Yula's Prequel

4. Yula's Fears

Yula Maria's

I didn't want to get out of my room. By now, I am sure that Dydy already knows what happened. Hindi pwedeng hindi. Umuwi ba naman ako ng puro benda sa binti at sa braso. Umuwi ba naman akong umiiyak habang gusto ko nang ipasok ang kalahati ng katawan ko kay Mymy. Ayoko ng ganito. Ayokong maging mahina sa lahat.

"Huy..." Naramdaman kong may tumutusok sa binti ko. Nakatalukbong kasi ako habang umiiyak pa rin. "Huy, Yula. Si Yoodie ito. Usap tayo, dali. H'wag ka na umiyak." Tinanggal ko ang kumot at saka humarap kay Yoodie. "Hala, namumugto na ang mga mata mo. H'wag ka na umiyak. Masakit ba ang mga gasgas mo?" I shook my head.

"Does Dydy know?" I asked her. Napalabi si Yoodie.

"Kararating niya lang at sinabi na ni Mymy na kailangan nilang mag – usap." Sinabayan ni Yoodie ng sign language ang pagsasalita niya para mas malinaw kong maintindihan ang mga bagay – bagay. Lalo akong nalungkot at nag-alala. It could only mean one thing. Hindi na talaga ako makakabalik sa school.

I was thinking about not coming back after what happened but now that the possibility of not being able to come back is getting real, na-realize kong hindi pala ako dapat sumuko basta but here I am in this mess. Wala na. I cried harder.

"Huy, Yula... H'wag kang umiyak baka atakihin ka ng asthma. Ano ba iyan. Bakit ba kasi tumakbo ka palabas ng building ninyo? Anong nangyari? Come on, tell me. Mymy said she feels like you're not telling her something. Tell me. Tell me so you'd feel better." I bit my lower lip and faced Yoodie.

"They laughed at me because I couldn't talk. The teacher made me feel so embarrassed because of my condition. Dydy was right, I can't do this. All I want is to be normal for once!" Humikbi ako. Si Yoodie at agad namang sumampa sa kama ko para tabihan na ako.

"Ano bang sinasabi mong you want to be normal? You are normal!"

"I am not! I'm mute and I could only hear because of this damn microchip in my ear. Pero kapag wala ito. Wala rin. Bakit ba kasi nangangarap ako? Imposible naman ang lahat ng ito!"

"Huy, hindi. Ano ka ba?" Inakbayan ako ni Yoodie. "You know, you might be the youngest in this family, but you taught me a lot of things and one of those is to always see the positive side of things. I know that things are sometimes hard, Yula, but this is not you. You always fight and when you get hurt, you stand up and you fight harder! So, stop crying and face Dydy and tell him that yes, you got hurt but you are willing to fight this. Saka papayag ka pa na pinagtatawanan ka ng mga iyon? Iyon teacher? Teacher siya, dapat hindi siya ganoon sa'yo. Wala siyang compassion! Dapat inalam niya muna ang sitwasyon mo! Also iyong mga tumawa sa'yo, ituro mo sa akin, sasampalin ko isa – isa."

"Sasakit ang kamay mo. Marami sila."

"Okay lang. Basta titigil na sila sa kakatawa sa'yo. Yula, you are one of a kind. Don't ever doubt yourself, alright?" Ngumiti si Yoodie sa akin, ako naman ay yumakap sa kanya at sa huling pagkakataon ay hinayaan kong tumulo ang mga luha ko. Yoodie is right, hindi ako basta susuko. Ako pa ba?

xxxx

IT was after dinner when Dydy called me to talk. Nasa living room sila ni Mymy. Magkatabi silang dalawa. Sa coffee table ay may dalawang coffee cups. Mukhang nag – uusap na silang dalawa bago pa man ako dumating. I sat on the couch adjacent to them. Kabang – kaba ako kasi baka sabihin ni Dydy na h'wag na akong bumalik sa school. Kinakabahan rin ako kasi baka bigla na lang akong umiyak at kapag niyakap ako ni Dydy, hindi ako titigil nang kakaiyak kasi masakit pa rin naman hanggang ngayon, but I'll live.

"Do you want to tell me what happened?" Dydy asked while moving his fingers so I could understand clearer. I told him that I was running away from the building.

"Why were you running, Yula?"

I bit my lower lip. Lumipat si Mymy sa tabi ko upang hawakan ang kamay ko.

"Anak, you know you could tell us anything, right?" I nodded. So, I looked at Dydy and with all the confidence I had, I told him everything.

"They were making fun of you. Why didn't you tell us earlier?" Napabilis ang galaw ng mga daliri at kamay ni Dydy. Si Mymy naman ay humigpit ang hawak sa akin.

"Cause it's okay. I will be okay."

"Someone almost hit you with their car! How could you be, okay?" Napasigaw si Dydy. Napatayo pa nga siya.

"Dy!" Nakita ko na lang si Kuya Yohan sa likod ni Dydy. Kasunod niya si Ate Yoonie na mukhang galing pa sa ospital. "Dy, please don't yell at her." Pagpapatuloy ni Kuya Yohan.

"I'm sorry." Napailing si Dydy at saka tumingin sa akin. "Anak, I'm sorry. But it's not okay if they are making fun of you. I will talk to the dean and will make sure that the teacher who did that to you will be sanctioned."

"NO! PLEASE NO!"

"A teacher made fun of you. It almost cost you your life, baby." Dydy insisted.

"NO! Dydy, let me do this without you interfering. I can do this!"

"But!"

"Yael..." Mymy spoke softly behind me. "Let her. Magtiwala tayo sa kanya. Yula is almost nineteen, let her decide on her own."

Dydy just looked at Mymy and then he walked out. Naiwanan kaming tatlo nila Kuya Yohan at Ate Yoonie. Ate Yoonie sat beside me, and she fixed the hair on the side of my head. She was looking at me with such worry in her face.

"I came as soon as I can. How are you? What happened to your bruises? Did they give you MRI or CTSCAN?"

"I'm fine. Don't worry. Kuya, please talk to Dydy. Please tell him not to go the dean."

"Don't worry, baby. Mymy will do that. Are you sure you're gonna be, okay?" I nodded at him.

"I was just scared but I cried already. I'm okay. I will go to school again tomorrow. Okay lang talaga ako."

"You made us all worry, Kiddo." Sabi ni Kuya Yohan sa akin. "We love you, okay? No matter what you want to do with your life, we will be here for you."

Coming from our eldest, it meant a lot to me. Humilig ako kay Ate Yoonie at saka ngumiti sa kanilang dalawa. Ito lang ay sapat na para hindi ako sumuko.

Bukas, haharapin kong muli ang isa na namang laban para sa gusto kong buhay. It will take a long time before they all get used to me, but at least now that I am here, it's a step closer to my dreams and I won't waste this chance.

I am strong and I will fight for what I want.