Fire and Aether

Chapter 51: Zuko's Lost Days (Part 1)

   "Zuko!" Rose shouted, rushing to his side immediately. Everyone got quiet as they watched the Avatar fret over her future husband.
   She held him in her arms, moving the hair from his face. The look she gave him made it clear that what they had was true love and no one could ever break their bond.
   Eyes glowing, the pair disappeared through a portal Rose created.
                        * * * * *
   Again, Zuko was haunted by his dreams.
   He saw a vision of himself decked out in full Fire Lord armor. All his friends stood before him, bowing as Rose walked in, escorted by her mother. She looked beautiful in a fancy wedding gown.
   As he stared into her eyes, he realized she was standing before him, awaiting his hand. He offered his hand and she followed him.
   The rest of the wedding was a blur.
   Zuko blinked and years had passed. He sat on a throne, her next to him. Rose giggled. "You fell asleep, again, my love." He chuckled, taking her hand in his. "I have something I want to tell you after this meeting is over."
   Cut to after and he was standing before her, mouth open wide at her confession. She was pregnant with his child.
   As his vision continued, he saw the progression of it, them having a child together, then of many more years passing.
   Then it turned dark.
   He saw a familiar face, someone he had sincerely hoped wouldn't return after his father was defeated: Malvina. He saw a battle. Then, the worst part: he saw Rose die. Wailing came from each of her friends. Aurora knelt over Rose. Zuko cried.
   Then...
   Zuko shot awake, panting and sweating. Rose shot up next to him. "Zuko, are you ok, my love?"
   He turned and grabbed her into his arms, holding her like his life depended on her touch. Rose leaned into his hug, offering him the comfort he needed.
   Zuko was horrified as tears began to spill from his eyes. But, as he looked up at his beloved fiancé, he saw no judgement in her eyes, only love and concern. Her acceptance caused the tears to continuously pour from his eyes.
   "I don't wanna lose you. I don't want you to die."
   Rose, having been through this once before, was prepared that Zuko might have nightmares again. "I'm not going anywhere, my love." She promised.
   He looked up at her and was overcome once again with emotion. His lips found hers and he poured every emotion he was feeling into their shared kiss.
   No more words were needed to be said. They knew what the other felt and that was enough...for now.
                      * * * * *
   Zuko stood, slipping on a black robe with a dragon on the back, noticeable because his back was to Rose. She tied closed a blue robe with a growing tree on the back and moved to his side, wrapping her arms around him from behind.
   "I don't deserve you." He spoke, his voice full of emotion.
   Rose moved to stand before him, her fingers stroking over his scar in that loving way. "You and I both know that's not true."
   "Do you know how I got it?" Zuko asked, referring to his scar.
   "No. You never told me."
   "Because it's a terrible memory. What happened to me...it was the worst time of my life."
   "You don't have to tell me, Zuko."
   Zuko held her tightly. "Yes I do. I don't want there to be anymore secrets between us."
   He stared into her eyes and only found love there. Sighing, he began...
                     * * * * *
   4 years ago...
   A fourteen year old Zuko made his way to the War Room of the palace. At the door, however, his way was blocked by a couple of guards.
  "Let me in!" He commanded.
  "Prince Zuko," Iroh placed a hand on Zuko's shoulder, "what's wrong?"
   "I want to go into the War Chamber but the guard won't let me pass."
   Iroh smiled as he led his nephew away. "You're not missing anything, trust me. These meetings are dreadfully boring."
   But Zuko was adamant. "If I'm going to rule this nation one day, don't you think I need to start learning as much as I can?"
   Iroh thought for a minute. "Very well. But you must promise not to speak. These old folks are a bit sensitive, y'know?"
   "Thank you, Uncle."
   The pair walked into the War Room together.
   Ozai sat on his throne, his council already in the middle of speaking. "The Earth Kingdom defenses are concentrated here, a dangerous buttalion of their strongest earthbenders and fiercest warriors. So I am recommending using the 41st."
  "But the 41st is entirely new recruits!" Another protested. "How do you expect them to defeat a powerful Earth Kingdom buttalion?"
   "I don't. They'll be used as a distraction while we attack from the rear. What better to use as bait than fresh meat?"
