˗ˏˋOur Differences Sequelˊˎ˗

-45-

Nothing could've prepared me enough for the burial of Dan Smalls.

I stood next to Dylan through the entire thing, watching as Devin, his Mom, and Maren all said their last goodbyes to him. There was a certain uneasiness lingering in the air as Devin's Mom, in all of her drugged glory, cried loudly in the middle of the cemetery. She sobbed for what felt like hours, while several extended family members tried to console her.

Maren also cried a lot. She was glued to her Mom's side the entire time, with one hand on the casket like she didn't want to let go of it ever. Seeing a child lose their parent this early on in their life is heartbreaking and morbid. I can't even imagine how strange it must be for her.

The most unsettling part of the entire day was Devin, who I never saw cry once.

"He's trying to keep it together for them." Dylan muttered to me, while gesturing to the loud, emotional scene taking place in front of the casket as they lowered it into the ground.

I nodded in agreement, though it made me feel extremely dark and uneasy. "He shouldn't have to hide how he's feeling. It's not fair to him."

"Not even a little bit." Dylan replied.

We sat in silence through the rest of the burial, and Dad turned to me and Dylan after it was over.

"You both need to go talk to him." he spoke quietly enough that nobody else would hear. "I know you don't want to, but he needs it."

Both of us nodded before turning to go find Devin, reluctantly.

"I don't think he wants to talk to anyone." Dylan muttered once we were away from Dad.

I shrugged. "Probably not, but we shouldn't just ignore him."

Devin was talking to an older man, who I assumed was one of his grandfathers. The conversation between them looked to be ending, so we walked up to him, unsure of how to approach this.

Dylan took immediate initiative by hugging him. "I love you, man. I'm so sorry."

The hug lasted for several seconds while I stood behind them, racking my brain for something to say to him. I've never known how to comfort someone over death, and I feel like I should be saying something to Devin. But I couldn't find words, no matter how hard I tried.

"How long are you staying in Knoxville?" Dylan asked him casually, doing a surprisingly decent job at this.

Devin shrugged. "I'm not sure yet. I may fly back to California tomorrow, but I haven't looked at flights yet."

My stomach dropped when I heard him say that.

"Listen, you don't have to rush back if you're not ready yet. Dad's serious about you staying with us, and I mean it." Dylan replied.

"I know." he nodded. "I really appreciate it."

I made direct eye contact with Devin right as he said that. It was the first time I had truly seen his face since his Dad died, and it was extremely apparent to me that he was not okay. His eyes were darker than usual, replacing his joy and charm for gloom. It felt wrong to stand in front of him right now when I can't even imagine what he's going through.

"Let me know when you're flying back - I'll go with you." I said the first words I could think of.

He kept looking at me as I said this and then immediately shook his head in disagreement.

"No." is all he said to me.

I couldn't help but feel hurt and rejected. Him and Dylan continued to talk, though I couldn't tell you what about. My brain was spiraling out of control after that interaction with him.