░My Journal░

"dear diary"

(Possible?) Tags ; Venting, Mentioning Cheating, Mentions Sending Explicit Pictures, Mentions Nudes, Cursing, Mentions Kinks

"Dear Diary,"

There's this guy.. I met him 4-ish months ago, near the beginning of June I think, I don't remember. My sense of time really had gone... He was oh so sweet, he offered me to sit with him and to play games, oh yeah, did I mention we met online.. that makes this story oh so much better... (not).

Let's call him.. uhh, Jack that's a good substitute name! He was always so sweet in the beginning, until three days after meeting, but before then he let me vent, I let him vent, he made me feel so.. safe something I hadn't felt in so long. Maybe that's why I was so naive and gullible. He asked for nudes. We'd been flirting slightly since the first day, I was comfortable with it enough because he mentioned he was greyromantic.. diary, don't mention how I probably misspelled that.. anyways, he said it meant he rarely felt romantic attraction. I guess that was a lie.... I was scared but I eventually agreed.. It was embarrassing and I found the pictures unpleasant to look at, why did anybody find this pleasing to look at or send... As time went on we flirted and acted cuddly and lovey, I believed him when he said he loved me. I used to plead the nonexistent gods at night for him to not be lying.. but I doubt he was being honest. He called me pet names, he gave me his kink list. He'd act so sweet and entertain me. I loved to watch his streams, oh yeah. Diary did I mention, he's a small streamer! He has been streaming or at least has been a content creator for 13 years, at least that he tells me. One of the few things he might not be lying about. He got a s/o a week or more after we started sending pictures. He told me... He didn't mind, I did. I wanted to stop it but he didn't. We stopped for about two days before he asked for us to continue the way we were before.

I felt disgusted by myself for continuing this. I wished we'd never met but also, I'd already fallen so hard for him. I regretted decisions I'd made when it came to him... He cared, I thought.. but now looking back I don't think he did. I wished he didn't lie so much. He said he was demisexual but it didn't seem that way with how fast he asked for sex... He was sweet but as time continued I got more insecure, I realized he did this with several "friends". Then he met a viewer of his stream, they chatted.. from what I've overseen they're doing the same thing as he is with me... recently his best friend and s/o got twitch and started watching sometimes too, his best friend insulted me a lot when they realized I flirted with Jack. It caused me to spiral, I haven't really talked to Jack in a few days now.. And I feel a bit better without interacting with him? It's sickening.. I want to be his and him mine exclusively but if that happened I would never be able to trust him to not cheat.

★🎸🎧⋆｡ °⋆

Well.. I guess that's it for now Diary, I'll write you another day, but if I don't see you again, Good morning, Good afternoon, and Good night.

~Kaveh