   "You can't sacrifice an entire division like that!" A teenage Zuko cried out in anger and disgust. "Those soldiers love and defend our nation! How can you betray them?"
                       * * * * *
   "Oh, Zuko, I'm so proud of you!" Rose said, throwing her arms around him.
   "For what?"
   "Don't you know?" She asked. "Even back then, you stood up for what was right. You've always followed your heart and it's never led you astray."
   "But, because I spoke out of turn, I was punished."
                         * * * * *
   Zuko was not afraid to fight the general he had insulted. An Agnai Kai had been declared and Zuko went through with it. But when he turned to face his opponent, he found...not the general, but his own father.
   When Zuko noticed this, he fell to his knees and begged, "Please, father, I only had the Fire Nation's best interests at heart! I'm sorry I spoke out of turn!"
   "You will fight for your honor!" His father declared, angrily.
   Zuko bowed with his face to the ground. "I meant you no disrespect. I am your loyal son."
   "Rise and fight, Prince Zuko!"
   "I won't fight you!"
   "You will learn respect and suffering will be your teacher."
   Zuko looked up with tears in his eyes and Ozai struck.
                      * * * * *
   Rose stroked along Zuko's scar, affectionately. "That was cruel. For a father to permanently scar you just because you respected him too much to fight."
    "Afterwards, he sent me away." Zuko sighed as he turned away from Rose and paced the room. "He said that I had brought shame on myself by refusing to fight and the only way to regain my honor was to find you, the Avatar."
   He turned back to her and watched her expression. "All I ever wanted was my father's love and approval. I thought he could give me my honor."
   His eyes then filled with tears. "But I was wrong. It's my job to earn my own honor by doing the right thing. And his love...I don't want it anymore."
   Rose moved closer and enveloped him in her arms again. "You're absolutely right, my love." She stared into his dark eyes as she wiped away his tears. "You earned your honor and became a wonderful man, Zuko. I'm so proud of the person you've become. You finally let yourself be happy...with me. And I couldn't be happier for you. I love you so much."
   She sealed her proclamation with a kiss.
   "Is there anything else you want to tell me?"
   "Yes, actually." Zuko said, parting from her and drying his eyes. "There's a bit more to the story."
                     * * * * *
   "Prince Zuko, you have shown yourself to be unworthy of the crown and unfit to stand upon the land of our noble ancestors."
   Zuko stood, being judged by Ozai's council who took great pleasure in his punishment. A large bandage covered his burnt eye.
   "You are therefore stripped of your birthright and banished from the Fire Nation until you can prove your worth."
   Zuko left the chambers. "Nephew, please, you are not well." Iroh protested.
   "I'll decide if I'm well or not." Zuko shouted.
   The servants looked at Zuko sympathetically. "An Agnai Kai duel?" one asked the other. "You're sure? But he's barely more than a child."
   "The Fire Lord challenged him." the other servant confirmed. "He couldn't very well refuse."
   "Can you imagine?" a third servant asked. "Disowned and shamed in front of the entire court? It seems so cruel."
   A fourth shushed the third. "Don't let the guards hear you talking like that?"
   "Has he ever been outside the Fire Nation?" one of the servants spoke again. "Or the capital?"
   "He won't last a month in the colonies." the second servant answered, blaisely.
   Zuko groaned as he left to pack.
   "That poor boy." the third observed. "I know we should trust in the Fire Lord's wisdom but how could anyone do such a thing to their own son?"
   In his room, Zuko wept.
   A knock at the door pulled Zuko from his thoughts and he rushed to answer it, "Fath-"
   "Hello, ZuZu."
   "What are you doing here, Azula?" Zuko asked in annoyance.
   "I thought I'd help my dear brother pack." With that, she pushed her way in and began to do that very thing. "I wouldn't want you to forget anything important. After all, who knows how long you'll be gone."
   Zuko snatched his things from Azula's hands. "I'll be back as soon as I find the Avatar. Then he'll...then father will welcome me home."
   "Well, I suppose the Avatar's only been missing for a hundred years. Maybe you'll track him down in fifty." She teased.
   "I'll find him. You'll see."
