I opened my eyes to end another deep slumber that lasted more than twenty-four hours.
During the last couple of months, I have been sleeping more than living, really. I just want to get as far away from reality as I could.
I always get so disappointed that I wake up for another day.
My life became more worthless than before, and unfortunately enough, it keeps getting more and more unbearable.
I lost my job, all of my fake friends, my boyfriend, and my will to live, all in one day.
People would say that I should move on. That it was all three months ago.
But I couldn't.
I just want time to stop, I want it to stop until I pick myself back, but it feels like I am beyond a point of no return.
I tried to get up from the bed slowly because I didn't want to hurt myself since the bed was filled with a lot of my stuff that I didn't know where else to put.
I used to be a neat freak, but now, well, I am just thriving.
My legs would normally land on my rug right under my bed when I woke up, but now it landed on my dog's poop, which...seems to be dead.
I couldn't tell that my dog was dead because the smell wasn't as bad as other days.
Some days, I would just pee myself. I just don't want to get out of bed under any condition, even if I am holding my bladder for dear life.
I should clean the rug, and I should clean my legs.
I should do so many things, but I will just delay them for now.
One of the many things I should do is to get rid of the dead dog laying on my couch, accoumpinied by some of my old albums, crumbs of food, and insects feeding on the very same crumbs of food.
I scratch my hair angrily.
Should I really clean today? maybe I will do that tomorrow.
I looked at a nearby mirror, I had weird patches all over my skin. My hair had fungus between it.
I can't remember when was the last time I showered.
This made me feel...
I shed a tear, not one but many.
I didn't like myself, I didn't like the person I was looking at.
I was immeresed in my feelings before I felt something stinging my leg.
It was a mouse!
It bit my leg and just ran away to find a shelter.
It hurts.
But I didn't move.
I had more important things to do, like feeding myself.
I went to the kitchen to find something to eat, I opened the old fridge and raelised that it wasn't even working, so all the food inside must have gone bad a long time ago.
But, I was hungry.
I grabbed an old sandwitch that was wrapped in foil. Maybe it's not that bad.
I unwrapped it and just began eating. Before noticing how my teeth hurt badly, I was bleeding from my gums, but I just kept eating.
Because I was hungry.
I looked over to the wall where I had a picture of me and my boyfriend, I still have it up because I miss him.
I wonder if he misses me, too.
I doubt that, and if he sees me like this, he will probably throw up before disappearing again.
I will fix all my problems, I promised myself that I must fix things.
I took the sandwitch with me to bed and imagined sceniros of my favourite day.
It was prom, I remember I had a very beautiful dress on, I had my life together, people loved me, I was respected.
I just kept repeating that day again and again, as it brought me comfort, It's better than living in reality.
I took another bite and just dozed off into dreamland.
I hope it will be the last time I have to come back to reality.
But I know that I will have to wake up tomorrow.
And the day after.
.....
It was very disturbing to write
