Leap of faith, rebuilding our worlds

Chapter 5: Can I go Home?

Notes:

I bring you another chapter!! This one is supoused to be publush on tuesday but I will be busy so I will publish it earlier
October 10 2021
Ethari was sitting on the couch, he was unable to fall asleep as if someone was telling him that something important was about to happen. The winds outside were raging like hungry demons, screaming like crazy. It was a stormy night and Ethrai usually was by the fireplace, he loved to remember all those times he and Runaan spent there, together with a blanket around them, just enjoying each other's presence.
It had been a long time since Runaan was here in this house with Ethari. He went away to accomplish something that did not let him sleep but the years had passed and he never contacted Ethari, so he assumed that he had just disappeared from the world. Etheris heart bleeded a little more each day, flooded by memories of their happy married years and how alone he was right now. He always had faith that he would return, even if it was only to tell him that he wanted to divorce.
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Runaan was in front of the door he knew too well, it was the same door he and Ethari walked in when they got married. Ethari insisted that each year they carve something important that had happened to them and many things were there that made Runaan more sure of his decision.
He knew that he had abandoned his family but he needed to do this, he needed to avenge his family from Him and he did, after six long years he was able to avenge his family. For the first time in his life, Runaan was scared. He was scared that Ethari would not let him in again, that he had moved on and Runaan would not blame Ethari when it was his fault.
Runaan touched his left shoulder, he had lost his arm in the final moment of his revenge and it was worthy but the pain was like a ghost. His left arm hurt more when he was stressed, his doctor had told him that it was because he favores that arm when he was stressed and it made sense. He hoped that his soul would listen to him before he nursed him, if he even opened the damn door to look at him.
He knocked, slowly and his back was in pain, he was so nervous of facing him that he prefered fighting Garlach the destroyer than facing his husband when he was angry. A shiver runned through Runaan's spine but he only sighted, he wanted and needed to do this since he wanted to be part of their life again, too many bridges were burned in his life and he had enough if his job. He wanted to stay and be with his family no matter where they would be. He heard some noise and Runaan awaited at the door without a sound, the stepping sound became louder and louder but Runaan could only hear his own heart beat.
Runaan was a trained bodyguards and renowned assassin, he had pulled off mission that many secret services would decline and had fought in the most dire conditions but here he was, trembling in fear of seeing the most important man in his life, the one who brought him out of the darkness and the man who even when he stepped out of the house told him that his heart would go with him. Runaan was not ready to face him but he would never be, what he had done was unforgivable but yet here he was asking for his forgiveness.
The steeping sound stopped and the door was moving slowly, his heart was becoming more erratic by the moment and when the door opened completely there was the love of his life. Runaan noticed that Ethari had bags under his eyes and that he looked a little older than he should, his white hair was messy and disarranged and he was in his old working clothes. Runaan smiled and spoke with a guilty but loving tone.
-"I came to return your heart, my soul" Ethari was shocked to see Runaan there. He was not expecting him to return home, ever. Ethari's eyes started to tear and his lips parted for a moment but he frowned. He was ecstatic to see him again but he needed to explain everything.
-"I will always await your return." Ethari told Runaan with love but when he noticed that he was shivering and not moving he understood that he was afraid of being rejected. -"You are going to explain everything inside and without omitting anything...." Ethari noticed that he was missing an arm.
-"Your word is my law, my soul. Could... I take a shower before but it's okay if you do not let me" Runaan told him with a soft voice, his shame was poured in every word and that broke Ethari. Runaan was never someone who was ashamed of what he had done, not even when he did not like what he was doing but right now, he was sulking and looked like a shadow of who he was.
-"You know where our bathroom is, my heart" Ethari let him pass and helped him with his briefcase and Runaan accepted his help. Now he was worried, Runaan never accepted any help when he was returning from a mission, even when he was about to collapse but right now, Ethari hoped that when he came back and explained everything he could understand what had happened to him.
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Ethari and Runaan sat on the couch again. Ethari made some coffee since it was five in the morning and most likely they would not fall asleep anymore. Ethari was waiting for Runaan to explain himself and he started from the very beginning.
-"After we adopted Sophia and Lisa, I knew that I had to avenge them and protect them but I could not do it from here, in our home and I could not risk any of you, so I disappeared from your lifes until I had completed my mission. I followed his trail to Venice and from there to Rome, I searched for the killer of Calistes and Pandora. I followed all the rumors and info I could get but I knew that I needed to continue working since you needed the extra money and so did Rayla. I ended up in Istanbul when Andromeda and Micheal found me, they joined me in my crusade but they also kept me grounded." Runaan took a deep breath, he was reliving all the memories of those days and he felt worse by the second. He was sick of himself, he hated himself but he continued. Ethari was silently listening to him, he was understanding what had happened to him and why he had so many new scars, some that were badly healed and some that looked more painful that they seemed but nevertheless he was waiting for him to finish, even when he wanted to embrace him and tell him that everything was okay now.
