➳ Cover: It's a really pretty cover. The subtle elements convey the concept of bad habits quite well.
➳ Blurb/Description: It's pretty good and to the point. I do, however, have to note that it's not very captivating - it doesn't immediately attract the reader's attention. I'm not sure about the plot of the book since there's only one chapter posted thus far, but including a little bit of suspense can really help. For example, you can foreshadow an event that happens later on or expand more on some of Ethan's bad habits, as well as his relationship with Olivia.
➳ Hook: There's only one chapter, so that was the hook. It was fine, but it didn't immediately hook me, honestly. You could maybe start with some action or something exciting? Like, say, for example, Ethan actively engaging in one of his bad habits.
➳ Grammar and Punctuation: It was all good. There's nothing specific to note.
➳ Writing style/flow: Your writing is good, but it can do with some improvement. My first note is that you should show instead of tell. You mentioned that Olivia was pretty, but you didn't expand more on her features - things that can help with that include similes and metaphors. What do her eyes look like? What colour is her hair? Does she have any special features like beauty marks or scars? What aura does she have? And so and so. The same goes for Ethan's reputation and habits - what sorts of flaws does he have? How detrimental are they? Using more description and introducing characters in more detail can really help the reader visualize the characters and thus develop a bond with them.
➳ Additional personal notes:
• Avoid constantly jumping between characters' points of view - it can quickly become disengaging and may put off some readers.
• Limit using swear words to extreme situations or, if it portrays a character's personality traits, foul-mouthed characters. And it shouldn't be used in excess. (You didn't do that, I'm simply putting it as advice!)
~ With love, Astraea
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Starbound: A Review Shop | Closed
Random𖧷| "To the stars that listen, and the dreams that are answered." .・゜-: ✧ :- -: ✧ :-゜・． Hello, hello! Astraea here. After pondering for a while, I decided to utilize my experience in writing to help new talents bloom and give second opinions to th...
