➳ Cover Relevance: 100% relevant and fits the vibe of the book and title. Good job!
➳ Blurb/Description: It's very apt and to the point, but could use some more suspense, especially considering the premise of the book. A little more description towards the eeriness of the shadow, maybe?
➳ Hook: I was honestly hooked on the very first sentence. The way you started the prelude and the way you wrote it were so mysterious and a little terrifying at the same time - it got the adrenaline pumping, and I immediately wanted to read more. Really, it's so well-cut and amazingly thought out. Again, good job!
➳ Grammar and Punctuation: Mostly okay, but there have been multiple instances of missing commas and run-on sentences, as well as incomplete sentences. Maybe run it through a checker or find an editor? One more thing is that you sometimes jump between present and past tense, so try to avoid that.
➳ Writing style/flow: Generally, your writing flows well. It sounds much like a young boy's POV, so kudos to that! I do, however, have to note that some words used are sometimes not in the right place - or they don't give off the impression that was supposed to be conveyed, at least. For example, in the first chapter, as Randy describes his dream, he says, "I fell into a dark pit that made me yell." The word 'yell' moreso conveys someone raising their voice during speech instead of terror. A better word would be 'scream'. You could say, "I fell into a pit so dark it tore a blood-curdling scream from my throat." Other than that, your writing flows really well and is generally captivating. Every sentence keeps the reader hooked, and that's an amazing feat!
➳ Additional personal notes:
• Your "show, don't tell" game is very good!
• The chapter names actually have my heart - they're so well-thought-out!
• Try to have paragraph breaks whenever a new person speaks, but don't take it too far.
• You're really creative with the metaphors. Plus points!
• I loved Randy's attitude and sarcasm 😂
• The inline comments were wild 😭
~ With love, Astraea
YOU ARE READING
Starbound: A Review Shop | Closed
Acak𖧷| "To the stars that listen, and the dreams that are answered." .・゜-: ✧ :- -: ✧ :-゜・． Hello, hello! Astraea here. After pondering for a while, I decided to utilize my experience in writing to help new talents bloom and give second opinions to th...
