After The Storm

03: The Climax

LUNA

2023

It was 2023 when my life changed over time. A lot of things happened over the past years. But one thing that still lives inside me... is the death of my grandmother. That until now, it still haunts me. I feel like she always visits me in my dreams.

I wasn't scared of her visiting me in my dream. I was scared knowing when she left, I still remember when she's been cruel to some of our helpers, and also to me. But her being 'cruel' or 'strict' was not just to punish me whenever I did wrong, she just did that for me to learn a lesson. I was still young still learning and growing. And I know my grandma just wants the best for me.

So even if we don't have many memories, I also have regrets about her when she left. I regret the time when I didn't do anything to owe her for all the things she did for me. I regret the time when I was immature, that I could not control my thoughts and behavior again that I suddenly talked to him coldly and disrespectfully.

But honestly, I realized that it was never my intention to speak like that to her. She's old yet she still loves me hindi dahil apo niya ako pero dahil mahal niya ako kasi ako to, anak ng anak niya na para niya na rin akong tinuring na totoong anak.

Oh, I miss the things she did. Including the time whenever I was sick, she always made sure to prepare and cook me food, she's taken care of me so well. And I couldn't feel but thank her for all the things she did. I am forever grateful to her.

I wasn't expecting that throughout my journey, I have met someone. He was the first relationship I ever had because at first, I was not used to entering into a relationship when I was still not ready for it. Or if I had entered earlier, what would have happened? Will I carry it along the way? Maybe yes, maybe no.

The reason why things aren't easy with me when thinking about entering into a relationship is that... I was scared. I was scared that I might not carry it well. That I can't handle this thing because of the things that are still loading on me.

Also, another reason was that I do not know how to love someone if, in our home, no one teaches me how to. I know I'm capable of loving someone but I just don't know how and what supposed I'll do. So I was scared that if I met someone, I might just hurt him even more because of my past experiences.

But everything turns out so good. When I tried to enter a relationship, that's where I met him. We were both different people but as soon as I know him a lot, things changed differently.

Day by day, my feelings grew over time. We met online, on one of the dating sites. We were supposed to be just friends but as time passed by, it grew so much that we didn't end up being together.