-"We found information that resulted that Ram was in Berlin and that his next target was going to be there. The couple that we protected there were his target, he planed to destriy their legasy, making their murder look like it was done by the same poor people that they were defending and helping. We managed to prevent his plan from working and we followed him to his safehouse, at the top of the deutsche landesbanken. After a long battle, we managed to subdue him and ask why he was doing all of those things but his answer was simple, money." Runaan was calm but Ethari knew best. Runaan was containing his fury, his anger since their kids were asleep but if not, his voice would be louder and many obscenities were about to fly out of his mouth.
-"What was the reason?" Ethari demanded an answer from Runaan but he did not answer. -"What. Was. The. Reason" Ethari threatened him and Runana finally answered. -"Money" Ethari's heart was broken, many lives were lost, many youngsters were orphaned by him and he only wanted more money. Ethari's eyes watered and tears were slipping through his cheeks but his eyes told Runaan that needed to continue.
-"In the confrontacion I lost my arm, Michael lost his legs and Andromeda won't be walking without a cane and she wont have kids. We were able to receive the best medical attention thanks to our contract and relationship with Xadia but we lost something that day. After that I came here, I arrived today and went to see you, to ask you to forgive me. To try and make amends with you and with our family." Runaan explained not daring himself to look at his husband, afraid of his reaction, of his rejection of the monster he thought he was.
-"He was about to kill them too, right? to eliminate any loose end?" Ethari asked but he already knew the answer, Ram was going to kill their daughters, so all the cycles of revenge would be cut but he had not foreseen that Runaan would search for him until the end of the world. Runaan nodded and started crying.
-"I was so afraid. I wanted to return every day, each second I hated myself for being so far from all of you, of not being helpful or being able to be there for Rayla. I almost thought that when I came home, I would have to say goodbye to my family once again but I needed to do this, even if it killed me. All of you deserve the best of the best and no less than that, even if I am not there with all of you." He finished silently, waiting for the inevitable rejection of his soul, he was waiting for Ethari to tell him to disappear from his life, that he was the worst human being in the world, that he regretted even meeting him.
-"Remember our wedding vows?" Ethari asked Runaan but he did not wait for him to answer since he would remain silent, Ethari knew that very well. -"You promise that the only time you would disappear from my life was when it was needed but that you would remain faithful and loyal to me, to my goals and desires. I noticed that you came to every event I was invited and that you always donate money to where I donate. I also noticed that the school loans for Sophie and Lisa were paid in advance. It was you? You did all of that even when you were away?" Ethari was shocked when Runaan nodded but remained silent.
Ethari hugged and kissed his husband lovingly. Runaan was shocked but then kissed him back. They embraced each other in the best way possible but Ethari knew that Runaan was about to leave again. -"When is your next assignment?" Runaan looked directly at Ethari's eyes and frowned.
-"I retired, my soul. Even if I had not lost my arm, I would have retired. My place is here with you for the rest of our lives or until you want me to go."Runaan's voice waved a little, his tone was gloomy and depressed but he was telling Ethari the truth.
-"So you are mine now? for ever and ever?" Ethari asked him hopefully, he had longed for this for years. To have Runaan to stay home with him and raise their children together.
-"Yes, the only thing that could make us apart again is death, but we will always tell her 'not today'. I hope our children would accept me though" Runaan looked downcast when he mentioned their wee kids. He had gone for so long that he hoped that he was allowed to be part of their lives. Ethari laughed but Runaan knew that it was the laugh he gave him when he said something stupid.
-"Sophie is dying to be your apprentice in fencing, she is always telling me that by the time you came back she was going to be good enough to beat you in a fight. Lisa is always drawing you, saying that she did not want to forget you even if they never had any memories of you. You are part of their life since you are part of mine, things will be different but you are here to stay and I believe someone was proud of his ability to adapt." Ethari told him with a smile, he had not forgiven him for stepping out of their lives but he was here to stay with them no matter what. It was a deep injury in Ethari's heart but it was closing and healing.
A cry was heard from up stairs, Ethari was about to go there running but Runaan put his hand on his shoulder. -"Rest my soul, I will go" Ethari beamed at him, he was in their lives for an hour and a half and he was acting like their dads. Ethari had the confirmation he needed that Runaan was going to do whatever was necessary to gain their heart again.
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Soren was tired but he needed to think. He had been running from home since the day his father was imprisoned and he had to testify against him but that was not what was the problem in his mind. He wanted to come back home, he was injured a week ago and he was forced to retire from the NFL since he lost his foot.