   "Of course you will. I'm sure that when they match you down to the docks, you'll be able to bribe some fishermen into giving you a ride." Azula continued to tease. "Maybe they'll even give you a job washing down the deck. I've heard that peasants have a soft spot for orphans."
   Zuko lost his temper then, firebending toward Azula. She only smirked in response.
   "The guards will be here to get you in an hour." She shrugged him off. "Better finish packing."
                       * * * * *
   "Your sister really is a loathsome human being." Rose said flatly. "And why did everyone assume I was a man?"
   "Well, no one had seen you in so long. All we knew was that you were a powerful bender. I guess everyone assumed you'd be like Roku."
   "Yea well...I'm nothing like Roku." Rose answered. "And I refuse to talk to him any longer."
   Zuko cocked an eyebrow but didn't ask. He simply continued his story, hoping to get answers when he was done...
                          * * * * *
   To say the least, Zuko's quest didn't start out well. Recruiting help was impossible. Realizing no one respected him and his days as a prince were over was even harder.
                      * * * * *
    "I had never been so ashamed... or felt so alone." Zuko confessed as Rose urged him to sit back down. He did and she held him tightly as he continued.
                       * * * * *
    His nightmares, his memories, continued to haunt him every night. Then he awoke to Azula.
    "Zuko...you look terrible." She clicked her tongue. "I got your message, along with half the palace staff. Hardly subtle talking to an imperial guard that way. I'm risking a lot to come and speak to you."
   Zuko groaned. "I wouldn't have asked if I had any choice."
   "So what do you want?"
   "I can't stay in the capital." Zuko explained. "I have to leave to find the Avatar. But I don't have a ship or any way to hire one. And I thought... Father's always preferred you. You can ask for things that I can't."
   "I'll see what I can do." Azula said, dismissively. "But you'll have to pay for any favors."
   "I know."
   "You should change those bandages more often. You'll lose that eye otherwise."
                       * * * * *
   "Azula sent me a message the next day." Zuko said. "She told me she'd spoken to father and convinced him to recommission a ship for me to use."
   "That was...kind of her?" Rose confessed. "I never knew Azula cared so much."
   "There was one condition, however."
                       * * * * *
   Iroh rushed to Zuko's side. "Nephew!" he called, excitedly. He swooped Zuko into a big bear hug that felt like Zuko was being crushed.
                      * * * * *
   "They sent your uncle to help you?" Rose asked in surprise.
   "Ever since he abandoned the siege at Ba Sing Se, Uncle Iroh had been nothing but a nuisance at the palace and an embarrassment to the court. I was the only one in our family who still spoke to him. And, now, to earn this favor from my father, I would have to take him with me."
   "I see." Rose said. "So Ozai saw it as a way to get rid of two people he saw as unworthy of his time." She sighed.
   "Unfortunately so. But uncle had pull and he helped me in a lot of ways."
                       * * * * *
   "It's good to see you again! I was worried!" Iroh said as he hugged his beloved nephew.
   "Uncle, I'm fine."
   "Of course. Of course. Now, come, the others are waiting on us."
   "Others?"
   "I may no longer be a general, but the Dragon of the West still has some pull. Lieutenant Jee served with me at Ba Sing Se and has made all the arrangements for the rest of the crew. Loyal, honest men whose fortunes no longer lie here in the capital."
   Zuko couldn't hide his disappointment. "A crew of failures then?"
   "I prefer to see myself as a man in search of new beginnings. And so should you, Prince Zuko."
   "I'm in search of the Avatar." Zuko argued. "That's all that matters."
   "If one is cooped up in the palace for too long, one's spirit becomes withered and weak. The fresh ocean air will do us both a world of good."
   Iroh whistled as he walked away. Zuko growled in anger but followed his uncle, nevertheless.
                         * * * * *
   "I know I should have been grateful. I could never have put together a crew on my own." Zuko explained. "But I hated how badly I'd needed his help."
   Rose smiled sadly. "You've always been so proud, my love. Sometimes...things happen to show us how we can improve as people."
   "My father called uncle a doddering old failure. But Jee and his men treated him like a hero."
   "Because your uncle is and has always been a hero." Rose told her lover. "Your father sounds like a jealous man."
