FAYE
Sa ilalim ng puno ng acacia, nakatayo ako, nakatingin sa lumang bench kung saan kami huling nag-usap ni Yoko. I closed my eyes, letting the breeze carry the scent of the acacia flowers around me. Each breath felt like a battle, a struggle to keep myself together.
Naalala ko ang mga sandaling iyon, ang huling beses na nagkita kami ni Yoko. Pareho kaming tahimik, parehong nagtatago ng sakit.
"Yoko," I called her, "kailangan kong umalis."
Hindi nagsalita si Yoko, ngunit ang mga mata niya'y punong-puno ng mga katanungan.
Bakit? Bakit ko siya iiwan?
Pero sa halip na magtanong, niyakap na lang niya ako, mahigpit, na parang hindi na kami magkikita pang muli.
At nagkatotoo.
Ngayon, while I'm standing in the same place, pakiramdam ko'y parang bumabalik lahat ng sakit. Ang mga alaala ng aming mga tawanan, ang mga gabing magkasama kami sa ilalim ng mga bituin, at ang mga pangakong hindi na natupad.
"Ito ang gusto ko," I whispered to myself. "Ako ang pumili nito." Pero bakit ganito? Bakit parang ako lang ang naiwan dito, nakatayo sa parehong lugar, sa parehong lupa?
May dumadaan na mga tao, mga magkasintahan na magkahawak-kamay, mga pamilya na masaya. Parang isang pelikula ang lahat, at ako ang nag-iisang karakter na naiwan sa eksena, hindi alam kung paano magpatuloy.
Paano magpapatuloy kung wala ka na?
"Yoko," I whispered to the wind, hoping somehow it would reach her. "I'm sorry. For everything. For leaving you, for the pain I caused you."
I remembered our first meeting, the way Yoko's eyes lit up when she smiled. We had met in a coffee shop, both reaching for the same book on a shelf. It was a cliché, but it had been the beginning of something beautiful.
Napangiti ako nang maalala ang unang pagkikita namin. Ang pangyayari kung saan nag-umpisa ang lahat.
Ngunit natapos din.
Tinapos ko.
Magkasama naming hinarap ang bawat pagsubok, bawat kaligayahan at kalungkutan. Pero dumating ang panahon na ang pagmamahal na akala namin ay walang hanggan, ay naputol ng isang desisyon-ang desisyon kong umalis, na akala ko'y para sa ikabubuti n'ya, sa ikabubuti namin pareho.
"Pero bakit ganito?" tanong ko muli sa sarili. Pare-pareho lang ang mga tanong na pumapasok sa isipan ko. "Bakit parang ako nalang ang nagdurusa? Why am I the only one standing stranded on the same ground?" I felt like a prisoner of my own choices, the weight of regret heavier than I ever imagined.
One night, a few months after we parted, I saw Yoko from a distance, walking with someone else. The way she laughed, the sparkle in her eyes-it was the same when she was with me, but it wasn't for me anymore. That was when I knew I had lost her for good.
"Nasanay na ako na ako ang mag-isa," bulong ko, pero alam kong kasinungalingan ito. Hindi ako sanay na wala si Yoko sa tabi ko. "Mahal ko pa rin siya."
Pero hindi ko na maipaparamdam sa kanya ang pagmamahal ko.
Days turned into weeks, and weeks into months. I tried to move on, to fill the void with other things, other people, but nothing felt right. I was always drawn back to the same place, the same ground where we had last been together.
The next day, as I sat on the same bench, lost in thought, I heard a familiar voice. "Faye?"
I looked up, and there she was. Yoko, standing a few feet away, looking as beautiful as ever. "Yoko," I breathed.
I can't believe she's right in front of me, after months of being separated from the love of my life. She's here again.
We stood there, staring at each other, the silence stretching between us. Finally, Yoko spoke. "I've been thinking about you. About us. Why did we ended up like this."
My heart pounded. "I thought it was for the best," I said quietly. "I thought leaving you would make things easier-for us."
"Did it?" Yoko asked, her voice soft but firm. "Did it make things easier for you? For us?"
Sleeping myself to sleep, the only thing that can put me to bed is crying for a long time at night. I've suffered a lot since I ended things between us, and I know she suffered more than me. I left her without a proper explanation. I'm so stupid for believing my parents, for thinking that leaving was the best decision. Turns out, it fucked me up really bad.
I shook my head. "No. It made everything worse. I've been lost without you."
Yoko stepped closer, her eyes searching mine. "Faye, love isn't about making things easier. It's about facing the hard things together."
A tear slipped down my cheek, I held her hand. Ngayon ko lang ulit nahawakan ang malambot niyang kamay. "I know that now. I was scared, Yoko. Scared of failing you, of not being enough."
Yoko reached out, taking my hand in hers. "We all have fears, Faye. But running away doesn't solve anything. It only leaves us stranded, stuck in the same place."
I squeezed her hand, the warmth of her touch bringing a flood of emotions. "Can we start over?" I asked, my voice trembling. "Can you forgive me?"
Yoko smiled, a soft, sad smile. "I never stopped loving you, Faye. It's been hard for me simula nung umalis ka. Araw-araw kitang hinahanap, pati sa ibang tao hinanap kita, pero ikaw parin talaga," she squeezed my hand and gave me a warm smile, despite the tears rolling down her cheeks.
"But we both need to be ready to face the future, together," she added, I smiled at her. Pinunasan ko ang mga luhang tumutulo mula sa kanyang mga mata.
I nodded at her, understanding the depth of her words. "I am. I want to be with you, through everything. Let's start over," I said and she nodded with a smile.
We sat down on the bench, hand in hand, under the same acacia tree. The ground felt different now, not a place of endings, but of new beginnings. And as the sun set, casting a golden glow over us, I felt a sense of hope.
For the first time in a long while, I wasn't standing alone. And that made all the difference.
I'm home again. On the same ground.
