away from Bill of Tokio Hotel?" Her words took me by surprise, and I frowned. "But why?" I asked her, my voice tinged with surprise.
Sophie swallowed and briefly avoided my gaze. Then she looked at me resolutely. "Bill Kaulitz has a bad influence on you," she finally declared.