Starbound: A Review Shop | Closed

Lotus Basking in the Moonlit Mist by Carelesswillow

➳ Cover Relevance: Your cover perfectly matches the title and gives off the right vibe. It is also very pretty, so plus points!

➳ Blurb/Description: It certainly fits the theme of ancient China! It portrays the premise of the book without giving away too much, and it certainly makes you want to read more. However, you can afford to give a few details about Nian Zhi's rival - at least his name - or foreshadow the reason they dislike one another so much.

➳ Hook: The prologue was fairly good. It did make me curious, but it could also use some improvement. For example, the very first sentence, which could make or break a book, is a little on the longer side. It gives insight into Nian Zhi's overall reputation, but it doesn't particularly attract a reader's interest towards him as a character. What you can do is expand more on Nian Zhi's feelings towards his late mother's passing and how it affects his current life. Instead of saying that he likes staying in calming places, you could show him meditating somewhere quiet and describe the atmosphere or how he feels while there. The more you expand on his inner world, the better.

➳ Grammar and Punctuation: There aren't that many major mistakes to the point where it's hard to read, but they're not very little either. You can either hire an editor (there are many editing shops all over Wattpad), or do what I do and run the chapter through a grammar checker before posting it. Quillbot is good for that (and Grammarly sucks! I won't take constructive criticism on that). Not everything a grammar checker claims is accurate, though. Be careful not to ruin your prose in the process. Make sure to review it again after doing that.

➳ Writing style/flow: Overall, you have amazing prose. There is, however, ample room for improvement. Some parts are a little blocky and/or confusing in the earlier chapters. You can use some more descriptiveness in your writing, but make sure not to overdo it. Only a few parts lack it - the rest are beautifully described. Your prose flows naturally in some parts but can seem slower in others. You also have somewhat of a problem with telling instead of showing. There is a lack in conveying through characters' body language as well, so work on that. For example - in chapter 3, instead of 'telling' that young Nian Zhi was tired, you can 'show' that his eyes were weary, his body felt heavy, his legs could barely carry his weight, etc.

➳ Additional personal notes:
• In the title, don't capitalize the words 'in' and 'the' as that is gramatically incorrect.
• I really liked how you described Nian Zhi's eyes as 'phoenix' in the 1st chapter.
• The naming choices reflect their respective characters. I absolutely love that!
• Avoid using all caps in your writing to convey loudness/strong emotions. It may make your writing seem less professional, at least in my opinion.
• Nian Zhi and Yi Fan's dynamic is amazing thus far.
• The way you write fight scenes is truly amazing. I can perfectly visualize it - it is precise yet graceful.

~ With love, Astraea