He knew that he had not been in touch with them but he felt responsible for what happened to Callum but he decided to keep his mouth shut but now, his guilt was eating him and his therapist told him that he needed to face his mistakes. He was a coward, he always knew that he needed to go back there and face the consequences of his actions but he always put any excuse he could muster to avoid it.
Marcos was there, he had just finished his prosthetic foot appointment and he decided that he was ready to face his past. He asked his doctor if it was possible that they sent his new foot to Katolis hospital and that he made his physical therapy there. The doctor was not happy about that but Marcos was the one that reassured his doctor that he would take care of him.
Soren was never happy until he met Marcos at that bar. He was the lead coach form a local school team and he was recently fired since there were many complaints about his sexualty. Soren was the one who approached him and the first one to fall in love with him. After a series of arguments, Soren was able to get his number and a date.
It became Soren's mission to make him realise that his sexuality was not something wrong or sinful, that it was a different type of love, like people that did not like fish. He showed Marcos that there was no actual definition for normal and that he was perfect as he was. Marcos from that day he fell in love with Soren too. They had this conversation on their first date and after a long journey together, they were finally engaged with each other and very happy.
Soren had told him about his past and how ashamed he felt for his actions back there and Marcos was always supportive and patience. He helped Soren through his therapy and always lent him his shoulder when he needed, like right now that Soren had lost a foot.
Soren was Marcos personal and favorite hero, he went to universities to encourage people to follow their dreams even when nobody was there to help them, he told his story to them, that his father never supported him and never even care for him even when he had accomplished something in his life, like how he was able to be part of the local football team while studying for being a nurse. Marcos was impressed by how resilient and dedicated he was to his passion and interest, being the one who received the most atencion from them.
When Soren was not training, he was helping Marcos nursing whatever team he was coaching and even helping train them with some tips here and there. Marcos was never more surprised when one girl wanted to be a part of the team and he accepted her without a shred of a doubt, even when the team rejected her. Soren showed what true leadership and companionship ment in football and managed to convince many people that what mattered was their skills not their gender in football and in many aspects of their life.
Marcos was making his own suitcase, while Soren was resting after a long day in the hospital. -"You are braver than you know, my knight" Marcos told Soren with a loving tone.
-"Please flattery will not let you get into my pants, my hero" Soren remarked sarcastically. Soren knew that he could never deny anything to him but he liked making his life a little more interesting.
-"As if! but really, facing one's mistakes, even if they were made in the past is something almost nobody does. You are braver than you think." Marcos was facing him after finishing his suitcase, they were flying to katolis tomorrow. Soren owned a hose there but he never used. He made sure it was always clean and looked after but he had never used it.
-"They are going to hate me, Marcos. They are going to see a monster that helped his father do something unspeakable. I only hope that they don't kill me on the spot" Soren grimace as he spoke. In his heart he knew that he had not done something against them and he even tried to talk his father out of what he had done but to no avail. He was sure that the damage that he had done to Callum's family was something he could never forgive himself no matter what.
-"Time changes many things, Soren. You can't stay fixated on your past self, wait for their judgment and you could be impres. Maybe they have already forgiven you and they are waiting for you to come back home." Marcos argued and he saw the tiny little hope sparkling in Soren's eyes.
It was difficult for Marcos to think that someone would not forgive him but the thing that had happened was something so horrible that he did not want to think about it. Soren's father was a monster, and that was the kindest thing Marcos could think of that man but it was not what mattered right now.
-"My love, my heart and my life, you need to stop thinking what could or couldn't happen when you meet them. They have changed and you have changed, things are always in motion and for the way you describe them, they are more merciful and forgiving than most of the people on earth. You did your best at the moment, you were a kid too, older than them but a kid nonetheless. They are going to welcome you with open arms, especially your sister." Marcos reassured him with a smile and he saw that Soren was shedding tears.
-"You really think so?" Soren's voice was full of doubts and worries. He was sorrowful of their rejection but wanted to be home again, to feel her sister embrace and to face Callum's wrath but he wanted to be with his family, with his loved one no matter what.
Marcos went to the bed and hugged him strongly, he wanted to show him that he believed all of that but words were not enough, he needed to feel it in his bones and in his heart. Soren was a good person that was forced to live through abuse and suffering. His mother made them choose between them and Soren was blinded by the fake interest his father showed to him. His sister chose him and in Soren's mind he had failed to protect her from his father.
Soren was crying in Marcos arms like a newborn baby, releasing all of his emotion, showing how vulnerable he was and felt but Marcos just held him tighter, never letting him go. He had made his personal vow to be there for him no matter what since he had done the same for him. Marcos loved him for all the things he had done for him, even when he was a she.
Soren helped him with his trnacision, his legal problems and all the transphobic things that happened to him but here he was, engaged to him after all. He never rejected him, not even when he told him that he wanted to be male and that he was a man, instead he supported him, went with him to all the pride parades with him and never, ever told people that they were only friends. Soren was proud of being in a relationship with him no matter what and he had proven time after time.
