Dairies of a fat teenage girl

✨Three✨

After the incident, i was more than sure that I would be going to a new school, in a new country.
My mom and dad were separated, i stayed with my mom after the while process, she too wasn't making things easy for me, always tormenting me, telling me how much i needed to loose the extra far, even if she knew it's association to numerous conditions.
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At thirteen I developed 'polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS)' and after that i started eating excessively due to eating disorders, most of it was caused by PCOS, i was always a chubby kid, don't get me wrong, but after being diagnosed with PCOS, my weight began fluctuating and it made it easier to gain than loose weight. I also developed 'pica' causing me to eat things termed unfit for human consumption. Ever met a girl that can chow down wood charcoal and even industrial chalk? Well I'm your girl, yes, I'm just a walking pile of medical cases. I had made up my mind and decided to go over to dad's. Mom was Nigerian, Ika to be precise, and dad, he was from the United states so yes I'm mixed, and yes my mom is just as uptight as any regular Nigerian mon.
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"And are you sure about this mimi, moving to a whole different country is a really bold step, you're still a baby, my baby. I know i may be too hard on you sometimes, but that's because i love and care for you and i just want you to be tough" i had just told mom about my plans, i never actually knew mom was capable of showing human emotions, seeing her try to convince me to stay almost broke me, i was the only thing she had here besides her job, but i just couldn't, it's not like i was going away forever. Staying here wasn't doing my mental health any good.
"Ńkem, you know i love you" she puts her hand on mine, the warmth it brought me made me feel a lot more relaxed. "Do you really have to go?" She asked as she rubbed my hand in a circular motion before taking it in hers.
"Yes mom i do, i need a fresh start, I can't stay here anymore. I just need to take a break..."
"From me?" She asked cutting my statement short. She had sadness in her eyes and it made a part of my heart hurt, she just couldn't afford feeling like she lost me too, just like she lost Abby.
" No mom, from everything, the world, reality, from the constant voices in my head, I'm hurting mom, I'm hurting in more ways than i can understand, it's getting too much for me to handle, i can't take it any longer, i can't." As i broke down in tears, she pulled me into her arms, this was the most support I've felt from mom, I always thought she hated me.
"Hush love" she wiped my eyes with her palms before continuing the stare into my soul, with her hands still on my face, " there's absolutely nothing wrong with you, i hate that you can't see it because if you can't see it, then no one else will, beauty is in her hands of the holder, it's yours to have and hold, no one else can do that for you, you're beautiful both In and out, you're perfect the way you are, if you can't convince yourself, how then will you convince others l." She removed her hand from my face and poked at my chest with her index finger. "It's what's in here that matters." She held my hand in hers and kissed my forehead. "I want what's best for you, and if you think moving away is best, then i support you, at least i know you'd be in good hands." She stood up from the chair she was sitting on while i sobbed continuously like a newly widowed lady, taking in each word she said because I knew they'd one day come in handy.
Mom gently patted my shoulder as she walked past me. I stood up and wiped my eyes, after all, what good has crying done me over the past few years.
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I scanned the airport with my eyes in search of Abby who had promised to pick me up, while i held the extension of my luggage in one hand and rested it's body on my leg, and i held my phone in the other hand, I wasn't really doing anything with it, i just needed to avoid human contact.
"Mimi!" I heard a voice from behind me yell, a voice i had grown too familiar with, a voice that sang me to sleep, a voice that'd read me bedtime stories, a voice that'd go on and on about her day at school, even if i was too young to care or understand, a voice that belonged to my favorite human, it was Abby. Mom never believed in babysitters or nannies so Abby was like a second mom, she was nine years older than me, mom and dad got married after they had her. That probably why they couldn't stay married, they couldn't overcome the problems that came with marriage. Abby left Ohio after she had a fight with mom three years ago and didn't stay in touch with mom, we talked through chats, long calls and FaceTime.
I lear my luggage and ran into her already opened arms. "I've missed you so much." I hugged her even tighter, allowing the scent of her perfume rub off on me, she always had the same gentle scent, she could never win a game of hide and seek because I could always find her with the smell of her perfume.
I took a good look at her and realized how much bigger i was compared compared to her, it was safe to say i looked way older.
"I've missed you too mimi, looks like lots has happened since i left, how about you tell me all about it on our way home." She took my luggage off my hand and dragged it to the trunk. We get into the car at the same time, shutting the doors in unison, talk about sister telepathy.
As the car engine sang to life, i go into talkative mood.
"Where do i begin, so..."