MARRIED IN VEGAS:STORY OF MY LIFE WITH MR KIM

Chapter 17

Chang and I relationship had been something I cherished alot (just us being friends) I never saw him that way he saw me or thought of anything happening between me and him because I never dreamed of dating a Korean guy or even marrying any of them so when he proposed to me I was beyond shocked and confused because I never actually knew exactly how and when the feelings started I ran away because I didn't want anything serious happening between us and I yelled at him because he clouded my judgement of if I actually loved him or Taehyung.
When I got to work after my break the office was somewhat hostile because half the office workers must have heard about it by now because there was lot of stares,finger pointing and whispering but I didn't care about it I needed to find Chang and talk about this with him because that was the only way I could resolve the entire matter with him but I got to find out from Ann that he hadn't been in work since "he is depressed because you broke him" she said it in such away that it made me feel bad that I refused the proposal, so I knew the only place I could find him was his apartment so I didn't waste time getting there, my mission was simple I needed to make it clear that nothing could ever happen between us because I loved someone else and there was no feelings of love in my heart for him. Getting to his room apartment door I knocked softly three times but got no reply I decided to make my presence known to him, "Chang its me... Bow can we talk?", but I got no reply and just when I was about to give up the door opened suddenly but Chang wasn't in the doorway but I decided to let myself in getting in,the room was a complete mess which didn't look like the way Chang would behave that was when I noticed a bag containing some empty alcohol bottles sitting nicely at one corner meaning he had been drinking I went in further and I found him sitting all by himself in the once living room with the tv on but just showing black and white, I looked from the tv to Chang and he was looking so bad for the first time since have known him he never looked like this "Hey" I said trying to get his attention but he only turned looked at me and continued to stare at the tv screen while drinking from the bottle in his hand I knew just standing there wouldn't get the answers I needed from him so I dropped my bag carefully on one of the sofas and squatted beside him and took the drink away from him but he didn't try taking it back he only continued staring into tv, "Look.... am sorry I hurt your feelings... honestly I didn't know you had such feelings for me that's why I ran away because I didn't share the same feelings as you I should have rather said it to you than running away... am sorry" I said "Honestly Chang I just see you as a friend and nothing else and I can't love you the way you love me because... I love someone else" I got no reply from him so I continued "I really do love and cherish him alot and he also loves me too and the feelings I share for him can never be what I can share with you and am sorry if this doesn't make you feel any better" he still continued staring at the screen without responding to anything I said so I decided to leave," What can he give you that I can't "he said finally while holding my hand and he got up" I have loved you from the moment I got to know you and your telling me that you feel nothing for me are you seriously lying to a child Bow are you?"he said while grasping my hands tightly" your hurting me was all I could say but he didn't listen instead he said "I want you to feel the same pain I felt the day you left me there I want you to feel it all because I don't think you understand what pain is all about" he said while squeezing my hand tighter I was at the brick of crying but I didn't let the tears fall nor was I going to make him feel that he had won," you think I haven't felt pain"I said while putting up a fake smile in between the tears that were threatening to fall" Have felt what you are feeling.... this feeling of loneliness,feeling betrayed,feeling like you have been lied to I get it believe me or not have seen first hand what this kind of feeling can do to you"I said while getting my hands hurt the more but I ignored the pain and continued," I thought to myself that I shouldn't love again since lossing at love can be this painful I decided to shut everyone out and be alone but that didn't help instead I got more hurt and hurt again and again and trust me you don't want to experience that"by this time his grip on my hand and losen up a bit and I was able to get away from him while stepping back to look at him he was crying all this while that I took that moment of his vulnerability and got closer to him while taking his hands in mine, "Am sorry I don't love you the way you love me and am sorry for running away from you, yelling at you and for everything I did wrong am truly sorry and I hope with time you will get to forgive me",after saying this I made to take my bag and leave when he said," if you don't love me then kiss me just to prove that you don't love me"these words left me dumbfounded and I asked what he said and he repeated what he said while coming closer to me," if you don't love me then kiss me just prove your point that you don't love me by kissing me or are you scared "by this time he had cornered me on the wall and I could feel his hot breath on my face and I tired my very best not show any sign of discomfort because doing would make him think I had something for him," but you know I love someone else", I said "this is wrong",was all I could say but he didn't listen he still insisted while bringing his face way too close saying" prove it "and I knew I had do has he said if I wanted to leave here, so slowly our lips meet and I closed my eyes so I wouldn't see his face because at that moment I hated him so much,I felt something cold  run down my cheeks and I pulled away from his when I noticed I was crying he asked why I was crying but I didn't answer him instead I walked away from him and stood far while wiping away my tears "Are you happy now? Are you convinced now?,I don't love you" I said to him and his face fell and I went closer while putting my on his cheek to lift his face to look at me, "I hope you find someone who will love you just as you loved me... she is out there somewhere you just have to forget about me so you will be able to find her" and with that I left him to think about what I had said
Getting out I stood outside while waiting for a taxi and the memories of our kiss came to my mind I shook my head just to forget about it and eventually a taxi came and I went back home instead of work because it was getting late and I knew going back would warrant some questions from Ann which I decided to avoid. After the taxi dropped me off I walked slowly towards Taehyung's apartment a little bit weak maybe because I hadn't eaten anything all day and the baby in me must have been demanding for food, getting in I walked straight to the kitchen to fix myself something to eat while getting that done the memory of Chang and I kissing came to my mind and I hit my forehead hard so I would forget about it, I wasn't in love with him so why was I thinking about it so much and that was when I heard Taehyung calling out to me "Are okay you look so lost and when did you come back" he said I didn't know what happened but the next thing I knew was that I ran up to him and hugged him tightly as if I would lose him while tears streamed down my cheeks I sobbed quietly in his embrace and he didn't push me away instead he hugged me and told me everything was going to be okay while stroking my back softly, I broke up from our hug and made to kiss him but I stopped mid way while staring into his eyes we stayed like this for a few seconds before he broke the silence and said "if you want this now you can tell me", while coming closer but I pulled away and looked away from him I knew he was looking at me but I didn't look back at him instead I took my bag and went upstairs to my room.
Up in my room I simply layed down on my bed thinking about the the events of the day as it crashed down on me and I let the tears flow freely as I cuddled myself together crying... what was wrong with me? why was I thinking about this so much? was I really in love with Chang and was I lying to myself and was I not really in love with Taehyung and was also lying to myself, thoughts like this made me cry even more until I slept off.