Wishes Rotting in my mind

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Some thing is sucking my energy ,draining all that is left

I want to sit in a hotel bath tub with my fave dress on and stare at the ceilings for hours till my bones become heavy and mind light

To be all alone in here

Cramped in a small apartment with undone laundry, dirty coffee cups, a messy book shelf and a foul odour that represents me, it's he verdict that i love who I'm - a mess .

I want to try cigarettes, it's harmful I know. How? People told me I don't know the truth but I'm sure it would be good for me cuz I love destroying myself and blaming others

How does the alcohol tastes like does it burns the already burnt part more or would it fade the ashes of my burning heart?

I want to do everything people stopped me from doing

Picture a scene and leave my mind there so i can be at peace

Own a camera and click photos of everything I see except people. I want them to imprint in my heart forever but they let themselves just fade in my old albums, that's why I hate the.

To make sculptures of myself with the most perfect features and destroy it, break it,shatter it till it looks exact like me

I had so many things to do that i just lay in the bed all day

I want to cut open my veins and see if theres blood in there or just emptiness swinging

To bury my face in flowers until I nearly die of suffocation just to witness my self dying midst sweet beauties instead of being strangled by my sour tragedies

I hope the rain never stops

I hope the tomorrow never comes

I hope I always live by sea coast, alone

All alone

Just me

By myself

N

It would be beautiful

That's how I want to live.... 

 

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