Remember My Dreams

15. Home

We were sitting in the car, on our way to what was supposed to be my home. Bas was focused on driving, while I stared out the window, lost in my own thoughts. The events of the past few days haunted me. I had just been told that my memory might never fully return and that the people I thought I could trust had betrayed me. Sophie had told me about Bill and Bas, about how they had deceived and used me. It was almost too much to take in.
The car drove smoothly along the road, and outside I watched the world flash by. I tried to remember if I had taken this route before, if these streets and buildings looked familiar, but everything remained blurry. My thoughts kept returning to yesterday's revelation, to David's letters, where he expressed his love and concern for me. A man, so much older than me, whom I couldn't even remember, but who apparently meant so much to me.
After about ten minutes, Bas broke the silence. "Elise, I really feel like you're being distant. Last night too, when I came to visit you. Just tell me what's wrong."
I turned my head and looked straight at Bas. His eyes searched mine, but he quickly had to focus on the road again. "I know what happened to me, Bas," I said, my voice trembling with anger and frustration. "And where were you when everything went wrong?"
Bas visibly flinched. "What? Really? Do you remember everything?" he asked, a mix of shock and hope in his voice.
"You know damn well he pumped me full of drugs. And where were you?" I shouted angrily, as the emotions overwhelmed me.
Bas slowed down the car and seemed visibly shaken. "Oh Elise," he said almost pleadingly. "You can't imagine how much I regret that night, I had..." He stopped speaking when I raised my hand, a clear sign that I didn't want him to continue.

"We're here," he whispered after fifteen minutes of uncomfortable silence, as he brought the car to a stop.
I got out of the car, feeling a slight hesitation as I walked towards the trunk to grab my bag, but Bas beat me to it. Together, we walked towards a building I had never seen before, but apparently, this was the place where I lived. Bas turned the key in the door, and I felt a nervous tension building up. What would I find inside?
We stepped inside and were immediately greeted by a cozy and pleasant atmosphere. The interior was beautifully and neatly decorated, with warm colors and soft furnishings. There was a hint of lavender in the air, which gave me a sense of calm. My heart leaped with happiness; despite everything, I was fortunate to have a place like this.
"Elise, I never meant to leave you alone that night," Bas began again, while I was still overwhelmed by my surroundings.
I sighed deeply and looked at him. Although I knew I needed to sever ties with him, it didn't feel right to be so harsh. "Bas, it's okay. It all happened, and there's nothing we can do to change it."
He seemed relieved by my words, but I knew this conversation was far from over. "If you don't mind, I'd rather be alone now," I said, giving him a brief nod.
Bas hesitated for a moment, but then nodded understandingly. "Of course, Elise. I understand. If you need anything, just call me, okay?"
I gave him a weak smile. "Thank you, Bas."

He turned and walked out the door, leaving me alone in my new, yet unfamiliar, home. The silence was heavy, but at the same time, it felt like an opportunity for a fresh start. I set my bag down and sank onto the couch, my thoughts still in chaos. This was the beginning of a long road to recovery, but I knew I could handle it. I looked around, taking in my surroundings. The furniture was stylish and carefully placed, the walls adorned with paintings and photos. But none of it felt like it belonged to me. It was as if I was in a stranger's house, a stranger who just happened to share my name.
My gaze lingered on a painting on the wall. It was an abstract piece, with bright colors and bold brushstrokes. I wondered if I had ever bought this myself. Was this a part of my taste, my personality, that I no longer recognized? I stared at the shapes and colors, hoping for a spark of recognition, but my thoughts remained a blank canvas.
My thoughts were abruptly interrupted by the sound of the doorbell. I stood up, my heartbeat quickening at the unexpected interruption. Who could it be? Bas had just left, and I wasn't expecting anyone. With slight hesitation, I walked to the door and opened it. My breath caught when I saw who was standing in front of me.

Bill Kaulitz, his hair hidden under a cap, looked at me with a mix of hope and desperation in his eyes. He was the one Sophie had warned me to avoid, the one responsible for so much of my pain and confusion.
"Elise," he began, his voice soft but urgent. "Please, let me talk to you for a moment."
My first instinct was to slam the door shut, to shut him out like I wanted to do with the memories of him. But he had already wedged his foot in the door, making it impossible for me to simply send him away.
"Okay," I finally said, my voice shaky but determined. "You can tell your story, but if I ask you to leave afterward, I want you to leave for good."
Bill nodded gratefully and cautiously stepped inside. I took a step back and closed the door behind him. We stood facing each other for a moment, the tension in my stomach intensifying as I looked into his eyes, before leading him into the living room.