The Way Back

Chapter 5

The car felt deathly quiet after the steady drum and bass from the club. Peaches put on the radio and found Coldplay’s Yellow. The gentle tones reminded Abby of a small rolling wave, smoothing out the sand after a big storm. She sat back and listened to the lyrics, feeling more satisfied than she had in weeks. Her hands fell on Clay's jumper and she picked it up. She slipped it on and subtly smelled the collar as she turned her head and looked out the window. Abby hugged herself and smiled. Tonight, with its ups and downs, had been like a tonic for her soul.

They drove for a few minutes then stopped outside a brick apartment building. Peaches got out of the car and called out a regal goodbye. Abby jumped out and gave Peaches a tight hug. Peaches gave her a cryptic smile. “Good luck, my little basic angel.”

Abby stepped back, “Thanks for everything. I had a great night, in the end.”

Peaches chucked, “You just need to say yes to the universe more often.”

They paused and then Peaches looked at Abby more closely, “You know, I think I can see what he’s on about.”

Abby frowned slightly, “Huh?”

Peaches winked, called out a dramatic goodbye, then promenaded up the steps to their front door. Abby looked back at the car. She couldn’t hide in the backseat anymore. She shut her door and climbed into the front passenger’s seat. As she put her seatbelt on, Abby looked shyly at Clay. He didn’t say anything and her heart fell. She shook herself. She was being so pathetic. It was just a dance and here she was acting all lovesick and clearly reading too much into it. As they drove back to the flat Abby looked out the window. She ran through the night in her mind. If Clay was a stranger that she had just met, would she think he was interested in her? She thought about it. Besides some innocent hand holding and the short dance they shared Clay hadn’t exactly warmed to her. There were moments when she thought he liked her and then there were moments like this when he went monosyllabic.

She stifled a sigh. This was just her stupid infatuation making her overread everything. Abby took a deep breath. Okay. It’s one-sided. Just move on and get through this night and you can lick your wounds tomorrow when you get home. After a short but silent drive they pulled up outside Clay’s house. A cop car was parked on the road outside the house. Its lights were flashing ominously in the darkness. Any feelings of hope that had been sitting in Abby, fell through the floor. When Clay turned off the engine they sat in silence for a minute. Then Clay stepped out first and came around to Abby’s door. He opened it and took her hand. Abby looked up at him in surprise, suddenly thinking how old fashioned the gesture was and how she didn’t know if anyone had ever opened a car door for her.

She took his hand and stood up, then looked back at the cop car, “What do you think happened?”

Clay looked grim, “Darren happened.”

Inside they found a tired looking police officer taking a statement from Mike. Darren was sitting on the couch, holding a bloody cloth to his forehead.  The cops closed up their notebook and nodded to Clay as they left.

“Do I want to know?” Clay gestured to the departing cops.

Darren cracked up, “Jerry can’t take a joke, guess I’m fired. Haha.”

Mike laughed and then the two of them went into the kitchen.

“He’s a trainwreck,” Abby muttered under her breath.

Clay got out some blankets and pillows out of a cupboard and started making up a bed for her on the couch. Abby sat down. All of the good feelings from the night were gone; like a burst balloon. She looked at Clay, “What happened to him? How did he get to be like this?”

Clay stopped and looked at her, “Like this?” He let out a dry laugh. “He’s always been like this Abby. It’s always been Darren vs the world. When you left, he lost the one person that kept him in check.”

“But I don’t get it, if I’m so important, why did he even invite me here if he was just going to ignore me the whole time?” 

Clay looked away, then quietly said, “You don’t understand. He didn’t invite you.”

Abby frowned, “What do you mean? Of course he did. He emailed me.”

Clay stared at her and then sighed. He looked like he was about to speak, then Darren and Mike came back into the room with beer and left over pizza. They sat on her newly made bed and turned on the playstation.

Abby ignored them and stared at Clay. Darren hadn’t invited her? What was he talking about?

Clay looked at her with a worried expression and anger flowed through her. She was so sick of this bullshit. After a few seconds Abby stood up. She grabbed Clay by the shirt and pushed him into the kitchen. She was aware he was humouring her. She wouldn’t be able to make him do anything; he was basically a giant. But he went where she pushed him. The kitchen door closed behind him and Abby moved closer so she was only inches away from Clay. She looked up at him, her heart pounding. She glanced behind him and then swore when she saw that the stove element had been left on. She pressed herself close to Clay so she could switch off the dial. His hands briefly rested on her hips and then she leaned back and he dropped his hands. She instantly missed the feeling of his hands on her body. Ugh what was wrong with her? Get it together girl!

Abby put her hands on her hips, “What do you mean Darren didn’t invite me? I got an email, lots of emails from Darren. He’s been emailing me for weeks.”

Clay looked away and scratched the back of his neck. Then he looked back at her. They stared at each for a long moment. Clay said quietly, “It was me. I invited you.”

Abby was speechless, “What?”

Thoughts raced through her mind. Is this a joke? Is he pranking me? She looked around for someone hiding, about to pop out, then remembered that she had dragged him into this room. Clay leaned back against the bench and took a deep breath.

“Ok… look… I was using Darren’s phone and an email popped up. I told Darren and he said to read it to him. It was a few months ago… that group email… while you were travelling.”

Abby nodded. She suddenly felt cold all over.

Clay continued, “He told me to hit reply and dictated …a message. I knew if I sent it to you that would be the end of it. I couldn’t. I mean, I hadn’t heard anything from you in years and when you sent that email… it was like…” He rubbed the back of his neck and looked at the floor, “I couldn’t. So I forwarded it to my account.”

Abby’s heart fluttered, “And all the emails and messages I got?”

“They were all from me.”

Abby stared at him, shocked. She thought about the emails. Everything he was saying made sense. He had been protecting his friend from losing a possible stable element in his life. But why did Clay keep on doing it for so long? Abby thought about the emails. The things he had shared, the depth. It made sense now, that it wasn’t Darren. There was an open vulnerability to the emails  that Darren just wasn’t capable of anymore. Abby looked up at Clay, trying to put her ideas in some order before she spoke,

“Okay. So why did you invite me? I mean, why invite me when you knew it would all come out?”

“I thought it was my last chance to see you.” 

Abby shrugged, “I haven’t seen you in 4 years.”

“I know, but I’m moving out next week and when you emailed… I just thought it was my last chance to tell you.”

Abby’s heart started beating faster, her breath was almost a whisper, “Tell me what?”

Clay stared at her, then said quietly, “How I feel about you.”

Abby held her breath, remembering the cryptic remark Peaches had made earlier. She managed to say, “And that is?”

Clay rubbed the back of his neck nervously.

“That I’m in love with you”