2011

CHAPTER 19

TAZ POV

The next morning dawned and I actually wanted to talk to her and I could see that she didn't feel any differently but we sat there at the Table having breakfast, drinking our coffee and saying nothing. The agent's card was not far from her. We weren't usually that quiet. What will come. She was the one for me, but was I also the one for her? What I wouldn't give to be able to read her mind right now. I was just consumed by self-doubt and did my best not to let it show. „Shall we go for a walk? The weather is so nice today?" Her voice brought me out of my thoughts. I nodded. „Yes, you're right. The weather is really nice and sunny today. Let's get out of the City and go for a walk somewhere outside. What do you think?" She smiled. „Yes. Let's get ready right away." The awkward silence was broken and we packed our things. In the Car, we turned up the music and laughed. The tension fell from my shoulders for a while. But I knew it would come back. Someone had to make a decision. We both had to make a difficult decision. It wasn't going to be easy. The Day was lovely and we really had a lot of incredible fun. Time passed and by now it was the end of November. We still hadn't really spoken. Not decided. Maybe she had already decided and hadn't told me. Because her deadline also expired in a few days. I just didn't really know what was going on. My plan was actually to ask her on my Birthday if she wanted to be my wife. I hope that it works out. That she will say yes. That we would still be together. Here in London or in the USA, if she prefer. I don't care where. I love her and want to be with her forever. It's only a few days away and I'm already planning everything. In the last few days she's been very preoccupied and that worries me. My parents will be here for a week and I told them what I was planning and they also knew about our current conflict. We loved each other, it's not like that. We were still happy. But this certainty that she had the chance to finally live her dream, but that I had just been given a great opportunity here in London at the theater, that was just something that worried us. We never wanted to stand in each other's way. But we also loved each other so much and didn't want to be without each other. Now we just didn't know what to do. More days passed. By now it was the beginning of December. The fourth to be precise. I had dinner with my parents today. Mimi wanted to join us later as she was still traveling and the traffic in London wasn't always the best. But it got later and she didn't answer her cell phone. So we decided to go home and I found a letter on the table. I had a bad premonition and looked to the right into the bedroom where I found the Closet open. Shocked, I sat down with the letter in my hand. I could feel the Tears in my eyes and my hands were getting shakier and shakier. My parents sat down with me, they still didn't understand. Then my Mother took the letter from my hands and read it out loud. *My beloved Tarek. We didn't talk about it, but we knew that someone had to make a decision. I never wanted to stand in your way. I know that, one day you will go far. I also know, that you don't want to stand in my way. That's why I left. I didn't want to stop you. I couldn't and I know that you would have felt bad forever if I hadn't left. My flight leaves at 10 PM. I love you more than anything and maybe one day we will see each other again. When the time is right for us. I am so sorry. I Love You. Your Mimi* I could no longer hold back my tears. My fears were true. She was gone. She really was gone. She hadn't even given me the chance to say anything or to say Goodbye, no, she had simply left. Her plane would be leaving in an hour. I could still make it, but would she want me to? I don't know. Because she is right. I would hold it against myself forever if I stopped her. And she would hold it against herself forever if she stopped me. I felt my parents take me in their arms. "Do you want to try?" I shook my head. "No. She's right. She didn't just leave like that for no reason. I don't think I would have done it any differently." I went into the bedroom, took the Ring out of the velvet Box and looked at it. I had hoped to put it on her finger tomorrow. I sank to the Floor. It hurt so damn much. I had missed her before, but this time it was different. This time, I loved her so much and this time I had lost her. We were no longer WE. It was over. It was painful. And knowing that she wasn't better, only hurt more. I unfastened the Necklace I wore around my neck and connected it to the Ring that was once meant for her. I looked in the Mirror but I couldn't bear it. I just couldn't bear it. I went back next door to my parents who immediately took me in their arms again. I felt like a pile of misery. I didn't want any more. I couldn't take any more. It was as if my heart had just been ripped out of my chest. I just wanted to wake up from this cruel nightmare and hold her in my arms again. To ask her that question and hear the Yes. That we would make all our dreams come true. The house at the Beach. Just everything. But right now I just can't breathe.