Limerenza

Chapter 1: My Spring

The fresh morning wind slips over my still sleepy face, with a more rhythmic walk than my still foggy thoughts, I put on my airpods and take my phone in hand to start my playlist on spotify, while letting myself be guided by my steps. On the way to my jog that will take me to the path around the tip of Revellata, a small piece of island that is located at the exit of Calvi... There is still no one this early in the morning and even if the temperature is around 10 degrees, we can expect to spend our days where the temperature exceeds eighteen degrees on our small island.

Out of habit of our rather mild weather, I only covered myself with my leggings, only a cardigan over my bra, and off we go for about two hours of walking.

Even if the sunrise remains the same every day, with the time difference of minutes always bringing us a little more glow of the sun, the colors of the sky vary and are never the same... like my thoughts... today even more intensely, I can't calm my mood. I will need my dose of caffeine once I have done my tour.

I start walking towards the path, enjoying the calm and the view that spreads out in front of me with the smell of the plants that emanates and surrounds me. I don't have particularly suitable shoes but I am used to it even in sneakers, I still remain careful, we never fail to hurt ourselves if we do not place our feet well on the obstacles that hinder us. This kind of moment of respite feels good after a long week of work, what could be better when nature offers us everything we need to recharge?

My cell phone is already ringing; I am barely at the top of the Oscelluccia, and when I see the caller I dread the conversation, so I put the phone on silent and continue walking. I don't like this oppressive side even if I know that I won't escape it for long... what will the excuse be this time? And I'm not talking about his but about my excuse. Because yes, if in general it is women who seek attention and who have worries about "what is he doing" and "with whom", I am the one who ghosts in the relationship. I shouldn't, I know however that after I am stalked on social networks, I let his pain fuel, he who is looking for answers to questions that I can't even answer. I don't know how to give him attention because I don't know what I really want. I don't want to be alone, nor to be in a deep relationship. Nothing touches me, nothing holds me back. So I should take my courage in both hands and finish what didn't really start.

After my long walk along the cliffs, where if you keep an eye out, you can discover our famous Armeria soleirolii between the rocks, I arrive at the lighthouse, I go up the path accessible by car and finally enjoy the view at the level of the stone wall, the sea breeze and the expanse of transparent waters that clear up with the day. I take my phone back in hand. 08:10 and I notice the 5 missed calls including a message that follows:

- Are you dead or are you alive?! Call me back, so I can at least know what the hell I did wrong...

I sigh exasperated and I remain pensive, one of my locks floating in the wind that I tuck behind my ear and here I am again disturbed just by his message.

I sigh but I still give myself time for this special moment with nature and my mind that frees it as best it can from all negative thoughts, then I resume my walk again. I still have more than an hour to figure out what to write to him if I take the trouble to really think about it. It's hard to justify what I'm experiencing when just being alone gives me more pleasure than company, however pleasant it may be.

I take breaths of fresh air as if it were the first time and I find myself peaceful again, at peace. How good it is to feel so free! No need to devote a whole day to it but you have to know how to find yourself from time to time... For that, if you have to get up at dawn to enjoy it, you might as well try... it's worth it. Our life is worth living this feeling of belonging only to us.