-"Soren, my knight in shining armor, we are going to face whatever happens together. I will not let you go anywhere if I am not with you and when you need support or someone to lean on, I will be there. You did not run or told me I was wrong but supported me through the worst years I had, through my transition and long surgeries. You loved me no matter what and you only cared about my wellbeing not how I looked or what my genitalia were, Trust me when I tell you that everything is going to be fine" Marcos poured his heart in each word and Soren pulled him into the bed.
They were laying on the bed hugging each other and never letting go. They weren't afraid of the other disappearing but they loved being like this, together in everything they had done in their life so far.
-"I love you Marcos, with all my heart" Soren proclaimed his undying love to him.
-"I love you too, Soren." Marcos replied in an instant, without any doubts.
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Runaan came back with Lisa and Sophie with him and Ethari was shocked, they always hated to be woken up so early in the morning.
-"I'm sorry, my soul. They wanted to be with us and I did not have the heart to deny them" Runaan told Ethari shyly. Ethari's heart stopped for a little while, Runaan was never shy but maybe he was around their daughters. He noticed that Lisa was up in his arm while Sophie was walking beside him grabbing the loose sleeve where Runaan's left arms should be.
-"My wee darling, you could wait till later" Ethari told them with a lovely fatherly tone.
-"No, this could be a dream" Lisa mumbled from Runaan's neck and he smiled softly at her.
-"I am a big gal, I should be up helping you daddy" Sophie told Ethari while rubbing her eyes trying to stay awake.
Runaan smiled at both of his daughters. -"I'm not a dream, little artist. I will be here when you wake up today and ever. Littlest blade, I will be helping daddy from now on in the mornings so you could sleep well since I heard you are strong and skilled enough to win a fight against me" Runaan told his two daightes while taking his seat besided Ethari.
Ethari leaned on his arm and kissed Lisa on top of her head. Sophie pouted but Runaan patted his legs and Sophie beamed at him. She rushed to climb and she sat there with her head on his chest, where his heart was. Shopie fell asleep quickly and Lisa followed too, they were relaxed of having her daddys together again.
-"Rayla will get jelly if she heard what you call Sophie" Ethari teassed Runaan but he smiled softly.
-"She is not my little blade anymore" Runaan told Ethari and he raised an eyebrow at him daring him to explain. -"She had grow up to be such an execialnal woman that I will call her like I called her mother, Tiadrin. She is our sharpest blade" Ethari's heart melted at his words.
To Rayla they were their father and family but they haven't replaced her father and mother in her heart. She always told Ehtari that if Liadrin and Lian were alive, she would have three fathers and one mother. She was proud of being her daughter, even when she thought she was tainted.
Ethari hated the community's values, they were misogynistic and sadistic and hoped that Callum would help her see that she was not those things the people here called her. -"You know, Rayla has a boyfriend" Ethari commented and waited for the extreme overprotective nature of Runaan to appear but he only hummed in acknowledgement.
-"Then he is a good man if you know about him and you are telling me about him. I trust Rayla's judgment, we trained to be such an astounding person that she is and she has accomplished more than we ever thought she would do. If she chose him to be her boyfriend, I believe that he must be a kind and honored man. I wish that she wants me to meet him someday since I know she is dying to present him to you" Runaan told Ethari silently since both of the wee ones were asleep and he did not want to disturb their dreams.
-"She will want you to meet him too, Runaan. She was more concerned about you than she let go but she is also worried that you hate her for her actions, she is scared of your disapproval." Ethari told him the truth but saw that his husband was frowning.
-"She had never let me down and she is an incredible woman, I would never disprove her even if she killed me. I will have to talk to her and tell her how much she means to me and how sorry I am if I communicated the wrong message to her." Runaan spoke with pain in his words, he had never wanted to hurt Rayla in any sense but he had done it anyway.
-"When you speak to her and tell her what it's in your heart, she will see what you see in her and she will welcome you with her arms opened. Every time we talked about you, I could see that she wanted you to be there and to embrace her like when she was a wee kid, my heart. You have the opportunity to right your wrongs." Ethari told him with love and reassurance but Runaan had fallen asleep.
Ethari remembered that he was still healing from losing his left arm, so he stood up and kissed him between his eyebrows, like he had done each time before they went to bed and covered them with the same blanket they use when they cuddle at the fireplace.
It was the beginning of healing their family and Ethari were more than happy to have his heart returned to him again. He felt inspired and went to his workshop and he knew that he needed to make some call, as much as he loved his husband no matter what state he was in, he needed his arm back and he knew very well who could help him achieve that. Ethari was smirking knowing that it was going to be one hell of a surprise for Runaan and he could not wait to see Rayla's expression when she and Runaan talked again.