   "Those people...they acted like I wasn't even there." Zuko continued. "I swore that I'd show them I was worth noticing. I would prove that I could do this on my own." Rose sighed at this statement. "My ship departed with little fanfare and, as we passed the Great Gates of Azulon and left the city behind us, I tried not to think about how long it would be before I saw again...or if I ever would."
    "I know exactly how you feel. I felt the same way when I left home to be the Avatar...and it was even worse when Aurora told me I could never go back."
  Zuko took Rose's hand and held it, needing that semblance of comfort for both of them. "How you must feel...I was so selfish."
   "I forgive you." Rose stated simply, moving to kiss him once more. "So what happened then?"
   "Well, the rumor was that you had gone to one of the air temples for a Guardian and to learn airbending, so I thought I'd start there."
                       * * * * *
   "What a stunning view!" Iroh proclaimed as they stood at the Western Air Temple.
   "The only view in interested in seeing is the Avatar in chains." Zuko said, angrily. "First we'll check each of the air temples then we'll scour the world, searching even the most remote locations until we find him."
   "Prince Zuko, it's only been a week since your banishment. You should take some time to heal and rest."
   "What else would I expect to hear from the laziest man in the Fire Nation?!" Zuko bit back. "The only way to regain my honor is to find the Avatar. So I will."
   Iroh sighed. "I would not presume to tell you how to conduct your search, nephew. But you were told very little about the Avatar when you were a boy.
   "Perhaps if you knew more about the lives he has already led, you would have a clearer picture of what you are searching for."
   "How many hundred year old airbenders or aetherbenders do you think there are?" Zuko fired back. "I know enough."
   "The previous Avatar, Roku, lived at the Fire Temple on Crescent Island for several years. The sages there know more about him than anyone else in world."
   "That island is weeks off course!"
   "But going may save you years of fruitless effort." Iroh pointed out. "It cannot hurt to ask."
   "Fine." Zuko conceded. "If it'll keep you from nagging me."
   "I only nag because I care, nephew."
                          * * * * *
   "I was actually thinking about that memory when I showed up to the Western Air Temple to join you." Zuko confessed. "All I could think was if only the past me could've seen me in that moment, in love with the Avatar and trying to bring down my father, a man I used to worship."
    "Well I don't relish the idea of being a prisoner but if you wanted to tie me up, you could've just asked, Zuko." Rose purred.
   Zuko blushed. Then he flirted back. "Well, perhaps I'll have to tie up my naughty Avatar sometime." He kissed the side of her neck then sighed. "But later."
   Rose nodded. "So what happened when you went to the Fire Sages?"
                       * * * * *
   When Zuko and Iroh arrived at the Fire Temple, they were greeted by one of the Fire Sages.
   "My name is Shyu. I'm sorry that the Great Sage wasn't able to greet you himself but I would be honored to help you learn about the Avatar. My own grandfather, Kaja, was a Fire Sage who taught Avatar Roku during his stay in this temple. He kept careful records of Roku's life and work, from the day he was announced to the day he died."
   He opened a door and gestured. "It was once a duty of the Fire Sages to preserve the history of the Avatar cycle. The scrolls in our archives go back thousands of years."
   Iroh marvelled at the vast collection of knowledge as Shyu droned on and on. When he finished, he offered them his desk and left.
                      * * * * *
   "It wasn't a complete waste of time." Zuko admitted. "Some of what I learned in that library might even be called useful." He sighed. "But my pride..."
   He explained how he had gotten into a fight with one of the Fire Sages and stormed off in a rage when his uncle ended the fight.
    "When I was alone, I took off the bandages to see this ugly scar. I was horrified."
   Rose sighed again, stroking her fingers across his scar. "And yet you are still beautiful to me."
   "I knew you were gonna say that." Zuko said with a smile.
   His smile then turned to a wince as a horrible headache came over him.
   "Zuko!" Rose shouted, catching him.
   "I'm fine."
   "You are not fine. You're hurt and exhausted." Rose reprimanded. "Take a rest. Lay down with me. We can continue this later, ok?"
   Zuko wanted to argue, but she had a point. He felt so tired. Just so tired...