This is Me.

•15•

Oriana

I rolled around in my bed, my blankets and bedsheets warm and moist. My clothes stuck to my body in a very uncomfortable way. The lights were turned off and the air smelled faintly of vanilla and alcohol.

I attempted sitting up, a wave of pain smashed into me, pushing me back down to the bed, causing even more pain. even the darkness was too bright for me right now.

I closed my eyes, mentally preparing myself to open them again as i tried sitting up again, slower this time. i propped myself up on one elbow as i used my knees to push myself further up the bed.

My head lolled to the side as i lay against my cold headboard, closing my eyes again as i took in deep breaths. taking my index finger to my temple, i gently rubbed as my eyes gradually adjusted to the dark.

Yes, you heard me, the dark.

I slithered out of the bubu i had somehow managed to put on, feeling suffocated as i slunk down to the floor in nothing but my black panties. the floor felt cold to the touch as i leaned my body into it, my head and heart throbbing in a demonic harmony.

I reached up, feeling my way along the bedside table, praying and hoping i'd find a stray paracetamol tablet.

I'm going to die on this floor.

I found a pill, i didn't know what it was but i hoped it was what i thought it was. Iswallowed it, using my saliva to push it and the bitter after taste into my throat.

I gagged, flinching as the fermented tablet slid down my throat, leaving a bitter residue in its path.

Thank god, it was paracetamol.

My sweat made sloshy sounds as i rearranged myself, spreading myself into a star shape as the pain killer did it's work.

I reached up to my bed, looking for my phone. i grabbed it and turned it on

02:25

The white light from the phone screen slapped my brain, causing me to toss the phone to a corner.

Too soon for that i6 guess.

Soon, the pain went down and i was able to stand up–

I tripped, scraping my right temple against my bedside drawer. red hot pain seared through my vision as i staggered to the bathroom.

Fuck.

I took in my disheveled appearance in the mirror, blood ran down the left side of my  face in a small trickle, my cheeks were red, puffy and swollen. my goddess braids were tangled and loose, no longer shiny and bouncy.

Even my poor boobs looked tired.

I brought out methylated spirit and some cotton wool. i haphazardly poured spirit on the wool and hastily pressed it to my temple.

“Shit,” I cussed out, the sting hurting like a bitch as i dragged the wool across the small gash. I wiped it clean then ran hot water in the tub.

I took of my panties, letting them fall to my ankles as i headed back into the room, feeling around in the darkness for my phone. I put on some RnB, not in the mood for anything louder than sza and tems.

I packed my hair into a bonnet as i poured a bunch of my essential oils and body washes into the scalding hot water. i hastily got in and lay there, welcoming the mild burn of the water.

Suddenly, lost in sza's music, i wondered what it'd be like if i just went under.

Would my mom care? Or would Solana just replace me?

I let out a loud hiss at that, the stupid bitch that came into my life and suddenly became the family favourite...well fuck her.

Would khalil care? would he even notice?

My vision got blurry and i could feel my lungs constricting. i watched the bubbles float up from my nostrils to the surface of the water, the light from the tube on the ceiling distorted by the rose colored water.

I came up, coughing violently and i sloshed around in the now lukewarm water, water which flew everywhere as i violently wiped my eyes and took in huge gulps of air.

I hurriedly got out of the tub, the lukewarm water suddenly feeling icy as fuck on my brown skin. i put on my robe and collapsed into bed, connecting to the mifi and logging onto my ig.

Videos of me and khalil dancing at the party well all over the place, on everybody's stories, talking about how i “was lit” tonight and suddenly I felt ten times better.

Fuck my mom and fuck solana fr.

I went to my girls' group chat and quickly chose cute pictures from tonight, i turned over on the bed, editing the pictures as Odeal wafted from my phone into the air.

I posted them, relishing and savouring the fact that after less than 10 minutes, I already had 500+ likes. i smiled to myself.

I stood up, slipping my feet into my hello kitty slippers as i opened the blinds, alcohol and vanilla is somewhat aesthetic– but not for me.

I left the room, closing the door quietly behind me as i tiptoed throught the dimly lit corridor and made my way to the staircase. i round a corner about to enter the kitchen when i caught sight of my mother.

My breath caught in my throat as i threw myself into the kitchen, praying and hoping she didn't see me.

“Bami, i'm tired.”

I froze, my mum was talking to my dad. shit.

“It's like she's acting out and I don't even know why, like today she came home around midnight and I tried talking to her and she just walked away from me.

“God knows I've had it up to here with that girl, i don't even know what to do. I mean, I know she's older than sola, but it wouldn't hurt for her to act more like her.”

Hot tears clouded my vision as i clenched my fists.

“See how her younger cousin is behaving so responsible and respectful and your daughter is behaving like a street girl. you'd think she was the one that lost a mothe–”

I had heard enough, I sprinted out of the kitchen and up the stairs, the rugs doing a great job of muffling my hurried steps. i ran to my room and gently closed the door, letting out the ugliest sob known to man kind.

My stupid phone pinged as it charged, the sequins on the case illuminated by the dim moonlight sneaking into the room.

I turned it over, seeing men all over nigeria commenting on my post.

I smiled to myself, wiping away my tears as i fell down the rabbit hole of ig, spending the next few hours savouring the comments from my posts.