𝐁𝐄𝐀𝐔𝐓𝐈𝐅𝐔𝐋 𝐁𝐎𝐘 || 𝐇𝐘𝐔𝐍𝐋𝐈𝐗

Chapter 4

Shame - Mitski
───✱*.｡:｡✱*.:｡✧*.｡✰*.:｡✧*.｡:｡*.｡✱ ───

Felix's head pounded relentlessly, the pain being a sharp reminder of the previous night. He groaned as he rolled onto his back, the world spinning slightly as he forced his eyes open. The light streaming in from the window was too bright, piercing through his skull, making him wince. His body felt heavy, his mind clouded by the lingering effects of alcohol and the pills Jisung had given him. It all felt like a blur now, a haze of music, laughter, and the fleeting high that had made everything else fade away.

But the bliss was gone, replaced by a deep, gnawing discomfort. As Felix tried to shake off the remnants of sleep, a soft knock echoed from his door. He ignored it, hoping his mom would leave him alone, but the door creaked open, and she stepped inside.

"Felix?" Her voice was soft, but there was an edge of worry that made his heart sink.

"Yeah?" he mumbled, his voice rough. He didn't want to deal with this, not now. His head throbbed with each word, and the sight of his mom standing there, arms crossed, made him feel even smaller.

"What time did you get home last night?" she asked, her eyes searching his face.

Felix sighed, struggling to sit up. The room spun briefly before settling into place. "I don't know. Late, I guess."

"It was almost three in the morning," she replied, her voice rising slightly. "And you were drunk. I could smell it all over you."

The accusation made Felix flinch, but the guilt was quickly buried under a wave of irritation. "Mom, it's not a big deal. I'm fine."

His mother's face tightened, the lines of worry deepening. "Not a big deal?" she echoed, disbelief coloring her tone. "Felix, you came home stumbling, barely able to stand. I've been worried sick about you, and you think it's not a big deal?"

"I just needed to blow off some steam, okay?" Felix snapped, the frustration boiling over. The pain in his head made it hard to think, and the last thing he needed was a lecture. "Can you just drop it?"

"Blow off steam?" she repeated, her voice breaking. "Felix, this isn't how you handle things! What if something had happened to you? Do you even care about what this is doing to me?"

Felix looked at her, his anger flaring. "What do you want from me, Mom? You want me to say I'll never screw up again? That I'll be the perfect son you want?"

His mom recoiled slightly, her eyes shining with unshed tears. "I just want you to be safe, Felix. I want you to understand that your actions have consequences, not just for you, but for everyone who cares about you."

The words hit Felix hard, but instead of softening, his anger only intensified. "You don't get it!" he shouted, his voice raw with emotion. "You don't know what it's like to feel like this! You think lecturing me is gonna make it all better? It won't!"

His mom blinked, stunned by his outburst. She opened her mouth to respond but seemed to think better of it, closing it again. The hurt in her eyes was unmistakable, and it cut through Felix like a knife.

"I'm just trying to help you, Felix," she whispered, her voice trembling. "But I can't do that if you keep pushing me away."

Felix's anger wavered, replaced by a hollow feeling in his chest. He looked away, unable to meet her gaze. "I'm sorry," he muttered, the words feeling inadequate. "I just... I don't want to talk about this right now."

His mom stood there, her expression a mix of heartbreak and helplessness. She reached out as if to touch his shoulder but pulled back at the last moment, her hand dropping to her side. "Okay," she said softly, her voice barely above a whisper. "But we will have to talk about this eventually."