LOVE AGAIN | 18+ || ✔

☆ || U n a n t i c i p a t e d || ☆

"Good girls are bad girls that never get caught."

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T R I S T A N

At some stage, my calculative brain always seems to wonder if there's something I need to get better at. If it was a year ago, and I needed to analyse myself, I'd never be disappointed with myself. And I would answer no, I'm perfect for what I see myself.

What has changed in me? And then, I realise everything. Because I've come so far from what I was. The thoughts started stinging my brain since the day I met Aarna.

If I want control over something, I'd simply buy it, I always have. The next weapon for me was to lure; to have the feeling of owning something was always flirting. Maybe because I chose the sweetest side to convince people. I'd talk to people in my sweetest gesture, making them perplexed to agree with me. Because If you can't convince them, confuse them. The theory always worked. I was sincere and sweet.

I seem to have lost that quality now. After I realised I'd accessed a violent way to own something, convince someone. And that was Aarna. Six months ago, in Varun's apartment, or the first night and days passing by. I was rude. No, I was harsh. And she was just the opposite of treating me. I was fucking manhandling her since the day we met. And that's not a good sign for me how I behave with her.

To think of what had changed me? It's just a breakup. A heartbreak caused my personality to split. I was too weak to break, tormented with heartbreak. Trying to be cool, Maybe because I truly loved her. Or maybe because I expected too much from my first relationship.

I don't want to recall everything that had already happened. Because each time I see them together, enjoying a happily married life. Heer and Paris. It seems to embarrass me. What am I doing with Aarna? Ignoring her care and her efforts just because I don't want to trust anyone anymore. Fucking life she's living after getting married to me only to be alone. She waits for me at breakfasts and dinners each day, and I seem to ignore everything because I fear. Fear. What if I get attached to her, too? I fear I'd hurt her more. Maybe not the way I did in the past but I will, I know.

But instead of behaving disrespectfully, I should at least talk to her nicely, there is no need for me to make her feel like the unluckiest person in the world.
Because I know. In the end. She is my wife. She likes me. And I've accepted her. There's no other way around.

Just for my own selfish reasons, I can't break her heart; I'd be fucking bastard to make her feel that way again.

I do secretly admire the way she selects the menu for the meal and arranges my shirts and cologne. The bedroom isn't alive without her presence in it. I'm used to it now. Our small conversations before we sleep, I'm used to it now. Watching movies on alternative days while enjoying her expressions and handling her cries every time, I'm habitual to it. I'm used to so many things that I'd regret how I made her feel at the start.

Men need women. That's the fucking truth even if any bastard denies it.

Ma once said to me. Those who have suffered don't let others suffer. The negligence I've gone through I'm treating Aarna the same way. Even when I know she likes me and cares for me truly.

On our first night, I thought keeping her away from me would be better for both of us. Aarna is a pure soul, and when I tried to taint her, it backfired on me. It made me question myself. Have I become like those useless fuckers who don't care about the ladies who love them? I have.