The Perfect Facade.

Chapter 31

I've never felt so violated and disregarded in my entire life. When I'm supposed to feel loved, comforted and cared for, I feel neglected by a man who's meant to always and forever make me feel essential.

I told him to stop and he didn't listen, it was a choice he made...even though I told him he was hurting me.
He's just proving ne right.

CHANTELLE : Are you even listening?

KGOPOTSO :Mhm?

CHANTELLE :We're talking about the trip, did you book our rooms?
Shit.

KGOPOTSO :I will get on that immediately,it must've slipped my mind. Oh Ntando and Thandeka asked to have a sleepover at a friend's house, I said it's fine.

KHANYI:No problem, I was thinking we have a spa date before we left for Cape Town.

KGOPOTSO :That sounds nice.
We get to discussing our spa date and tbe details of our trip. We're leaving in two days and we'll be spending five days there. So it's just going to be us ladies. We decided that bringing the kids along would become a handful for us and we wouldn't enjoy.

DUDU :Oh Bandile asked we send him a list of all the things we need so he can get them. He's at the mall with Kwanele.

KHANYI: I'll forward it to you..... Haibo Kgopotso, just two things? You don't want anything else?

KGOPOTSO :No I'm fine.

CHANTELLE : Don't be shy to spend love, you should know this by now

KGOPOTSO :I do, it's just that I already have everything I need.

CHANTELLE :Yoh okay.
Mfana and Junior come back from soccer practice.

JR. :Hi auntie Kgopotso.

KGOPOTSO :Hi Junior, how was practice?

JR. :Same old, same old. I kicked this guys butt.

MFANA:He's lying, I scored the most goals.

KGOPOTSO :Bathong Junior, why o bua maka?(why are you lying)

JR. :You know what, let this guy keep on capping, I'm going to take a shower.
He leaves and it's just Mfana and I.

MFANA:Can I help with the dishes?

KGOPOTSO :I'm almost done.

MFANA:I insist.
He takes a dishcloth and wipes the plates.

MFANA:Thank you for convincing my dad.

KGOPOTSO : Don't worry about it.
He puts the cloth down.

MFANA:You're such a good person.... Plus you're beautiful.
Hebanna?
I smile awkwardly and continue washing the rest of the dishes.

MFANA:I can see why my dad likes you. You seem like those types that just follow a mans command so I guess that's why my mom couldn't handle him. She wanted her own independence.
Bathong this boy,he's getting a little too comfortable with me.

KGOPOTSO :Well-

MFANA:How old are you again?

KGOPOTSO :Excuse me?

MFANA:How old are you?

KGOPOTSO :I'm 26.
He nods.

MFANA:You're not thaaat old.. Okay uhm I'm going to head up and take a bath,I'll catch you later.
He walks out and winks at me.
Is it just me or this child o stout? (is naughty)

I'm expecting a visit from Naledi soon, she just wanted to check up on me after her dinner.

The bell rings and it's her!

NALEDI :Hello hello!!

KGOPOTSO :Hi, come in.
We go out to the patio.

NALEDI :How are you, it's been a while since we spoke.

KGOPOTSO :I've been doing okay...... Actually I haven't.
I fee like I can trust Naledi, she has known Kwanele for longer than I have anyway.

NALEDI : Okay. What's wrong?
I take a deep breath in.

KGOPOTSO :Kwanele has a problem Naledi and I try to make him see it but he just won't.

NALEDI :What kind of problem?

KGOPOTSO :After we came home from your dinner he was upset at me and instead of him talking to me about it or going out for a drive to cool down he had sex with me and it was different. It was more of a punishment than anything else.

NALEDI :Mhmm.

KGOPOTSO :Then I came back from the hospital, things didn't feel the same. So I spoke to him about it and he said something along the lines of 'I'm not used to men that can handle a woman like he can'

NALEDI :Wow.

KGOPOTSO :I know! After that I wanted to prove to him that I'm not the problem... He proved me right and forced himself on me.

NALEDI : Okay let's not use words like 'forced'... Be specific Kgopotso.

KGOPOTSO :I said no! I told him that he was hurting me but he chose to ignore me.

NALEDI :Kgopotso you need to understand the type of men we're married to. Men like Kwanele want things to be done their way.

KGOPOTSO :So that means he can have his way with me just because yena ke Kwanele Dlamini? (he's)

NALEDI :That's not what I'm saying, what I'm saying is that you know what makes him happy, you know what doesn't make him happy so why not do the things that please him?

KGOPOTSO :Even when it costs my happiness and well-being?

NALEDI :All I know is that he cares about you Kgopotso your job is make sure he's happy, once he's happy, you'll be happy too. You're a Dlamini now.
I don't know how I'm going to cope with him as of now.

NALEDI :Do you even see yourself having children with this man?

KGOPOTSO :He's going to be a good father, that I'm sure of mara I don't want to bring a child into his life right now, he's not stable...we're not stable.

NALEDI :Some things you're going to have to figure out on your own Naledi and it sure as hell won't be easy.

KGOPOTSO :Yeah neh... This life thing is a roller-coaster.

NALEDI :You'll be fine mahn, don't worry about it.
Dingane walks in and greets ,so does Mtho.

MTHO :Ehh makoti, uKwanele is looking for you outside.

KGOPOTSO :For?

MTHO :Asazi thina.(we don't know)
I stand up and go outside. He's standing next to car with a bow on top.

KWANELE :Sthandwa sam. (My love)

KGOPOTSO :What is this Kwanele?
He takes my hand.

KWANELE : I wanted to buy you something special. What do you think?
I'm thinking that he thought that buying me my dream car would make things between us.

KWANELE :Kgopotso?

KGOPOTSO :It's beautiful, I like it.
He sighs.

KWANELE:I'm trying Kgopotso, I really am.
He pulls me closer to his chest.

KGOPOTSO :I know you are.
He holds me in his arms and I swaddle my arms around his waist.

KWANELE :I'm going to try to be better yezwa.
I nod my head.
We stay like that for a moment but it feels like forever. Only if every minute of every hour with Kwanele felt like this. Like it's just us against the world, he has my back and I have his,he doesn't hurt me or make me question myself as a woman.

At this point I'm willing to do whatever it is to reach that.