Indifferent

Falling for Him

Deepika's POV

I was watching this video where this awesome man was teaching step-by-step how to create jewelry from flowers - like real flowers and leaves, and boy was that awesome. I mean, I have always been fascinated by flowers and their vibrant colors, and seeing something like this makes me want to do this.

One day, I was just scrolling through some reels and discovered a video where someone had turned this into a business. When Varun returned home that day, I spoke with him about this, and all of this happened a week ago. But now, what I have with me is a book on creating such sorts of jewelry and tons of YouTube videos for the same. He did that research for me. This man is perfect, isn't he?

I often wonder how really different and in fact weird is it that I got married to someone I never knew about. And my life turned out to be so different, so amazingly beautiful with him. Varun was someone who had never been a part of my dreams, hell, asides of getting even the slightest of the affection from my dad, nothing really had been a part of my dreams. And this dream too eventually withered away as I got used to dad's deliberate absence in my life.

Yes, there had been a distant thought sometimes about having a loving, cute, sweet little family of my own, but my cynical self knew better than to expect that.

Where my own father has been indifferent to my existence, who would expect me to dream of a family who would love me, care about me. Whenever I would be extra lonely, I would dream of a loving husband and a kid of our own. And we would love the kid like no one else. It was as though, the void left in me without my parents' affection urged me, called out for me to love my kid someday like I have always wanted to be loved by my parents.

However, it all seemed like an impossible dream. Too much of hope.

But everything has changed now. With Varun's presence, I have learnt to hope. Those distant thoughts of having my own family do not feel as distant now.

I often wonder if having all these thoughts is even normal? I mean, look at people my age. They generally speak of making something of their own, having a career, and identity of my own, and then look at me - just some basic education, living off of dad's money earlier, and now Varun's. And yet, I yearn more for a family, than for a living of my own.

Is this even normal? Am I even normal to have these thoughts? Is it wrong?

I have no idea.

Thinking about it at length, when I see the future me, I see Varun and I raising our kid the way we were never raised by our parents. Pouring pure love, affection on our child so much so that he or she would never ever feel starved for affection, as I do. Maybe, as Varun does too.

Our kids. Varun and I.

Our kids!

Damn, did I really think of all that. Here, despite of the comfort we have settled in, despite of the way we treat each other these days, the mutual respect and care for each other, the sweet moments we spend, all those hugs and forehead and cheek kisses and their warmth, I still cannot say where our relationship stands.

I simply do not know anything, asides of the fact that Varun has now become one of the most important parts of my life, and that I would not have it any other way.

But kids, I shook my head at my silliness.

'Do you know what they do to have kids.', my very indecent subconscious had to butt in, and my cheeks grew warmer at that notion.

The place where I was sat was directly in front of the mirror, and once I glanced into it, I noticed the crimson hue which had coated my cheeks. A myriad of scandalous thoughts hit my mind, in waves, and I tried shaking my head and thinking of literally anything else in the world, to get rid of those really indecent thoughts.