Nothing's Fine

• 72: Little Words •

After music class, as I stepped into the hallway, I narrowly avoided bumping into Emery.

"Oh my gosh!" she exclaimed, throwing her hands around me. I winced slightly as her body made an impact with my still sensitive ribs. "You're here! Wait!" She let go of me. "When did you get here?"

"Third period," I replied with a light laugh.

"Oh! Glad you made it! Did you rest better last night?" Her eyes were warm and hopeful.

"A little," I replied. We started walking down the hallway towards our lockers.

"That's good!"

"Yeah! How are you?" I asked, changing the subject. "Any dates with Adam coming up?" I knew that question would get her excited and less focused on me.

"Good! Yes! Tonight we're going to the Vancouver Aquarium," she exclaimed.

"Very cute!" I smiled. As we got closer to my locker, I noticed Mason waiting there for me. My heart rate picked up as we made eye contact. "I hope you have fun on your date! I'll catch you later."

"Thanks! See you!" Emery replied as I walked towards Mason and away from her. I swallowed hard as I finally closed the gap between the two of us, but tried not to seem nervous in any way.

"How was art?" I asked.

"Not bad... music?" he asked in return.

"Same," I said with a small smile. I opened my locker and grabbed everything I needed. "Ready to go?" I asked as I closed the locker door.

"Yep," Mason replied. I began to put my bag over my shoulder, but Mason promptly took it from me to carry. I gave him an I appreciative "thanks" as it was a little heavy for my recovering ribs. We then started walking out the doors and to his car.

As we drove, we were quiet, the sound of the radio filling the car. When Mason turned down a different street from the direction of our houses, I gave him a curious glance. He simply gave me a small smile in return and when he pulled into the parking lot of our meadow I wasn't surprised.

We made our way up through the trees, like we'd done numerous times before. I breathed in the fresh air as we walked quietly. When we made it to the meadow we wordlessly walked over to our usual spot looking over the cliff edge. Mason sat down, while I hovered, unsure what to do with myself.

"So.." Mason started. 

"So..." I repeated.

"What's been going on with you?" Mason asked. I nodded and looked down at my feet. "It kind of feels like before the holidays..." My eyes shot up to look at him, but he started to avert his eyes. It wasn't an easy thing for him to say.

"I'm sorry," I said. "I don't mean to be distant, I just... needed a second to digest everything."

"Like the stuff with your family?"

"And the fight at La Luna... new nightmares, Irene's been calling... a talk with Kayla...it was a lot to absorb."

"A talk with Kayla? What did she s–"

"Just that you guys had a brief... whatever... it doesn't matter. I just – I know it's a lot. I know I'm a lot. I know it would be easier for you if I was someone like her, who was easier to deal wi–"

"No." Mason interrupted.

"It's true. My sister, Kayla... they're easier, brighter, more fun, less damaged..."

"That's not true," Mason said standing up. "I don't know what Kayla told you, but that's been over forever. And while she didn't have a lot going on, she didn't get it. No one really gets it – gets me – the way you do." He walked over to me. "Charlie, I'm sorry that things have been hard enough for you that you do, but I'm also grateful to have someone in my life who understands me. I feel less alone with you."

"Me too," I whispered.

"So stop pulling away," he said. "I want to be there for you. Always." He gently rested a hand on my cheek. "Charlie, I love y–"

"No. No you don't. You can't!" I interrupted, as I took a small step back.

"Charlie..."

"If you say it, you'll leave," I said, taking another step. The frostbitten grass crunched lightly under my foot.

"What? I won't –" I cut Mason off once again because I didn't like that promise – especially not paired with the words he tried to tell me a moment ago.

"Please don't say that," I insisted. "A time will come where I become too much for you or you don't want me anymore, or..." I trailed off as my eyes wandered to the cliff edge and suddenly, my throat felt tight. "And you'll leave. Everyone I love leaves me and I can't handle another person leaving me." I was fighting the instinct to retreat into the forest and flee like a frightened deer. "So don't say it. Because I... I won't know how to breathe if you go." My eyes were glued to the ground as I spoke.

"Charlie Ross, I will never just pick up and disappear." Mason surprised me by taking a huge step, closing the gap between us. "I won't leave you. I don't want to." He pulled me into his arms and as his warmth envelops me I was reminded that I was cold before him. "I want to stay by your side for as long as you'll have me because I love you."

I could feel tears rolling down my cheeks and I was scared to let the three little words that I knew I felt escape my lips. I swallowed hard and looked up into those deep forest green eyes; so trusting, and still hopeful despite it all – two things that had been very fleeting for me since losing my father.

Lorraine's words echoed in my mind. "You deserve to love fully and let yourself be loved fully. The memories are that much more special when you let people in... regardless of what happens after you do. You deserve to feel that joy and to feel that spark – even if you're scared."

Maybe for once, it wouldn't hurt to hope. Maybe things would be different this time. I took a deep breath.

"I love you too, Mason Grey," I whispered. He smiled and placed both hands on my face, leaning down to kiss me with a fire that could have melted the frosty grass beneath our feet.

Author's Note: OMG! The chapter I've been waiting for! I've been so excited to write this! I hope that you all enjoyed reading it. Let me know your thoughts in the comments! Stay tuned for another chapter next week!