Nothing's Fine

• 76: Still Here •

Over the next few days I watched as Mason's guard went up more. He still laughed at the jokes at lunch and joined in on the banter, but subtly, his smile didn't meet his eyes. And when everyone's attention moved to something else, the collected expression he wore relaxed a little and while no one could, I could see the sadness on his face.

Outside of school, I tried to spend as much time with Mason as I could, to help support him and maybe take his mind off of things. We did homework at coffee shops, went to the movies one day, and the mall the next.

On Friday after school, his parents were supposed to be out all evening, so we decided to hang out at his house. We watched a movie on the couch before going up to his room to do homework. I sat at his desk while he worked on his bed. We worked for a little bit, before I heard Mason let out a heavy sigh and close his textbook. I closed mine as well, and turned around to see him lying on the bed staring up at the ceiling. I walked over to the bed and lay down next to him.

"What are you thinking about?" I asked after a moment. I had a feeling, but I wanted him to talk to me.

He was hesitant before he spoke.

"It's tomorrow... the anniversary," he said. "I'm just trying to remember what the day before was like. The last day that everything was... well it wasn't good but it wasn't as awful as it could be. She was still here."

I knew there wasn't anything I could say to make his pain go away, but I whispered an "I'm so sorry," before resting my head on his chest. We then laid there quietly for a little while.

Mason had left the door ajar, but preferred it not to be wide open in the off chance his parents did come home.

And they did.

First his mom came home. It sounded like she'd done groceries as she was in and out of the house with a bit of rustling. I could then hear her in the kitchen opening and closing cupboards.

A door opened with a heavier set of footsteps.

"Annalise, what's all this?" Mason's dad's voice drifted up the stairs.

"Oh! Derek! Hi!" Mason's mother greeted in surprise. "Um, I thought maybe tomorrow we could have dinner together as a family. And – um, maybe go visit So–"

"I'm working," Derek cut her off before Mason's sister's name could leave her mouth.

"It's a Saturday," Annalise said.

"The world doesn't just stop because it's a weekend, Annalise," he said.

"I-I know... it's just – it's important," she said. It was softer. Harder to hear.

"It's my job! What the hell do you want me to do? Someone's got to keep it together."

The silence that followed was deafening. Then there were footsteps that paddled up the stairs. Mason jolted upright, making me sit up as well. We then heard as his mother rushed by his room, softly sobbing. She went to her room and slammed the door shut. Mason got off the bed and walked over to his door. He paused for a moment, and then gently shut it behind him.

The expression on his face when he turned around and pressed his back to the door made my chest hurt. I could see just how much pain he was in and I wished I could make it disappear.

"I don't want to go... but this... this makes it hard to want to stay," Mason said, looking down at his hands. I swallowed hard at that, feeling my eyes burn with tears I refused to let fall.

I walked over to him and sat down next to him.

"I know how hard you're trying. I'm proud of you for being here. It won't always be like this," I whispered. He rested his head on mine gently. "I love you."

"I love you too," he whispered back.

_____

Author's Note: Anyone else in their feels with this one? Let me know in the comments! Be gentle with yourselves and I'm proud of you all xo