Sacrifices and Change

Isolation

I woke up and did my usual morning routine. Spend 10 minutes trying to get out of bed to the wheelchair, used the bathroom, and get dressed. Then put on a fake smile and go on with my day. I was tired. I was always tired. I don't really ask my parents for help with my needs anymore. The physical therapy was helping my upper body, but my legs still wouldn't move. I didn't want to do this. I just want to wake up and realize this was just a dream. Well not a dream, but a nightmare.

I woke up later than usual so I knew I would most likely be eating breakfast alone. Or I thought I was. But Jinora waited for me. I really don't know what I would do without her. Just being around her really did give me energy. Real energy that wasn't just a fake smile and laugh.
We just talked about some of our favorite old memories.
"Remember when we played hide and seek with dad for so long and he couldn't find us until the next day?!"
"Yes that was the funniest thing ever. He was so stressed out looking for us while we moved to millions of different spots throughout the day."

"Oh! Or the time when we told him that all of the baby sky bison had gone missing! So we put up fake clues for him to find them!"
"He did not find that funny." I said as we both started laughing.

Over an hour had passed when we finally finished laughing at dumb stuff. She had to go train with my dad so I was on my own. My mom was most likely taking care of Rohan. So I decided that I was going to just roll around on the island. I was going to say talk a walk. But in my case I certainly can't say that. My grandma says I'm very observant. That I notice things many other people don't. When I was bored I would just watch and observe what was happening around me. I saw Jinora training with dad, Meelo playing with some sky bison and I was surprised to see Korra. She was playing with fire. Literally, and Asami was watching her and giggling. I just sat and watched all of those things going on. I just pulled out my book and started reading. Well I was, but Korra and Asami invited me over to where they were.

We started talking about random subjects like math or just made up random theories. They also asked me questions about how I was coping or  how I managed doing so much on my own without help from others with my basic needs. I kind of just blew it off because so didn't want to talk about me being in a wheelchair at the time.

While I was talking to them, I realized Meelo was playing with another boy who looked around his age. I didn't recognize the boy though. Until a few minutes went by and Meelo ran up to me asking me to play with them. I said I couldn't play with them and I made a face at Meelo because he obviously knew I couldn't. Then they both ran away laughing. I wanted to run away and just lock the door to my room. Why would he even do something like that?

Korra and Asami were standing right there and Korra looked like she was just going to explode. But she instantly turned to me. I didn't think Meelo would ever go that low. He knew I couldn't play.
A: "Hey, don't pay any attention to them, okay?"
I just broke down in tears.
It felt like the last bit of patience I had with my
family just went away.
I: "I'm so sick of this. I'm tired, I'm so tired."
K: "Ikki you are so strong and brave-"
I: "No..I'm not. I keep trying to act like things are okay. Like everything is still the way it used to be. But it's not. Nothing is the same and nothing will never be the same as the way things were before. I keep acting like it's just a nightmare and I'm going to wake up soon but it's not a nightmare. It's reality..And I-I just need to learn to live with it but I can't.. I hate this I hate everything."
I had tears streaming down my face.
I miss my old life.

Korra and Asami stayed quiet and we sat in silence. I actually felt better after I had finally said what I felt I needed to say. I didn't need to put on a fake smile. I could finally just say what I felt.

It got late so they rolled me back into my house later on. I certainly wasn't going to eat dinner with them so I decided I was going to just eat in my room. I did that a lot more often. Jinora would sometimes join me but today I just wanted to be alone. I went and grabbed a plate and left. I didn't make eye contact or anything. I was eating my dinner in silence and then I heard a knock on my door. I thought it was Jinora but it was my dad.
T: "Ikki, can we talk?"
I really didn't want to or feel like it.
I: "Okay,. I guess. About what?"
T: "Ikki, I'm sorry if I made you feel like I was ignoring you, there's just a lot to do around the island and..I just don't have much time."
I: "Oh, it's okay. I know you're busy."
T: "Thank you, I love you."
I: "Love you too."
He closed the door and left and I rolled my eyes.
He doesn't have time for me but he can have private training sessions with Jinora? He's always training with other people but can barely spend time with his own child. I didn't expect him to come and say that though. Maybe he saw how many meals I missed with the rest of them. I'm not sure. I got myself into bed after I finished eating and just went to sleep.  When I woke up, Meelo was at my door.

I knew it was him before I even opened the door. I wasn't going to get up and into my wheelchair just for him so I air-bent the door open.
I: "What do you want?"
M: "I just came to apologize geez. He said as he rolled his eyes."
He walked in closer to my bed and where my wheelchair was and he started fiddling with the handles and stuff on it. Then I realized that he was actually rolling it away from my bed.
"Wait Meelo! Don't move that please move it back."
He started laughing.
"Meelo move it back now it's not funny I need that next to my bed."
He pushed it further.
He just kept laughing.
"GET OUT!" I screamed.
He looked so shocked. Like he expected me to just let him "play" with me like that.
"I hate you." I mumbled.
"What?"
"I    Hate     You."
He started crying and ran away.
I didn't feel bad at all. About 5 minutes later, my mom walked into my room shouting about how I can't just go around telling people that for no reason. She didn't even hear my side of the story. I had a reason.
P: "Hate is a strong word Ikki!, you can't tell your brother you hate him!"
I: "I know it's a strong word. That's why I said it."

My mom gave me the same shocked face Meelo did when I told him to get out. She just stared at me in anger, then left.

I couldn't believe what I just said. Yet I knew I meant it. What Meelo did wasn't okay.

As the week went by, Meelo stopped asking me to play. I could still tense the tension with my mom and I. I don't think my dad knew what happened and I closed pretty much everyone else out except for Korra and Asami.

Asami POV
A: "Hey kor?"
K: "Yeah?"
A: "R-remember when you were paralyzed..? And how you needed space?.."
K: Yeah., I do..
A: "Do you feel that Ikki needs that too? Have you noticed that she has completely like..shut her family out completely? And remember how she said she felt about her parents treating her differently, and what recently happened with Meelo and the wheelchair thing?"
K: "Yes.. what are you planning?
I could tell Korra knew I had an idea. I just couldn't stand to see Ikki completely miserable anymore.
A: "I-I want to ask Tenzin and Pema if Ikki could stay with me and you..at my house. I really don't think she's doing well at the island."
K: "I think she definitely needs that, more than anything, but how would we get them to agree with that? I don't think this will be a short term  stay. Tenzin is very protective."
A: "Yeah, I know. But I think it's worth a shot."